THAT OL' DIRTNAP

2010-06-24T10:16:00.000-07:00

Following on from the last post, here's Loefah DJing last night for the Boiler Room to promote Standard Place @ the Alibi this Saturday. Rest of the sets can be watched here: http://www.readplatform.com/boiler-room-13-wone-man-loefah-jon-rust/

ANOTHER UPDATE!!! Click HERE for a set Loefah did with Sgt. Pokes in Barcelona very recently...

Loefah Mix On Rinse FM

2010-06-08T14:35:00.000-07:00

THIS [rightclickandsave]Instra:mental show off Rinse features a great mix from Loefah. Starts at about 41 minutes into the show. Tracklist =

footcrab vip - addison groove (dub)
tc - kryptic minds (dub)
tired light - instra:mental (darkestral)
beacon - ramadanman (dub)
claptrap - joe (hessle)
level crossing - joe (hessle)
tweaked - shortstuff - (dub)
IRL - girl unit -(night slugs)
work doc - addison groove (dub)
work it - addison groove (swamp 81)
hot raw sex - jimmy edger/instra:mental rmx (?)
battle scene - addison groove (dub)
sexual - addison groove (swamp 81)
woo vs glut - sx x ramadanman (dub)
work them - ramadanman (swamp 81)
glut - ramadanman (hemlock)
fall short - ramadanman (swamp 81)
tempest - ramadanman (hemlock)
Because You - faltyDL (panet mu)
night hunter - fis t (serial 502)

Got to take your hat off to Loefah, Swamp 81 is a great label both in terms of its music and look:

I would like to see Loe DJing again after hearing this mix, can imagine the drums absolutely pounding and the little samples triggering crowd ''RAYYYYY''s like nobody's business. Stand outs for me so far: Girl Unit ''Irl'' (those evil sounding synths), Addison Groove ''Sexual'' (little rhodes line that reminds me of super mario or sonic or something - SOMETHING sexual, anyway) and ''Work Them'' vs. ''Woo''. You can see the connection between Woo riddim and what Loefah used to do very easily. Most of the music on this mix is nothing like the half-step Loefah has always been so associated with (on account of making the best half step tunes around for a couple of years), and has quite a different feel to doomy mooded classics like ''Mud'' and ''Ruffage''. But actually, again, the links are clear - minimalist bass and beats with a sprinkling of vocal samples (from US hip-hop) makes up a large part of the mix. Almost like mid-late 80's style boom-bap beats have given way to the spiralling madness of electro/hip-house and all that stuff that led to bleep-n-bass/hardcore/jungle. Not making a direct comparison but... Anyway, good stuff. Big ups to Hessle Audio, Night Slugs and Hemlock putting out this kind of stuff. It's pretty ''tracky'' stuff I suppose, can imagine it being used for mixing in a similar way to jacking house/techno.

Apparently Loefah dropped this tune at DMZ, which makes me want to see him even more:

Beyonce - Video Phone [Extended Remix] ft Lady GaGa - Music Video Online

Yeah I know - Beyonce and Lady Gaga. But honestly, it won't make you want to wank with a cheese grater (the video will make you want to do something nasty to some swiss cheese though). The beat is by Bangladesh, who also produced ''A Milli''. I'll have a look at some of his other tunes and post up anything decent on here maybe.

P.S.

Optimum has alerted me to Bangladesh being behind this certified club banger

So I had to post it up.

Aciiiiiiiiiied Jazzzzzzzzz

2010-05-21T10:20:00.000-07:00

I went to Egypt about six-seven years ago and got a load of pirate CDs from a shop with black and white photocopied covers. One of them was a CD called 'Acid Jazz'. I still listen to it pretty regularly. Missing two tunes here - ''Black & Brown - Never Be There'' and ''Queen Latifah - How Do I Love Thee''. But you don't know that.

More Ossie/Petchy

2010-05-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

Ossie - Ossie Baba (Video) from Bedroom 26 Music on Vimeo.

Another Ossie tune, I think I might like this even more than 'Tarantula'. The synth's remind me a bit of Dam Funk - laid back and somehow wistful. The drums are amazing - clattering, full of percussive switch-ups. And the video is great too - personally I dance to this tune by doing a spinning headstand with my legs pumping in and out at a rate of 1 pump per second, but not everybody's got my skillz.

While I'm here:

This lineup is crazy - I would pay top dolla just to see Omar S and Petchy + Topsee alone. Will be a strange combination, though.

Facebook page HERE.

Vocal Supporter

2010-05-20T11:03:00.000-07:00

Great tune this - crisp, light percussion and brilliant synth work. HERE's Ossie's Facebook Fan page.

Ill Blu are one of Tim F's favourite UK Funky outfits (see Tim's fantastic blog HERE for probably the best writing on UK Funky on the net), and here they are proving their worth by making me like something coming out of Cheryl Cole's mouth for about five minutes. Huge piano chords in the chorus really push it into anthem territory but all the little squiggly tricks and pumping carnival drums also contribute to the sense of being tied to a carousel and forced to eat MDMA laced candyfloss by Cherl Cole, who keeps pushing your lips together with her leather-gloved hands and telling you ''Don't tell anybody you saw me laughing at the disabled choir girl snivelling on X Factor last night'' with her fingers laced around your neck. ''You're GOING to catch me if I fall, and if you don't I'm going to stamp on your nuts.'' That kind of thing.

I've been listening to certain UK Funky mixtapes lately and I particularly love the vocal tunes on them - which to some ears may sound offensively bland/nice. But fuck you all, you're just trying to drag me down to your drizzly shopping centre level so I have to listen to 'gritty' techno all day and grow a beard. I'm going to wear a nice shirt and try and force down some wine.

Lately I've been really seeing dance music much more in terms of big hooks and vocals than any particular concern with rhythmic intricacy or experimental textures (not that there's anything wrong with that). HERE's a link to a mix Jackmaster did recently of some of his favourite 90's commercial house tunes which helps to emphasise this side of things. I suppose there'd be more vocals in electronic music if so much of it wasn't made by guys sitting in their bedrooms. The vocals on the DJ Gib Maximum Old Skool 3 mix (which I think I've posted here before, might do a repost though I can never explain how much I love it) is absolutely MADE by the vocals, too.

On this tune, for example, the piano, strings and crunchy drums are all great but without that ''You are on my mind. You are on my mind. You - you - YOUUUUUUUU'' what would it be? Not as much, that's what it would be.

I fucking love this too. I've got a pessimist's sentimental eye for upbeat tunes - they make me feel quite sad, like watching a duck attempting to run away from a tiger on Wildlife on One.

Here's another great vocal tune:

In a more or less unrelated note:

Big RNB tune produced by Timbaland protege The Dream. One of the guys on it doing a knock off of R Kelly without any of the lyrical wit (I mean 'wit' as in when Oscar Wilde told a girl he was going to 'Make her something saucy' when she came round his for dinner and winked at her about five times before sticking the ladle up her box) - but the beat is great and the hook is impossible to resist.

Hopefully soon will be blogging about my other recent obsession - Theo Parrish (and Omar S/Kyle Hall). Won't that be grand?

A Compendium of Modern Misery Part 1

2010-05-09T14:28:00.001-07:00

- Being stabbed in the guts by a paranoid schizophrenic with a headphone on, which you took to be a hands-free phone but was in fact pumping the Teletubbies theme song endlessly into their contorted brain.

- Looking up from the sink having finished shaving, expecting to see a chiseled and tanned hunk with a beautiful woman draped over your seven inch thick shoulder blade, and finding instead the face of the sort of person of whom it could be said that to shave the face of is what they are is roughly analogous to polishing a turd with a j-cloth.

- Receiving a call from God on your mobile phone and missing it. And the message left on the screen is ''Number and Infinite Capacity for Forgiveness and Love Witheld.''

- Being propositioned in a bar by somebody who is old enough (by national mean standard) to be your dad, even though that person is a 10 year old virgin who likes riding his bike and eating crisps.

- Having one of those 'moments' while walking down a street when you realise the ultimate futility of existence in the abscence of a deific designing consciousness, causing you to stop short, sigh and almost give in to the overwhelming desire to shit yourself just to see if the sky might (hopefully) cave in. And you know somebody's watching you, but it's a security guard called Graham who doesn't care about your spiritual dilemma a whit because you haven't got big tits or a burkha on.

- Being plagued constantly by the conviction that somebody, somewhere, is having a better time than you. Then switching on TV and seeing that there is definitely such a person, even though that person is Simon Cowell.

- Being gang-raped, you quickly realise that, due to overpopulation and the alienating effects of communication technology, the gang that's raping you probably don't even really like each other and would probably prefer to just be raping a pixellated version of you at home on their Xbox.

- Having taken three viagra pills, you still lose your erection when you have a dog's vagina draped in your face. You grasp at last the meagre limitations of your sexuality and by extension freedom of identity.

- Having eaten 36 of the brand new ''Gob-Stopper'' baguette from Subway, you realise that they will probably never invent ANYTHING that can fill the gaping void that lies in the centre of your soul, and even if they do you will probably want to excrete your soul as quickly as possible as soon as the filling is complete.

- With the miracle of DVD, you can now easily access every one of Robert DeNeiro's films. Never before have you been able to literally watch the physical and spiritual deterioration of a man who steadily loses all his talent and becomes a craven parody of himself over the course of forty years in one week.

- When presented with a photo of a bloody massacre you are compelled to think: ''That's just ketchup, though, isn't it?'' and ''Those limbs are probably just rubber sticks.''

- You google your own name on the internet and find that the only result is a positive testing for HIV, which is the first you've heard of it. You ring up your Doctor and it turns out he emailed you about it, but it went directly into the spam folder because it contained a warning to ''never get your penis hard again''.

- You went into HMV to look for an HBO boxset, and found out that there is now a boxset of all the times you ever wet yourself as a child, with extras including a derisive audio commentary recorded by that girl you really fancy.

- You begin to cry outside the funeral of a loved one and your soul is scorched with an excoriating flame of utmost desolation - then someone walks past, points at you and says ''Fucking Emo.''

OOOARRRGHH OOOARRRGHHH

2010-04-07T05:45:00.001-07:00

Ahem.

This is getting massively hyped and deservedly so. D Double sounds so good over big sub-bass growls (see also 'Frontline' and 'Hard') - aside from his voice and lyrics the rhythm of his flow/enunciation is so rapid and skippy (slightly off-beat at times) his flow over a more 'minimal' track is a bit like energetic/crazy breakbeats over 808s in jungle.

Anyway, no need to try and figure it out, D Double + a beat is one of those combos that just works, like shampoo and conditioner. I wanted to make that comparison cos I doubt it's ever been made before.

Back Once Again Its The Renegade Wanker

2010-03-23T16:32:00.000-07:00

Hello chums. The blog's been down because 1) Twitter exists 2) I have completely lost the will to write anything remotely interesting or funny about anything ever again. This second point is probably related to the first point, and will become evidently true to the reader of this blog within this very paragraph.

First thing's first, DJ Petchy on Live FM. If you like funky and you like MCs you will like these sets:

SET 1

SET 2

If you don't like funky and you don't like MCs, why not check out some “post-dubstep” and pretend this blog is still defunct like it should be?

Let's face it, dance music is best when it feels like you've just snorted a line of it and you're going to have a heart attack. I don't quite get that sensation from these sets, but I'm sure if I snorted a huge line of coke before listening to it I would probably have a quickened pulse. Besides, you can tell that everybody in the studio is having the time of their lives, so even if you're a depressed and lonely loser like you there might be a chance of some of that joy rubbing off on you. They should really have a webcam set up on Live FM for Chat Roulette, so that 50 year old potential suicides with their penises out can feel like its good to be alive for once.

Many many many bars by Topsy, Dream and Shanty have already been etched into my head – ''After the rave we can have a gangbang'', ''She said 'Dream you're an arsehole', I said thanks for the compliment but I wouldn't touch you with a bargepole'' ''I don't care about deemmmmm!'' etc. etc. As you can probably tell, the lyrics aren't exactly Sage Francis couplets and thank fucking fuck for that. Most of the best MCs in UK music have outrageous/stupid voices/styles and catchphrases such as ''It's the merkle man!'' ''Oooahrrrghh Ooahhrghhh'', ''Swinnnnnnnnnnng! BANG 'IM!'', ''Am I bovvered?'' and ''Loadsa money''. It's all about the delivery – especially when all the MCs have a singalong to each others bars. It's like listening in to one of the stands at a football match on a Saturday – except with no racist banter and no songs about bumming John Terry's mum. The only way these MCs can possibly improve now is to start including both these things. E.G. ''She said ''Dream you're an arsehole'', I said thanks a lot John Terry's mum but I wouldn't touch you with a bargepole'' and ''After the rave we can hang a rag-head''. Perhaps not.

On a serious tip, just listen to Dream smashing up Sami Sanchez ''What'' at 53 mins into the 13th Feb set – and Petchy cutting in after the reload to accompany him like fricking EZ or something. ''It's a par for them, uh oh man are writing bars again, TELL EM TELL TELL EM pass the pen...!''

Get very drunk and play very loud. If you want pristine sound quality suck your gran.

[Big up Andy/Big Nose on Dissensus for the link up...]

I've been off dubstep for a long time now, pretty much for the last year but especially since I've moved to Bristol, where even the ketamine addled crusties who don't know if they're wearing pants underneath their ponchos know the name and catalogue number of the latest Borgore release. Recently though I've been getting a little back into it – taking a step back from all the sub-genre/scene bollocks has made me almost able to return to the music itself without worrying if it sounds ''too [X, Y, Z]''. I don't really give a shit anymore. This will probably change as soon as I go to a dubstep night again and the first DJ plays a Loefah Remix of Westlife. One thing that made me return to the fray was going to Day and Night (basement club, looks like laser quest/a 1980s action film's idea of the blighted urban metropolis in the year 2000, but very small and so vulnerable to bass vibrations) and seeing Darkstar drop ''Level Nine'' by Mala. As soon as it dropped I remembered how important it is to FEEL the sub in dubstep. This was underlined for me seeing 2562 on Saturday, too – all these tunes which sound a bit boring and 'coffee table' at home sound fucking DIRTY and propulsive when you're stood next to a speaker with shots spilled down your sweater. Mala does get a lot of cringe-worthy man-god hype around him through no fault of his own but he really is the dubstep master. His tunes are the best in the genre, for me (give or take a few Loefah tunes). Album should be at least 50% good, at least.

The other tune that killed it that night which I've been loving off ever since it dropped is ''Hard''. Having been surprisingly won over to ''Eastern Jam'' after hearing P Money/Badness/Blacks absolutely slaughter it at Crazy Legs a few months ago, I hereby declare that from now on dubstep producers should work with MCs a lot more. Failing that, force D Double and Trim to record endless dubplate versions of 2005/6 classics so I can listen to them and feel like a big man. D Double absolutely murders that tune Skream's done with the Newhams recently, although without him it would be fairly standard wobble... which is the point, really. The tune below is one of my favourite grime tunes and showed years ago that grime MCs + stripped down sub + sound FX dubstep can be the sort of combination that makes you want to clothesline a clothesline.

This has got to be the most hyped tune in dubstep since ''Hyph Mango'' and just like the latter tune, the hype has made me suspicious of it, just as I just KNOW that i-phones are really just fancy-wancy abacuses for pricks. However, I bought Footcrab the other day because it's actually really good (like Hyph Mango, I-Phones, The Sopranos and Iraqui Beheading videos). If you want to hear some chicago juke and see some ridiculous juke dancing, watch this... watch it anyway, in fact:

This is a bit like the way I dance when I'm trying to impress girls. That's why I'm able to listen to juke at home, because I live by myself and am forced to fuck a hole that I've torn into a print-off of this picture – but where?

On the Swamp 81/Loefah tip, THIS show wot Instramental and D-Bridge done done on Rinse FM features a cracking Loefah mix and generally a big selection. The tunes Instramental recently did on Applepips are both fanfuckingtastic [E.G.]. Another guest they had on recently was Actress, who I was going to write about on here but I'm far too tired to now. Here's a few tunes in case you don't know by now

Finally, I went to see Alex Nut, Fatima and Funkineven the other night at Attic Bar (at a DONUTS night for Eglo records - a documentary about Eglo HERE on the Donuts website) and they all killed it – esp. Funkineven. Here's a few tunes off his EP he released recently, which you should all cop.

This tune features Fatima and is alot:

I'm gonna try and start doing the blog on music/elseshit more often from now on, will probably be written in this slapdash and barely legible way though. After wondering what the point of writing about music is for ages I have been led to think that for me it just comes down to recommending and hyping things I really like which people might not have heard. So there it is.

OH.

[should really blog about Rockwell soon - new DNB that I actually like...

]

Summer Evening...

2009-08-07T14:18:00.001-07:00

why not?

R.I.P. Baatin

2009-08-07T07:28:00.001-07:00

Was in Amsterdam last weekend and caught Benji B and Pharoah Monch in Oosterpark. Good news for Pharoah fans - he's doing his new album entirely with Alchemist. Very Bad news about Baatin, though. A tragic end to a (sometimes) tragic life - apparently he had schizophrenia and was living on the streets for a year or so before he was welcomed back into the Slum Village fold very recently. I think 'Cloud Nine' was probably Baatin's (as well as S.V's) comeback single.

I thought/think that 'Cloud Nine' could have blown up this summer, a summer sunburst of clattering cymbals and toms, soulful harmonies, mournful brass and joyous piano, not to mention a performance by S.V themselves (T3, Elzhi and Baatin, if I'm not mistaken?) full of an appropriate energy and swagger (not to mention quotables for days (''frontin' like they diamonds when they cubic zirconias'', for example). The MCs on 'Cloud Nine' exhibit the same quality that made them so perfect for Dilla's sultry, thumping, hypnotic beats on 'Fantastic' vol. 1 and 2 - the ability to FIT in with the beat, an innate understanding of the rhythmic role a rapper plays over a particular rhythm. All those little pauses and breaths and hiccupy stop/starts on the Dilla stuff, and the almost incantatory chanting and back and forth interplay between the MCs - these intimately replicated the stuttering, syncopated swing of Dilla's beats, their hypnotic bump, the misty/foggy quality of the samples. And on 'Cloud Nine', while the replication of rhythm is largely restricted to the characteristic 'thinkin' bout ya, thinkin' bout ya', the delivery is all excitement and enthusiasm, quite dissimilar from the majority of S.V. material I've heard, and fitting the concept of being high on love (for a girl/for music...) to a tee.

Now, you could hardly say that S.V. were the best lyricists in Hip-Hop (not that their lyrics were BAD), but in an underground where obsession with lyrical content often makes people forget the importance of voice/flow (that's 'flow' not in the sense of thousands of multisyllabic words, though that can fall under it), Slum Village's best work is a potent reminder of the voice as rhythmic instrument. It is this characteristic of their music which, along with Dilla's boom-bap + filtered jazz-loops, that made them the heir to ATCQ in a lot of people's eyes/ears. Listening to 'Cloud Nine' it seems obvious to me that there was life after Dilla for them, and presumably there'll be life after Baatin for them too... but still, R.I.P.

Thinking of doing a top 20 favourite dilla beats in the future, but not sure about it. For now, look out for Slum Village's new album 'Villa Manifesto' (22nd September) and DL 'Cloud Nine' legally so my dream of predicting a shock summer hit can come about 3 downloads closer to a reality!

Fact Magazine Top 20 Belgian Hardcore Ting

2009-07-29T04:19:00.000-07:00

Original article posted up HERE on the Fact website, now with an accompanying MIX. I have been a right little nerd and found all the tunes on you tube.... HERE YOU GO, STUPID!

Some bits

2009-07-17T12:08:00.000-07:00

wot i'm feeling

i've got to post up some mixes soon cos there's too many around

jackmaster/oneman/brackles/blackdown+dusk etc...

MAKE THAT PUSSY WHIIIIIISTLE

2009-07-02T03:57:00.000-07:00

Official video HERE.

You might hate Weezlo and em, but would Nas or Sanctified Mic Mastas or Introvenous XL or Proff. Punchline ever bust that line? Nozzir.

Funky Junky

2009-06-26T06:58:00.000-07:00

This tune's too much! Prefer it to 'Do You Mind' I reckonz.

Wishy washy or Bishy Boshy, funky is saying things right now...

Mates' Plates Vol 562

2009-06-26T06:26:00.000-07:00

Out July 6th on Brackles and Shortstuff's new label Blunted Robots, two tunes that have been killing it on Brackles' Rinse shows along with being played by DJs like Geiom, Oneman, Bok Bok, Untold etc. Martin Kemp's woozy wonky percussively bubbling 'No Charisma' is my percy ingle on the plate (see HERE for previous semi-slobberings). Everybody with ears and decks should buy this 12. Audio on Blunted Robots Myspace HERE.

I think I've talked about Wigflex before on here, dunno if I plugged their last EP though but I should have. The new one is equally as good, full of bleeps, clicks and chirrups but not slacking on the party-starting front either - sort of combining headspace with elbow space, the kind of tunes you could have a right knees up in a club while off so mangled on ketamine that you think your knees aren't their anymore to put up... Go HERE for more info.

Also I don't think Geiom really needs a plug from me but his new funky influenced stuff is running ('Hard Downs' especially) - go to his Myspace for clips. He's also recently done a mix for Fact magazine (''providing Corpsey with lazy blog content since 2008''), which you can find HERE (article HERE).

Anyone into their UK Funky at the moment should check DSF member Hackman's funky tunes on his Myspace. Percussively solid and rattling with big Roska-esque b-lines and a lot of nice soulful/psychadelic-funk vibes riding the drums, fucking superb stuff. One to watch.

Right, well if I don't get any blow jobs or eight-balls out of that I'll be steaming.

Rants N Bullshit

2009-06-26T04:56:00.000-07:00

Speaking of the Jacksons...

this tune, a certified (erring towards certifiable) banger, features on THIS mix which is associated with the So Bones blog/night.

Natasha (feat Clipse) So Sick
Richgirl Honeycomb
Britney Spears I Got A Plan
Chris Brown Flamethrower
Janet Jackson So Much Betta
Ryan Leslie Addicted (feat Cassie & Fabolous)
Common Universal Mind Control
Electrik Red W.F.Y
Rich Boy Drop
Nicole Scherzinger (feat T.I.) Whatever You Like
Usher (feat Ludacris) Dat Girl Right There
Ciara Work (feat Missy Elliott)
Mims Move If You Wanna

The mix/blog/night all concentrate on contemporary RnB, which it turns out is full of robo-vocalists singing about shagging over populist avant-garde techno-crunk, as opposed to Boyz 2 Men harmonising (about shagging) over the soundtrack to the Red Shoe Diaries. Of course, everybody knows that producers like Timbo and the Neptunes have been outclassing a lot of dance producers in the innovation + perspiration stakes for a long time now, and I'm pretty sure that both of them are involved in one way or another in some of these tunes - for example Danja, who produced the Britney tune, is a Timbaland understudy who helped the master create tunes such as this

There's also a huge influence from chopped-and-screwed stuff - vocals are slowed down or pitched up fairly consistently, as well as being looped and reversed and (of course) autotuned/vocodered to fuckery. In fact, it strikes you listening to this mix that vocalists in this sort of RnB have become almost synthesised - as in, say, a Todd Edwards tune, vocal lines are as chopped up and manipulated as any other sample/synth might be, employed for textural or rhythmic purposes primarily. Of course this is what vocals always HAVE been employed for on some level, but this sort of music really brings that aspect to the fore.

The vocals on a lot of these tunes leave me a bit cold - I don't find them that memorable or emotionally engaging (in the case of the latter perhaps that's the point?). It fits with the ruthlessly functional (though mind-bendingly experimental and liberated) production, the massively expensive digitally enhanced videos etc... the dehumanised (anti)personalities of the singers/dancers. Actually, even leaving aside the Janet Jackson tune, the spectre (erk) of M.J. seems to hang over all of this music - M.J. the weird, almost mechanically precise dancer, with all those strange vocal tics and yelps and screeches. I know fuck all about RNB/soul music in general but perhaps Jackson's move from Motown soul to bizarro post-human POP was influential in dragging a large sector of the RNB world along with him?

Still, at least alongside all this Jacko had an unmistakable personality and passion/soulful quality, and extremely good songwriters crafting unforgettable melodies/choruses etc. His voice was so good, and the songwriters too, that he could convincingly sound like a horny sex-bomb when actually you wouldn't be all that surprised if the autopsy revealed him to have a Penis Pan between his legs (the willy that never grew/got up heh-heh-heh). Justin Timberlake doesn't of course have anything like the talent that Jacko did but a tune like 'Rock Your Body' absolutely slayed because the Neptunes production was matched by an extremely strong song (which was presumably written for Jacko himself and rejected?)

Anyway, the real stars of this show are behind the boards. Download the mix, it will blow your pants off (on a decent system - check the 808s on 'So Sick' and go from there). Incidentally, the sample source for 'So Much Better' is this

How very Kanye.

On a side note, my favourite commercial RNB vocalist (aside from Kels, obviously DUHH) is probably Ne-Yo, although that is only based on a few tunes like this one

which was produced by a Norweigan production duo called Stargate who used to make shite like 'One Love' by Blue and 'S Club Party'. On Dissensus the other day, somebody posted up this tune

I'm now not entirely sure if Stargate nicked a riddim and changed it for Ne-Yo, or vica versa. Perhaps I should ask. Big tune though.

and go to So Bones for the real knowledge innit

R.I.P. Jacko

2009-06-25T18:53:00.000-07:00

GOODIES

2009-06-24T11:17:00.000-07:00

Hello Hello Hi. It's been a while so I thought I'd post up a trio of mixes that have been giving me brain erections over the last few weeks. Every time I listen to them in the office where I'm ''working'' I have to cross my ears over my skull just to hide the bulge. Failing that I just concentrate very hard on data entry and my brain begins to shrink to a manageable size - say, that of a tennis ball.

The mix I've been listening to the longest is Ben UFO's Fabric Promo Mix (right click and save). It's intesting that the kind of 'dubstep' Ben's playing nowadays is so percussively led that there isn't a very obvious point where he moves from stuff like Omar S and Karizma to Peverelist and Mala. It's all mixed up, and it BANGS the whole way through (not the way a porn-star bangs, more like the way Seal probably bangs if he's pissed). Worth a special mention are the tunes by James Blake and Joy Orbison - both fucking bootiful and full of happyweird vibes.

Greena - Maracay (Forthcoming Applepips)
Omar S - Busaru Beats (Sound Signature)
Aphrodisiax - Unfinished Business (Jus House)
Karizma - 33rd Street Anthem (Defected)
Unknown - Unknown (Unreleased)
Altered Natives - Rass Out (Fresh Minute)
Pearson Sound - Wad (Unreleased)
L-Vis 1990 - Hey! (Unreleased)
Brackles and Shortstuff - Sutorito Faita (Forthcoming Planet Mu)
Deep Cover Inc. - Deepin' Side [NYC dub mix] (FX)
Ramadanman - No Swing (Unreleased)
STP - The Fall [T++ remix] (Subsolo)
Peverelist - Teachings (Unreleased)
Shortstuff and Mickey Pearce - Tripped Up (Unreleased)
Untold - I Can't Stop This Feeling [Pangaea remix] (Unreleased)
Bump and Flex - Promises [Hardstep dub] (Urban Heat)
Untold vs. Tempz - Nextaconda (Unreleased)
Youngstar - Bongcat Riddem (White)
James Blake - Air and Lack Thereof (Unreleased)
Untold - Flexible (Unreleased) Ikonika - Unknown (Unreleased)
Mala - Hunter (DMZ)
Joy Orbison - Hyph Mngo (Unreleased

Next up is a mix by Alex Bok Bok for Lucky Me (right click save) which is, barring the most tasteful (but good) thing I've ever heard from Doneao, approx. an hour of veiny sausage meat riddims.

01 - REFUGE - U Best Believe

02 - DONAEO - Love To Happen

03 - MOSCA - Square One

04 - DRE SKULL - I Want You (BOK BOK remix dub)

05 - ALISON HINDS ft MACHEL MONTANO

06 - DJ CLEO - East Rand Funk

07 - R1 RYDERS - Rubberband

08 - DORIAN CONCEPT - Trilingual Dance Sexperience

09 - SHORTSTUFF & MICKEY PEARCE - Tripped Up

10 - ZOMBY - With Lasers

11 - ELECTRIK RED - Drink In My Cup

12 - JOKER & GINZ - Purple City

13 - TERROR DANJAH - Sidechain

14 - BOK BOK - Crew dub

15 - DJ ASSAULT - Vandalism

16 - MR DE - Time Space Scrilla

17 - BASUTBUDET - Take Them Out To Eat (BOK BOK's sundown edit)

The tunes on this mix are nuts, I don't even know what genre a lot of them belong to - but it's in the area of funky/garage/dubstep/grime/soca/rave... Remember this post? All the mixes in this post wot I'm doing here mix up different genres, but there are also quite a few tunes in each mix which are spanning genres on their own - margin tunes which are forming a new and turbulent centre in this kind of mix.

Last but by no-fucking-means least is Untold's mix for Fact Magazine (Link HERE). In Blackdown's recent interview with him, Untold talks about how he is interested in combining cliches from various genres to see what will happen to them - 'mongrel' beats. You'll see what he means as soon as you hear this mix. His tunes feature recognisable synth/bass sounds from Grime/8-Bar, jungle, hardcore etc. placed together in rough harmony - and whether or not the combination always works, you can't deny the energy and excitement that such a scattergun approach provokes (to both the listener/dancer and the budding producer/DJ).

These tunes are mixed down perfectly well, and will no doubt devastate a dancefloor, but they don't sound at all slick or tasteful: you can see the joins. In this respect, they do justice to the references they make to early 90's hardcore music in using certain sounds in exhibiting a similar sort of 'chuck it in if it works' quality. I don't want to go overboard on the chin strokery analysis which the use of 'nuum' samples invites, because really the achievment of this music is to make you twitch around in your chair like a human hamburger leaving death row.

Stereotyp - Uepa (feat.Joyce Muniz) - Man Recordings

Untold - Just for You (Roska remix) - forthcoming Hotflush

Hot City - No More - forthcoming Infrasonics

Untold - Never went away - unreleased

Untold - I can't stop this feeling (Pangaea remix) - forthcoming Hemlock

Untold - No one likes a smartarse - unreleased

Untold - Gonna work out fine - unreleased

Untold - You didn't win the holiday - unreleased

Untold - Stop what you're doing - unreleased

DJ C - Jump Up and Bounce (ft. Ms. Thing) (LV remix) - unreleased

Littlefoot - Sell my soul - unreleased

Mount Kimbie - Esasub - unreleased

TRG - Siberian poker - unreleased

Ramadanman - Bleeper - unreleased

Ramadanman - No swing - unreleased

Joe - Perculate - unreleased

Untold - Flexible - unreleased

Shortstuff & Mickey Pearce - Tripped up - unreleased

LV - Crossfire - unreleased

Generally speaking, this is raw and 'shallow' music. There's not much depth (there's no room for it - it's surface orientated, sounds jostling for position... it's too ADD also - warping, pitch-eluding synths, rhythm evading drums and almost childish: ecstactic, restless, joyful... emotions as unambiguous as in rave music...)... but who cares? It's rave music. Dance music. It's fun music, not po-faced: but not a joke either. Being taken away from genre, from specific places, is a double edged sword - certain things are lost but the focus becomes more about the sounds: how they're used, how they can be clashed and mashed together etc. And the lack of deference to generic rules results in things you haven't heard a hundred times before (if you're me, at least).

I've clearly got too much thought on my brain.

That Roska RMX is raw, and his remix of Neighbourhood (see HERE) sounds even better.

5 For Sunday

2009-06-07T04:21:00.000-07:00

Ying/Yang

2009-05-18T11:54:00.000-07:00

Think this is from 2008, HERE'S the myspace...

TEMPZ is from NOW. Out on No Hats No Hoods July 1st with remixes and free blood stained bottle to the nugget.

Fuzzy Logik ft Egypt - In The Morning

2009-05-15T08:45:00.000-07:00

Summer 2009 anthem business. Hardly excloose but I needed reminding myself.

This blog's fucking swag nowadays/always, I honestly can't think of anything worth ranting about ever since I replaced listening to dubstep with meditation and heroin. But I'm sure I'll come up with something soon enough...

Mak 10 on Rinse (April 22nd 2009)

2009-05-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

I haven't really heard a funky set in a while that's really excited me the way those first Marcus Nasty sets did but this Mak 10 set is bonkers - loads and loads of tunes that make me want to travel back in time, lock into Rinse and text in ''Reload this tune please or I might cry a bit x x x'' about five times. Mad cascading bongos, rough sublow, so much bounce, so much rhythm. Sometimes funky really does remind me of jungle.

Link HERE.

D-Bridge - Inner Disbelief/Vocal itsnotscience

2009-04-30T09:55:00.000-07:00

Big up D-Bridge, single-handedly sustaining Corpsey's flagging interest in DNB (apparently that's what he was shooting for when he started making music). This is a bit like a sequel to 'Last Straw', which I also love. D-Bridge's voice is growing on me slowly but surely, like flowers in a cow pat, and I think vocal anthems are much needed in DNB and other styles of electronic/dance music. I was listening to a Hacienda Classics mix today and almost every track has at least some vocal business going on. Bring back the euphoric pop/soul aspect, that's what I type. Think of all the decent-but-boring dubstep/DNB tunes over the last few years that would be immeasureably improved by a decent vocal.

The beat on this tune is so bluesy and melancholy, it's one of those instrumentals which you could sing almost anything (in key) over to great effect. Strangely enough I'm not feeling 'Wonder Where' by D-Bridge (which nuff other man are jizzing their pants over) at all - I'm not sure if it's the vocal or the fairly (to my ears) insipid beat... It probably is the vocal, though - it's the vocal that puts me off Skream's LaRoux remix (again, almost uniformly jizzed over currently). Ironically, although I'd like to hear more vocals in dance music, I have to admit that a vocal can really ruin a tune for me sometimes. When it comes off, though -

Interestingly, I notice both these tunes have a similarly tough, bluesy/dub quality to them to the D-Bridge tune. I wonder if a genuinely euphoric vocal anthem is possible in dubstep? Probably has already happened and I've been listening to Gregorian chanting in a hut on a hilltop or something. I've just remembered that 2562's remix of 'Brother' by Patti Blingh is very probably my favourite tune by him. 2562 often gets (somewhat unfairly IMO) accused of making 'cold' clinical music, but that tune has a lot of warmth, and I think the vocal brings that out quite a bit. And can't forget Burial, of course - his best tunes use vocal snippets to amazing effect.

Speaking of vocals, here's a mix that el gato put me onto of 4X4 vocal garage which is absolutely the main thing keeping me from snogging a pig right now. Tracklist is as follows:

01. Antonio - Take Me - 1998/Fifty First

02. Jay Collins Super 20 - Turn Your Back On Love (Sunshine Bros. Remix) - 1998/i! Recs

03. Aly-us - Follow Me - 1992/Cooltempo

04. Chris Mack - Set It Off - 1997/Old Soul

05. Mica Paris - Stay (Booker T Vocal) - 1998/Cooltempo

06. Once Waz Nice - Messin Around (Wideboys 4x4) - 1999/Dubz For Klubz

07. US Alliance - All I Know - 1998/Locked On

08. Joey Musaphia - It Goes Boom Boom Boom - 1996/Cover Ups Vol 1

09. Matlok - Anyway - 1998/Pure Bliss

10. Sly & Ziggy - Conscious Rhythms (House Mix) - 1997/Ultra Vinyl

11. Ambassadors Of Swing - Coming Up (Grant Nelson Dirtbox Dub) - 1995/Nice N Ripe

12. Sandy B - Make The World Go Round (Ramsey & Fen Remix) - 1998/Champion

13. St. Germain - Alabama Blues (Todd Edwards Mix) - 1995/F-Comms

14. Sounds Of Blackness - Pressure (Booker T Pressure Lick) - 1997/AM:PM

15. Greg Stainer - My Mind -1997/V.I.P.

16. RIP Productions - Take A Chance - 1996/Ice Cream Recs

17. The Occasions feat. Tyrone Henry - Look No More (Booker T Vocal Mix) - 1997/FeetMove 18. Astro Trax - The Energy (Feel The Vibe) (Danny J Lewis' Vibe) - 1998/Satellite

19. Ann Nesby - Hold On (Mousse T Uplifting Garage Mix) - 1997/AM:PM

20. Frankie Knuckles feat. Adeva - Walkin' (Grant Nelson Divine Gospel Remix) - 1995/Virgin 21. Wideboys - What's On Your Mind (4x4 Mix) - 1999/Union Jack Recs

22. Gerideau - Masquerade (MJ Cole Mix) - 1998/Inferno

23. Ultymate feat. Jacquee Bennett - Sweet Love (Vocal Mix) - 1998/Unda-Vybe

24. Brand New Heavies - You Are The Universe (Tuff Jam 2 In 1 Remix) - 1997/FFRR

Brackles - LHC (Planet Mu) / Blackdown and Dusk - Bullet Ah Go Fly RMX (Keysound)

2009-04-16T08:51:00.000-07:00

Go HERE for audio of me-old-mucker's forthcoming release on Mu. Personally I think LHC is the best Brackles tune released so far, a perfect balance between robust low end and hyperactive synth displays. The Street-Fighter sampling b-side, made with me-other-old-mucker, is also on some Ritalin-scarcity steezity and is also rinsin'.

Also getting a release soon is this effing monster courtesy of Keysound...

At the moment I'm inclining towards giving up on buying dubstep on vinyl and switching to house and garage, so it's annoying but encouraging to see releases that insist on dragging me back in.

Introducing the Ghostface Killahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2009-04-15T04:46:00.000-07:00

... NO-ONE'S FUCKIN' ILLA!

Brackles On Rinse FM

2009-04-03T15:01:00.000-07:00

Right click and save HERE for Thursday night's cover show from the one like youknow. I haven't listened to it yet but there's about 0.001% probability of it not being shit-hot.

Do the right thing.

Now with tracklist:

Martin Kemp - Bowzer
Kode 9 - Black Sun
N.B Funky - Riddim Box
Mickey Pearce - Innami
Fingaprint - The Print (Roska Remix)
Martin Kemp - ???
Princess - Frontline
Martin Kemp - No Charisma
Pearson Sound - Wad
Greena - Actual Pain
Mickey Pearce - Trippin
Roska - Elevated Levels
Joe - Rut
Geiom - No More Tears
Brackles - Rawkus
Royal T - 1UP
Brackles - Getajob
Zomby - Rumours and Revelations
Untold - Anaconda
Desto - Disappearing Reappearing Ink
Joker - Digidesign
Ikonika - Sahara Michael
Zomby vs Dizzee - Stand up Aquafresh
Joker and Ginz - Purple City
Dem 2 - Baby You're So Sexy
Deetah - Relax (Bump n Flex remix)
Hakan Lidbo - Walk Away (Todd Edwards Remix)
El-B - Express
M Dubs - For Real
United Grooves Collective Feat Shelly - Glad u Came to me (Steve Gurley
remix)

ALL MJ COLE SESSION

Angel Lee - What's your name (MJ Cole Remix)
MJ Cole - Flavour Fever
Maxee - When I look into your eyes (MJ Cole Remix)
Jill Scott - Gettin in the way (MJ Cole Remix)
Dub Syndicate - I Need Your Love (MJ Cole Remix)
Box Clever feat Elizabeth Troy - Treat Me Right
Nitin Sawhney - Sunset (MJ Cole Remix)

As expected, absolutely nutso selection. Special mentions to Pearson Sound, Greena and Martin Kemp tunes all absolutely thetitsontoast material...

Jesus Crimbo Christ

2009-04-01T04:33:00.001-07:00

Info here.

Dresscode: Moschino ballet shoes/DKNY-fronts

HALLO

2009-04-01T03:33:00.000-07:00

A 2 hour German documentary about das fokkin Technomusik.

It's Sunny Again Innit

2009-04-01T03:32:00.000-07:00

Remember - the more sunny it is, the less likely you are to get skin cancer!

Blowjobs off God are also more favourable.

Weekend Run/Come-Down

2009-03-30T07:05:00.000-07:00

Life is the lesson that keeps on teaching, ain't it just? For example, this weekend I learnt that I love drinking the above two drinks, but when combined with that stuff wot is ruining dubstep first and foremost but also my tenuous grip on a concrete notion of my personal identity it makes you/ME think you've/I'VE shat your/MY pants. Actually, I might also have my boxer shorts to blame for this, as I am unable to wear them without the waist-band being sucked into my arse-crack like a taut gull into a musty jet-engine.

On the journey to and from Bristol I listened to most of Blackdown and Dusk's latest show on Rinse. There's enough good stuff on there to make a perpetually moaning phantom-rectal-sick suffering corpsealike feel like a spare prick at a fat-lady skewering, including a dirty Terror Danjah tune with Badness making the words 'Ipod Shuffle' sound like 'I'm going to tear your balls off' and a tune by ''VVV'' which is (press release)like Burial - ON SLOW-RELEASING MDMA!(/pressrelease)... The highlight for me has to be an untitled tune by Peverelist - it's got that tight-lassoo of a groove, slightly off-kilter + sub bombardment thing that 'The Bluez' has, it's almost like a reversioning of it - except when it starts developing a few minutes into it and these quietly fucking EPIC strings start coming in.... wowzers.

Speaking of Pev, I went into Rooted records on Sunday and picked up a couple of tunes. It's a great shop - a selection of second hand garage/jungle, plentiful listening posts and staff who don't make you feel like your tongue must be hanging over your bottom lip and your crotch must be stained yellow to even CONSIDER buying THAT. (which reminds me). I bought a couple of dubstep bits (D1- Missing on Tempa is so grimey it splits some sort of mental heymy), the surprise killer is this one:

Wobble - check. Reverbed SFX- check. General repetition of same idea - check. But still, how can you argue with it? It drops like a pissed up carpet bomb. I also picked up this:

but didn't pick up this (which I'm kicking myself for now)

While I was waiting for the train from Bristol to Bath on Saturday, freezing my hands off and wishing I was lying in bed with a pillow as far up my nose as my boxer shorts were up my guts, I listened to THIS Karizma mix I got off someone on Dissensus. It's about three hours long and the first hour that I've listened to is supoib - a nice healthy mixture of soulful MAW style US garage stuff and stripped back percussive tribal-y stuff, with a touch of psychadelic synths etc. You can hear the touchstones of inspiration for a lot of UK funky in this stuff.

Brackles smashed up Crazy Legs, shouts also to Cooly G (who I could just about able to hear over the MC), Thinking, who played some nice garage/broken/funky to warm things up and Mak 10, who played when I was at my optimum pissitude level - it was all hard as fuck drum lashings, as far as I recall.

Grizzly Man (Werner Herzog Documentary)

2009-03-25T06:58:00.000-07:00

Watch GrizzlyMan_01 in Entertainment View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

The other four parts can be found on THIS page at the side.

I saw the end of this last night and it made me want to claw my own head open for the sweet honey inside. In a good way. It's about a man who lived in the wild with Grizzly Bears for years and years, started seeing the bears as his friends and humans as his enemy, and ended up getting killed and eaten by a bear along with his girlfriend who he'd dragged with him into the wilderness. Good cheery stuff, then.

ASE on Kiss

2009-03-22T12:28:00.000-07:00

Click HERE for the best non-technofied dubstep mix I've downloaded in a hot sweaty minute. Listening to this reminds me of the good times - whiskey and coke, spliff, Crazy D, skanking out, 8 pound burger outside Mass at 6 in the morning etc... DMZ Summer Blazedown might have to be done, can Silkie/Quest/Heny/Jay5ive all get booked, please?

Lost - Iron Hide - Dub

Skream - Rolling - Dub

Silkie - Headbutt The Deck! - Deep Meddi Music

Kromestar - Live In Experience - Higher Level Records

Quest - Untitled - Dub

Mala - 5 Minutes Later - Dub

Zed Bias - Untitled - Dub

Benga - Desending - Dub

Silkie - Test - Deep Meddi Music

Jay 5ive & Kromestar - Bass 96 - Dub

Silkie - 80's Baby - Dub

Harry Craze - Wa.6 - Dub

L.D - Do U Mind Remix - Dub

Benga - Buzzin - Dub

Kromestar - Grey Thought - Higher Level Records

Jay 5ive & Kromestar - Hands In Da Hair - Dub

Silkie - Concrete Jungle - Deep Meddi Music

Quest - The Unknow - Deep Meddi Music

? - No Warning - Dub

Kutz - Untitled - Dub

Truth - The Fatman (Out Now!) - Deep Meddi Music

Silkie - Mucky - Dub

Garage Mixes

2009-03-22T04:49:00.000-07:00

MJ Cole Mix by hardreset

MJ Cole - Sincere : M.A.W. - To Be in Love (MJ Mix) : Mariah Carey - Loverboy (MJ Mix) : Shaun Escofferey - Spacerider (MJ Mix) : MJ Cole - Watertight (Will Phillips Remix) : Breakbeat Era - Bulletproof (MJ Mix) : 2 as 1 & MJ Cole - Too Blind : Ramsey & Fen & MJ Cole - Style : Gass - Dark (MJ Mix) : Lamb - Gabriel (MJ Dub) : Box Clever - Treat Me Right : MJ Cole - Never Say Never : Nitin Sawhney - Sunset (MJ Mix) : 3rd Core - Mindless & Broken (MJ Mix) : Goldie - Believe (MJ Mix)

Boogie woogie. Go HERE for more UKG mixes from hardreset...

Alfred and the Dead Boy

2009-03-22T04:11:00.000-07:00

I’m guessing a lot of you have seen this hilarious advert for road safety on TV recently. I think the basic message is ‘if you’re out driving, don’t take the crumpled and fractured corpse of the kid you hit last year with you because you’ll probably get distracted by it and crash into a lamp-post or something’.

Truly, this is the comic double act for our post-PC age! As you can see in this advert, the corpse is very much the Joker in the pack, while the terminally depressed suburban dad is the ‘straight-man’, reacting with side-splitting expressions of grumpy dismay every time the irrepressible pile of shattered bones and lacerated pink skin manages to appear in the most inconvenient of places.

Oh look! There he is - causing a stink up in the office! Goodness me! Who’s that making sure he brushes his teeth properly, even though he’s all grown up? Uh ohhhh! Who’s about to appear inside the fudge-cake at his son’s third birthday party?! This is the best ‘comedy of embarrassment’ since that thirty-second clip Ricky Gervais made for Comic Relief where he called a black man in a wheelchair a ‘nig-nog crip-spaz’ (LMAO).

Like ‘The Office’, this advert brings comedy right into the arena of the everyday. We can all relate to it – who amongst us hasn’t looked under the desk when we were about to masturbate to some hardcore pornography, only to find a dead child staring at us, putting us off our stroke? Certainly not me, and I’m usually quite conscientious about cleaning up after myself!!!

One is reminded of such classic knockabout duos as Del Boy and Rodney and Steptoe and Son, when enjoying this depiction of a couple of blokes, hard up on their luck, one of whom is being constantly dragged away from success and happiness by the other. You might say there is even something a little tragic about it, something which adds a note of melancholy to our relentless guffaws and splutters.

Given that British comedy is in a terrible state at the moment, with Horden and Corno attracting appalling reviews and nose-diving ratings and Mock the Week still being Mock the Week, wouldn’t it be wise for some savvy TV commissioner out there to take this brilliant partnership and give them a 6 episode sitcom or sketch-show? I propose that the title be something snappy – but witty - like ‘Alfred and the Dead Boy’.

Just think of all the scrapes these two could get into! For example, Alfred has to go on a double date with his boss’s daughter and her mate, but all his non-dead and adult mates are all busy – cue Alfred, smiling through gritted teeth as he props up the Dead Boy’s tuxedo clad corpse with a wooden spoon, and throws his voice to make it seem as if the Dead Boy really fancies both the girls. There is a hilarious moment when the Dead Boy falls face first into one of the girls’ bowl of soup, BUT IT ONLY TURNS THEM ON MORE! "I love a man with a strong stomach!" she coos, biting her lip, which is a source of rich amusement for the audience, who know that Dead Boy actually hasn’t got a stomach, or a liver, or teeth, or at least 74% of his reproductive organs! At this point, Alfred tugs his collar and grimaces as if to say ''Crikey o riley!''.

Another scene would see Alfred playing five a side football with his mates and their kids, and doing pretty well in the process. Only problem is, one of the kids hurts their ankle doing a sliding tackle and Alfred’s team is down one player! Luckily, Alfred knows just who he can stick in goal to keep a clean sheet… that is, unless you throw said sheet over his multiple exhaust pipe lacerations!

The possibilities are endless – Dead Boy the draft excluder, Dead Boy wins 50 quid for Alfred at the Human Statue contest, Dead Boy’s rigor mortis strengthened forelimbs used to carnally satisfy Alfred’s disconsolate wife! As you can see, Alfred often could use the Dead Boy to his advantage, but obviously there would be a lot of episodes where Dead Boy turned up at precisely the wrong moment as well – spread eagled atop Alfred’s face as he’s trying to conceive another child, for example, or on top of the lectern when he’s making an important speech at his company.

I can see no possible objection to this idea, except perhaps that it’s ‘unrealistic’. Well, you know what? I think that the manager of a hotel being incredibly rude to his guests and openly slurring the nationality of a group of Germans a bit ‘unrealistic’ too! Enough said!

some drexyciya tunes

2009-03-21T05:29:00.000-07:00

Have U Got A Fresh Pair of Panties On?

2009-03-20T05:17:00.000-07:00

1.

I was going to draw up a list of why Snoop Dogg is one of my favourite people in the world but then I thought I'll just post up this video which everyone's seen a thousand times before.

2. He can spell his own name out and hardly ever gets it wrong.
3. DON'T DRINK + DRIVE SMOKE A SPLIFF AND FLY!!! TAKE ME 2 YOUR DEALER!! etc

He should really have vocalled 'Digidesign' or something.

''Nah nah nah nah/Nah nah nah nah/Hey hey hey/Snoop Dogg...''

Crazy Legs Night in Brizzle

2009-03-20T05:09:00.000-07:00

5 squid? Are u mad? Tickets.

Hardcore tunes

2009-03-18T12:13:00.000-07:00

I've said it before and I'll say it again - there's more ideas thrown away in most of these tunes than there are in the entire output of most producers today.

PWNING BORING PORN TING

2009-03-18T05:58:00.000-07:00

"You call that 'hardcore pornography'? More like 'hardcore YAWNography'!" Here's some ideas I've had in between mental and physical seizures.

1. Lets have some original nationalities - I'm sick to the suspiciously tightly meshed hairs on my stomach of Americans, Germans, Frenchies and half-dead Eastern Europeans! I want to see how Inuits deal with a double-ended dildo. N.B. If they use it to paddle their canoes around this would also be of interest, though not necessarily of the sexually arousing sort.

2. More educational tattoos - Why is it that every time I'm staring at the sweat-projecting back end of a grunting man as he rams his Viagra-numbed loin-chip up a hairless pelvic-vomit I am forced to read some of the most intellectually banal prose this side of a World of Sofas catalogue? Would it kill these boys to get something worth reading inked onto their shoulder blades? How about a passage from Divina Commedia, or an in depth article about the Russian invasion of Georgia, and its implications for international relations in a post 9-11 world? "Bad motherfucker'' will NOT DO. You might as well have a picture of a herpes sore with an arrow through it, with the words ''I'm desperate for money'' etched beneath it.

Also, how many bows and stars do we really need to see adorning the crown of a ruptured cum-dripping anus? It just looks tacky. I suggest something more along these lines:

There - isn't that better?

3. I'd like to see more flair in terms of camework and direction - at the moment the medium is crushingly uninventive. Sure, we have POV porn, but its always from the POV of the party who is receiving oral and giving penetrative sex. By simply taping a cow's tongue to the lens of a camera, the effect of performing cunnulingus on a 28 year old cheerleader with a triple-pierced clitoris and genital warts could be brought right into the viewer's home!

Even this seems too conventional to me - why is there no POV porn which takes the POV of a blue-bottle fly, trapped between an ornamental vase and a window pane in the adjacent room to an interracial gang-bang? How about the POV of a merciful God, looking down on a nun-on-nun fisting orgy with tears in his orbic eyes (the effect could be supplied by spraying a water-hose onto the camera lens and having Brian Blessed sing 'Oh Come All Ye Faithful' over the top of it)?

4. There really aren't enough special effects in most pornos. Everybody knows that special effects are the most entertaining aspect of any film, because they make us wonder what divine power resides in man's mortal frame - see: E.T. moving, Heath Ledger appearing to be alive in 'The Dark Knight'. There should be more giant computer-generated robot-cars in porn films, not to mention more exploding hovercrafts. Perhaps, to give one example, there could be a short film involving Jena Jameson kneeling in the middle of a computer-generated robot-car circle jerk, and when one of the computer generated robot-cars ejaculates, he misses her mouth and manages to blow up a hovercraft. This would also be funny, and true.

5. More audience interactivity. I'm thinking along the lines of the Reality TV phenomenon, which has made watching television more exciting and cognitively edifying than ever before! Why not have a voting system, whereby the ugliest women and most pathetically endowed men are routinely escorted from a jacuzzi-based bubble-buggering and forced to bob for used dildos in a gigantic paddling pool full of torn condoms and baby-oil? Why not, indeed?

Remember, the audience is not only always right, it is also always morally irreproachable.

6. This is similar to point 2, but relates to dialogue. Why oh why do we have to endure the same old 'Fuck me harder1 oo yeah, you like this wet little pussy don't you, dadd- I mean, STEP-daddy?' 'yeah baby-cakes, I'm fucking you in that pussy, you like that in your little tight faintly disturbing hint of prebuscently miniscule pussy don't you, sugar dove?' spiel, when there are such beautiful and fascinating things that could be talked about? I for one would like to see porn stars discussing Aristotle's poetics and the redemptive power of filial piety in our post-modern world, preferably while sitting on each other's fingers and stuffing their mouths with dicks.

Basically, imagine Question Time but with a slop-bucket instead of a table.

Porn really doesn't have to revolve around sex, you know.

7. I may be going out on a limb here, but couldn't more porn involve the strangulation and dismemberment of a live monkey at its climax?

I dunno, call me eccentric if you will, but I think that would really add some pizazz to proceedings. Also, if this WAS included, I might finally be able to squeeze off a table-spoon of baby-cream and leave my house.

It's just thoughts.

March YouTube Mix-Blog

2009-03-18T05:15:00.000-07:00

and they say being unemployed is a waste of time...

Recloose

2009-03-17T12:31:00.000-07:00

Cant Take It feat. Dwele - Recloose

Party Hard

2009-03-17T08:56:00.000-07:00

You might as well in a recession - you aren't going to be working hard, are you?

I saw Andrew WK live many years ago and until I had danced around my house naked singing ''DONEEEEO'' at the top of my reedy little voice, it was the best moment of my entire life.

ZUT AGORES!

2009-03-17T08:08:00.000-07:00

Stuart Grumblesome on how the German school-system failed knucklehead gunman Tim Kretschmer.

There are some things, my friends, that can be counted on to occur with the regularity of the ticking of the Greenwich clock – the delivery of a pint of skimmed outside my cottage every morning, the steady erosion of our civil liberties by a bunch of Islamist fanatics who should be locked up and detonated, and another Premiership title for those boys in United Red!

But one thing seems to occur with even more regularity than the ticking of the Greenwich clock. No sooner has the little hand covered half the distance of a second before another unhinged Lanky Yanky Goth sprays up his classroom with an UZI before the donut-guzzling boys in blue can wipe the jelly off their fingers and get on with filling him full of brass.

In the case of last weeks tragic BLOODBATH in Germany, the tragedy was further compounded by the fact that the Lanky Yanky Goth was in this particular case a Speccy Kraut who should have known better.

Now, I now what you’re saying, dear readers! "Leave it out, Stu! Why, it was only about 50 years ago that those crazy sausage-botherers were trying to bomb us to bits in order to build a big bank on top of our green and pleasant, not to mention being intent on serving up Half-sack Hitler a big POLISH PEOPLE PIE for his diabolical din dins– don’t you remember the FUHRORE around it?"

Well, of course I do! But times have changed. We have to let bygones be bygones. I say the Krauts are alright. After all, what other country lets you drive a steady Tonne PLUS down their main motorway without calling out the rozzers on you?

The Germans are more laid-back than the whore-mongering Dutch nowadays, as any Lederhosen clad, cheery-faced beer-swilling Hun will happily tell you (in pretty good English, too!). And a bloody good thing too, in this writer’s humble opinion!

Which fact makes last weeks GUN JAMBOREE in a German super-Schule particularly confusing and tragic. It seems that the once ruthlessly efficient Deutsch have succumbed a little too much to the Bacchanalian uproar of their nearest neighbours on the continent, and are beginning to let things go up the shoot and out of the hand!

On first glance, KAISER SKILLEDAIM Tim Kretschmer doesn’t strike you as being a potential KILLJOY. He wears glasses and a buttoned up shirt. This neat young man looks a thousand miles away from the HOOD AND SNEAKERS clad yobbos that we are familiar with over here, and his skin is as white as snow!

This cherubic fawn was a keen table-tennis player, and had a rich and industrious Vater. Surely, you must be thinking, this respectable old cove had the good manners, hardened Protestant work ethic and intellectual prowess that would have marked him out for a career in one of his Reich’s Bankplatzes? Isn’t this the face of Germany’s 21st Century UBERFOLK?

But Ah, my Friends! Appearances can be deceptive (except in the case of Hoodies and Islamists, who don’t have the decency to disguise themselves, of course!), and in this case OLD UNCLE FRITZ was pulling a fast one the likes of which hasn’t been seen since ORIBBLE ITLER told Lord Churchill he was "just looking after" the REINLAND for "ein friend"!

Kretschmer was a noodle-head! A dunderwit, a dumbkopf, ein DOLT! This was a German who couldn’t count how many sausages are in a string! Not only did he leave school at the age of 17, when most Germans should be doing PHDs in Astrochemical Engineering and Physics, but several other facts have since come to light which put the KOSH on BOSH educational standards!

Kretschmer promised on an internet chat-room that he would murder "at least 10" of his former classmates. In the event of it, the poor pea-brain actually copper-clobbered only NINE of them.

In a suicidal weepy note Kretschmer gave to his parents before the PLAYGROUND-PUTSCH, he wrote: "I am alone and disloved in a cruel wurld" (spelling mistakes translated as best as can be).
Police who searched the crime-scene in the AFTERBLOODBATHAFTERMATH discovered that several of the potential victims of Kretschmer’s BLUT-LOOST had not done their homework.

Now, I’m not saying that Kretschmer’s school-teachers are entirely to blame for what happened. Other factors – such as violent video games which taught Kretschmer how a gun is operated by pressing the trigger down to make death come out of it – are certainly worth considering (and then discarding!).

But should all of this really be happening in a German school, and in a middle class area?

I mean, look at how organised this lot are! You wouldn't find any of these Jerries telling their teacher ''MEIN DOG ETZEN IT!''

Could it not be time to dust off that IRON FIST, MEIN KOMRADES? I humbly suggest the construction of a multitude of bullet-proof BERLIN WALLS around the uncommonly stupid and/or brown pupils as a first measure of protection, followed by the implementation of a strong political leader who can tackle both the threat of over-relaxation and economic turmoil.

Furthermore, after Police revealed this week that Kretschmer fired over 40 shots without hitting a single person during the rampage, I suggest that all intelligent and industrious pupils attending German schools are given compulsory light arms training and instruction in the correct wiring of explosives.

You know it makes sentzen.

Hummer for the Summer pt 232

2009-03-16T04:09:00.000-07:00

1. Wearing a hawaian shirt will no longer be a shameful ordeal, except if you are being buggered violently at the time with an apple in your mouth.

2. Those wishing to stare at lithe and hairless legs in the midday sun will no longer be forced to lie on their bellies on the perimeter fence of the playground with a bin bag over their heads and a telescope.

3. Everybody will be wearing sunglasses, and the blind will no longer be ostracised figures of fun and objects of cruel ridicule, as I will be unable to discern them by sight alone.

4. As my mother used to say to me as a young scamp: ''The more hours in the day there are, the less hours in bed at night thinking about death there are!''

5. Although sand-castle related murders will rise over the summer months, school shootings will be down 100%.

Futureproving difficult to make a pun out of

2009-03-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

but fuck it. I heard this tune getting dropped at a squat-after-party after Futureproof this Saturday just gone. Even through the haze of utter wonk I could tell a tune that wasn't made for a brain-damaged, sweat-festooned puny toon, and oh how I danced. Someone also dropped this:

At the night itself, this brought the lights up:
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I have to admit when I was dancing to this I wasn't really from the endz, but I just pretended and I don't think anyone noticed. Lil Silva absolutely merked it - when I came in he was rolling out Now That's What I Call Funky the selection, and that was absolutely fine and jilldandy, given that this isn't anywhere near as bad a prospect as a Now That's What I Call Coldplay selection or Now That's What I Call Music T-Pain Isn't Inspired By selection. It means Gabryelle RMX, Do You Mind, Sirens and that Crazy Cousinz tune with the Xylophone which sounded fucking unbelievable on the FP system.

The system was ridiculously big (I think Silva said he'd never heard Funky on such a huge rig) and interestingly it reminded me of how much better suited dubstep is to that sort of system than garage, which needs to be a little more light in my opinion. Funky came through perfectly, though, it's amazing how simple but solid a lot of those tunes are (I mean that Roska tune 'Gone to a Better Place' is essentially the same thing over and over again, but all these little details keep the momentum up). Funky makes people MOVE too - I hate that cliche of dubstep being all people shuffling around farting buds down their trouser legs and tongueing each others nostrils but there IS something more doneo-may-care about dancing to Funky. I don't know if people in Funky say things like ''This tune makes me want to rape Bono...'' yet because it doesn't seem like aggressive music, by and large. Even the grimey tunes Lil Silva makes are still quite fun and bouncy - it's that balance of aggression and party energy that a lot of 'jump up' music doesn't seem to nail to me.

On the dubstep tip I have to big up Ben UFO for playing Almighty Father RMX and also Shattered by Coki, which I realised is a bad bad tune - Coki's drums are underrated, at least on those oldish tunes. The whole night was fucking great as usual. Hold very tight and close your eyes @ Tom, Rachel, Lewis, Geiom, Dawntreader, Brackles and Mart etc.

While I'm here I may as well plug a few mixes that have been doing it for me in recent weeks. For deep house fans HERE's a Move D mix (right click and save). You should also check out the following:

(right click and save on picture - original mix HERE). This mix is basically techno, some interesting tunes in there though.

Mount Kimbie – William – Hotflush

Soulphiction – What's Your Name - Musik Krause

Moodymann - Freeki Mutha F cker - KDJ

NSI - Hassel - Cadenza

Lowtec - I Remember - Playhouse

Syncom Data - Beyond The Stars (Speedy J Remix) - SD

Ben Klock - OK - Ostgut Ton

Modi and Fegiz - El Solitaire - Vinylclub

The Missing Link - 911 - Wagon Repair

Lazy Fat People - Low Profile - Perspectiv Records

AntonZap - Pm Please - Underground Quality

Fail Forever - When Saints Go Machine (dOP Remix) - EMI

Lowtec - Workshop 006 - Workshop

Animal Collective - My Girls - Domino Recording Company

(click on pic for sendspace link. Original link HERE). This is straight techno of a very high quality.

1. Function - Variance (Regis Edit) [Sandwell District]
2. Liquid Sky - The Darkness [Filtered Vision]
3. Shed - The Lower Upside Down (Surgeon Remix) [Ostgut Ton]
4. Norman Nodge - Man Made [MDR]
5. Bandalu - Episode 07 [Foundation Sound Works]
6. The Mole - Ain't The Way It's Supposed To Be [Wagon Repair]
7. Surgeon - Prowler [Counterbalance]
8. Omar-S - Busaru Beats [Sound Signature]
9. Ben Klock - Grip [Ostgut Ton]
10. Levon Vincent - Six Figures [Novel Sound]
11. Steffan Linzatti - See [Stockholm LTD]
12. Steve Stoll - Run in It B1 [Proper]
13. Norman Nodge - Rush [MDR]
14. Ben Klock - Before One [Ostgut Ton]
15. Booka Shade - Sweet Lies (Radio Slave Remix) [Get Physical]
16. Marcel Dettmann - Untitled [Unreleased]
17. Kink - Blue Print [Rush Hour]
18. Roman Lindau - Simplicity [Fachwork]

2009-02-26T08:29:00.000-08:00

Dj Vorn - Hacienda Classics

1) New Order - Ruined In A Day (K-Klass Mix)*

2) Happy Mondays - Hallelujah (Club Mix)*

3) Degrees Of Motion - Do You Want It Right Now*

4) Sueno Latino - Sueno Latino*

5) Rob Base & Dj E-Z Rock - It Takes Two*

6) King Bee - Back By Dope Demand*

7) Young MC - Know How*

8) Shannon - Let The Musci Play*

9) The Source ft. Candi Stanton - You Got The Love*

10) Kariya - Baby Let Me Love You For Tonight*

11) Richie Rich - Salsa House

12) Eric B & Rakim - Juice (Know The Ledge) (Instrumental)

13) Dj Mink - Hey! Hey! Can You Relate (Hard Rap)

14) Orange Lemon - Dreams Of Santa Anna*

15) New Order/Rockers Revenge - Confusion/Walking on Sunshine*

16) Kenny Jason - I Can Dance*

17) Urban Soul - Alright*

18) T-Coy - Carino

19) Farley 'Jackmaster' Funk & Jesse Saunders - Love Can't Turn Around*

20) Mr Lee - Pump Up London*

21) Todd Terry - Weekend*

22) Sterling Void - Its Alright*

23) Loleatta Holloway - Love Sensation*

24) Al Naayfish - Hashim (The Soul)*

25) FPI Project - Everybody (All Over The World)*

26) Soft House Company - What You Need*

27) Turntable Orchestra - You're Gonna Miss Me*

28) Mr Fingers - Can You Feel It

29) Inner City - Good Life*

30) Beat Club - Security (MidnightClub Mix)

31) TC 1991 - Berry

32) K-Klass - Rhythm Is A Mystery*

33) Orbital - Belfast*

34) Alison Limerick - Where Love Lives (Classic Mix)*

35) Charles B & Adonis - Lack Of Loving*

36) Rhythim Is Rhythim - Strings Of Life*

37) Joe Smooth - Promised Land*

38) Blackbox - Ride On Time*

39) Bassheads - Is There Anybody Out There*

40) Jaydee - Plastic Dreams*

41) 808 State - Paciffic State*

42) A Guy Called Gerald - Voodoo Ray*

43) Future Sound Of London - Pappa New

44) Primal Scream - Come Together

* Denotes a Savage edit (NB: I think this means he's fucked around with it on ableton)

Roll on summer

2009-02-25T05:32:00.000-08:00

I can't wait for those two days of sunshine.

Hyping Nerd

2009-02-20T04:00:00.000-08:00

For those fortunate people who don't spend all their time on internet forums/blogs (what the fuck are you doing here?!), click on THIS link to listen again to Benji B's 1xtra show from last night... >> to about 54 minutes in for the Hyperdub showcase. New Burial tunes, the new Cooly G, the new Kode tune (fucked!) etc. Needless to say, before listening to this you should put on that special pair of yellow pants and get the air freshener out.

Samiam – Return (Hyperdub)
Kode9 – Black Sun (Hyperdub)
Cooly G – Love Dub (Refix) (Hyperdub)
Iconica – Sahara Micheal (Hyperdub)
2000F & JKamata – You Don’t Know What Love Is (Hyperdub)
Dark Star – Digital (Hyperdub)
Burial – Untitled (Hyperdub)
LV – Take Away (Hyperdub)
Burial – Untitled (Hyperdub)
Kode9 – Too Far Gone (Hyperdub)
Terror Danjah – Sonar
Lemon D – Manhattan Melody

I've only listened up to Dark Star so far but I'm already finding it hard to breathe through my knuckles.

The subtext of all the interesting discussions going on here is 'who is going to win the 'Most near-obnoxiously laid-back voice' battle between Benji 'yeah mannnn' B and Kode 'out to the lazy wino' 9?' Lets be honest, tho, if Trevor Nelson had ramped up it would have been all over - he'd have showered down with verbal coffee from his filter-tongue and everyone would have got scolded (gently). Regardless of style, Kode slews as always with content - the 'freak magnet' label, the 'cameo sandwich' etc. Quotables for days and the labels not bad either. Somebody get Kode back on Rinse ASAP.

NB: Everybody should get their 5 pounds ready now to donate to Bangledesh/Thailand/Cornwall when the genital juices of a million geeks are released simultaneously upon hearing the new Burial tunes (not to mention the gaseous tears of London and the geriatric dribble of the Hardcore Continuum) and the sea level on earth rises by 5 feet. I am personally preparing 'Action Packs' for this event which will teach people how to construct adequately wistful metaphors 'distant footfalls in the puddle-pitted subway' and 'the voice of a thousand ravers walking through the darkness, searching for a couple of vapo-rubs to rub together' in response to the new tunes. I also suggest that everybody on the 'blogosphere' (and indeed on the 'realisphere' starts pitching titles for these tunes... it'll be sort of like the walkers crisps contest, only with more teary eyed wanks outside the Stratford Rex. (Anyone else disappointed by these Burial tunes?)

Shameless Plug pt 23450

2009-02-19T06:49:00.000-08:00

If any of you twunts are in Nottingham on the 7th March, or have just been chucked out of the DMZ 4th birthday queue for being too good looking and sophisticated, come here. It's going to be real on toast.

Peverelist @ Phonica 5th Birthday

2009-02-17T03:51:00.001-08:00

DOWNLOAD HERE

1. Turbulence - Notorious

2. Scuba - Twitch (Jamie Vex'd RMX)

3. Gemmy - Bass Transmiter

4. Roni Size - Don't Hold Back (Joker RMX) Instrumental

5. Joker - Untitled.rsn

6. RSD - Over It

7. 2nd II None - Waterfalls (Peverelist RMX)

8. Peverelist - Dub

9. Peverelist - The Blues (or bluez)

10. STP aka. Shed - The Fall (Peverelist RMX)

11. Peverelist - Esperanto (dub)

12. Pinch - Midnight Oil

13. Peverelist - On & On

14. " - " " "

15. Shackleton - You Bring Me Down (peverelist remix) (~scape)

16. Peverelist - Infinity Is Now

17. 2562 - Dub

18. Mala - City Cycle

19. Henry & Louie - Rise Up (RSD RMX)

20. Martyn - Vancouver (2562 RMX)

21. 2562 - Kontrol

22. Pinch vs Peverelist - Revival (dub)

23. Pinch - Joyride (tectonic)

24. Guido - Orchestral Lab

This set is quite the tits, big up lemon78 for the upload. I listened to this set quite recently, lying in complete darkness while off my tits, and on my headphones it was a revelation. It distracted me so much that I forgot to be sick all over myself. For that alone, big up Peverelist.

A lot of basslines on this mix are really low, almost subliminal, anchored in the kick drum - sort of a jungle sounding 808 style bass but often pounding in a Miami Bass/techno sort of way. Pay special attention to ''The Bluez'' to catch some of this gulp-of-barry-white-bass; if you're listening on some proper speakers/headphones, you won't even need to be told that. This chest-pounding intensity in the kicks reminds me of Mala tunes like 'Bury the Boy', 'Neverland' and (the included) 'City Cycle'. It's a powerful, eyes-down and tribal sort of sound, inducing the same sort of mesmeric trance that techno can while remaining rhythmically dynamic and restless.

The synths on top (as in 'Midnight Oil' by Pinch) are altogether more icy and otherworldly than on Mala's warmer, more poignantly mournful tunes, I think.* I suppose these filtered saws/squares are the sort you find in a lot of Detroit techno, but also in some of the jungle/DNB that Pev says he is influenced by in THIS interview with Resident Advisor. Any excuse to post up one of the best DNB tunes ever made, eh?

''If you listen to a Krust or Die or Bill Riley record from the mid-90's—and they're some of my biggest influences—they're just long drum & bass grooves, or "rollers" as they came to be known. They just go on forever and mutate, and that's more where the Peverelist sound comes from rather than it being dubstep plus techno equals Peverelist.'' (RA interview)

This set has the magic 'trance out + spaz out' combination that a merging of techno and dubstep at its best should have IN MY OPINION (see: THIS post on Detmann/Shed et al from January). Of course, Pev himself probably just sees this apparent techno/dubstep fusion in his music as a continuation of the 'roller' aesthetic in jungle. And you can see the widsom in this (leaving aside the truth in it for a brief pseudo point) - keeping the rudeness and reggae soundsystem elements in dubstep and not abandoning the faith in meditational/hypnotic states, minimalism, subtlety etc. (also in resisting turning dubstep into a monolithic pound in the process of escaping from it becoming a monotonous kick-fill revved drop contest).

This was one of the keys to the power of pre-wobble dubstep - a stripped down and tough groove hooking you in, subtleties of rhythm/texture unfolding over the top of it. Somebody please get rid of the smoking ban so we can all start drooling against the speakers again with our hands in our pockets. Ketamine won't cut it, it makes you too interested in how everybody's staring at you, you just know they are. For now, stoned on headphones is the best that can be done for me.

blah blah blah... Annnyway all pontification aside it's a banging mix that will make you screwface a lot. So download it, you wasteposthuman.

* interestingly just remembered how Pev talks about 'taking the human qualities' out of his music in the RA interview. Could be a bit presumptuous of me to say so but I reckon Mala's approach could be quite the opposite!

Brackles Fact Magazine Mix

2009-02-16T08:07:00.000-08:00

Still suffering from blogger's block (a condition which, in my particular case, could be likened to a serial killer suddenly losing the will to strangle people and eat their thigh muscles), I haven't really got anything to say except DOWNLOAD THIS MIX if you like good music and not Princess Superstar/molesting children. (P.S. If u read dis u r gay.)

Here are three ultra-excloose facts about Brackles that nobody in the media will ever get out of him:

He is tall, though not so tall as to be able to hurdle a double decker bus without spraining his ankle.
He doesn't wear top-hats, or at least hasn't worn one yet. He probably could be persuaded to, however, especially by a loaded gun being aimed at his genitals. We shall see come Friday.
He breathes oxygen in order to survive, except when floating in deep space, where he swells to the size of a Peugot 206 and then explodes, scattering diffusely the particles that once were held together by quantuum forces to become the-one-like Brackles. At least in theory.

Special mention must go to the 'No Hype' RMX, composed under the metaphorical Bat of Tempaclese, which is wicked and such an offbeat combination that it manages to make getting dragged out of your car and beaten to within an inch of your life sound like a fun-but-frisky activity, like having your eyes gouged out by a clown.

Martin Kemp – No Charisma - dubplate
DJ Mystery – Speechless - mp3
Roska – Gone To A Better Place - Roska Kicks and Snares
Greena – Actual Pain - forthcoming ApplePips
Vincent J Alvis – Body Killin (M-Dubs Breakbeat Funk Vocal) - Babyshack
Mickey Pearce – Innami - dubplate
Brackles – Lizards - forthcoming Applepips
Agent X – Killahertz (Alias Remix) - Heatseeker
Big$hot – Stomp - White
Joker & Ginz - Purple City - unreleased
Zomby – Aquafresh - Hyperdub
Untold – Anaconda - unreleased
Youngstar – Bongo - DDX
Brackles – Getajob - forthcoming Applepips
Zomby – Strange Fruit - Ramp
Dexplicit ft. Gemma Fox - Might Be - More2dafloor
Brackles – LHC - dubplate
Menta - Sounds of the future - Sounds of the Future
2562 – Circulate - Tectonic
Brackles – Glazed - Berkane Sol
Tempz - Next Hype (Brackles Remix) – forthcoming No Hats No Hoods

ahemEdit: all these 'it's like being ___ in the ___ BY A CLOWN!'' comparisons are fucking shit I realise, but also easy to use for a cheap laugh - LIKE AN ILLEGAL PROSTITUTE CLOWN!

Let the LOLs echo through the valleys.

UK Funky spliced with Hardcore/Jungle

2009-02-12T05:32:00.000-08:00

Big up to Redlock for these old skool sampling funky tunes and gremino and Ach! on dissensus for the heads up. Would love to hear more of this sort of thing, I think there's a definite (if latent) link between a lot of the harder funky and old skool (pitched percussion, harsh/metallic sounds, cavernous bass drops etc.).

I got a load of funky tunes in the post this month (along with two dubstep tunes that haven't fared very well in the replay stakes) and although the harder tunes are definitely saying a lot the biggest tune of all of them is still this one

Not only will I dance to this, I will also wash my hair and wrap it in a towel to this, and will start singing along with a pair of hair straighteners to this. I will go out on the town in high heels to this, drink a lot of white wine to this, and not let anybody spoil my fun cos I'm letting my hair down to this.

Happy Birthday to...

2009-02-08T12:36:00.000-08:00

Dilla... (yesterday)

More Boorman Slewage

2009-02-08T10:37:00.000-08:00

there are seven other parts, starting with THIS one. I don't think the guy playing Boorman really nailed it, opting for the comedic type 'chortling, snivelling posh creep' over 'wide-eyed, insultingly (posh) ignorant (posh) creepy-cushion'.

As difficult as it is for even the most softened Christian to believe, there are apparently people who read this blog and they might be wondering why I've stopped complaining daily about obscurely buttercup tinkles in the multi-storey-car-park-stairwell of popular music over the last month. The answer is not ''he got a life'', but more along the lines of ''he got a computer virus from downloading hundreds of gigabytes of flash video porn without protection''. On the bright side I think this means that I can technically claim to have an STI. On the other bright side it means that I haven't been able to post a bunch of inane fucking bullshit on this here blog.

But to all those underwear models who have been accosting me in pubs recently in anxious states, informing me of how irreplacable my reviews of FWDs are, no matter how many obergines they can fit up there, I type this: I'll probably get my computer fixed soon and it'll be at least two months until its copper synpases are clogged up with cheerleader nipples and clitoris piercings.

Releasing digressional crashes

2009-01-14T13:22:00.001-08:00

This tune (or at least, the first verse of this tune) is fucked. The intro sounds like one of those nightmares you have about being raped by a clown in a playpen with a mouth full of play-doh (I'm talking to you, Corpsey) and then Pharoah appears out of a storm-cloud like my Dad wearing all my clothes telling me to get my filthy hands off his wife, with the same booming voice and the same threats of my flesh being burned by the poetical germ grenade.

It really is uncanny. It drifts off a bit after that, like when the Clown starts taking me missionary style on a tranquil golf course with a complete lack of vigour and passion which belies his loud and lusty declarations of wanting to colour his nose in my traumatised anus. Zzzzzzzzzz...

''I cannae belee I'm in siberia wi ma mate charlah!''

2009-01-14T13:12:00.000-08:00

coming soon: a passionate argument to suggest that ''Charlie Boorman: By Any Means Necessary'' is a far more entertaining program than ''The Wire'' ever was, and probably about ten times as important (to Charlie Boorman's porcine spawn).

Dettmann definitely der Bestman

2009-01-02T12:03:00.000-08:00

Happy new year to all of you (that's right, I'm talking to all five of the personalities currently occupying my skull)! My number one new resolution (after cutting down on burning, losing some bone and being nicer to dinner plates) is to make this blog slightly better than utterly awful, but you know how New Years resolutions are!

So, in that spirit, here's a link to a mix that is already linked on a popular website which all five of you already read with a hangdog regularity. It's a mix by Marcel Dettmann, resident DJ of Berlin uber-luber-twofer(atenner)-klub Berghain, and is fucking splendid.

Right click and save HERE to begin your accquisition. Go HERE to read the pre-amble, including an interview with Detmann in which he talks extensively about his interest in planing wood surfaces in order to ''annhilate their grievous imperfections'', and of how his cuff-links talk to him sometimes at night.

Ø - Unien Holvit - Sähkö Recordings
Terre Thaemlitz - A Crippled Left Wing Soars With The Right (Steal This Record Remix By DJ Sprinkles) - Mule Electronic
Levon Vincent - Invisible Bitchslap - Deconstruct Music
Cheeba Starks presents The Toupe Committee - GoGo Bop (A Trip To The Bodega) - Groove On
Marvin Dash - B2 - Force Inc. Music
Rolando - Where Were You - Delsin
The Black Dog - Train By Autobahn (Robert Hood's DJ Remix) - Soma
Shackleton - You Bring Me Down (Peverelist Remix) - Skull Disco
Shake - Indagoo - Morphine
Casino Classix - Ringer - Ifach
Common Factor - In To - Planet E
Ja & Dg - The Clock (Ben Klock Remix) - Rekids
Scuba - From Within (Marcel DettmannRemix) - Hotflush
Shed - Another Wedged Chicken - Ostgut Ton
Norman Nodge - Man Made - MDR
Fix - Dope Computer (Ken Ishii Remix) - Nightvision
Unknown - N/A (Function Edit)
Louis Guilliaume - Time Relapse - SD Records
DJ Assault - Vandalism - Self Released
Lab Rat XL - Lab Rat 2 - Clone
Marcel Dettmann - Plain - Beatstreet
Shackleton - Shortwave - Skull Disco
Female - HE. 2 - Downwards
G. Family Feat. Nombongo - People With Bullets - Earthrumental Music
EQD - Equalized 002 B1 - Equalized

This mix reminds me a lot of Scuba's xlr8r podcast* - the same intermittent sense of techno and dubstep (and other sounds) crumbling in the mix into a nebulous rhythms and textures which sound like both genres at the same time as sounding like neither entirely. Of course, in both mixes, it isn't this disorientating and surprising strain of shapelessness alone which makes them worth listening to. But the quality of (many of) the tunes in these mixes is difficult to separate from this boundary breaking tendency.

Certainly, Dettmann's podcast has caught my slightly technophobic ear because of his constant (though I suppose as smooth and subtle as you'd expect from a techno jock) shifting between rhythms and moods. This measured eclecticism chimes in somewhat with my recent infatuation with DJs who are mixing funky/garage/techno/house/dubstep together, though - this being techno - doesn't seem half as wild or unrestrained, and still relies in the listener's immersion in and acclimatisation to a persistent pulse.

Dubstep (on its more techno-referencing side) has been fusing variation of rhythm with deep immersion for the past few years, and was certainly operating in a similar way when Youngsta and Hatcha were mixing early Mystikz, Skream, Benga, D1 with grime and garage three or four years ago. Perhaps this fusion, rather than a simple foregrounding of sub-bass, is what dubstep has to offer techno producers in the way of inspiration?

I've been listening to Shed's Shedding the Past, an album which has popped up on many 2008 best-of lists, and the rhythmic diversity of Dettmann's podcast (which includes a Shed tune) - not to mention a general mood of extreme moodiness - is in evidence all over it. Take this tune:

Those snares, to me, sound like they're straight out of a jungle tune, and the rhythm is generally quite steppy. I know fuck all about techno (in case you haven't guessed), so this album (along with Dettmann's mix) has been quite eye-opening to me - I wasn't aware that techno could sound like this (supposing this track IS techno?), assuming that there must always be at least the hint of a 4x4 kick to tie things down.

Anyhoo, I think that this hybrid of techno/dubstep (dubstep itself being a hybrid of garage/jungle/techno) could be the place to look for really immersive, hypnotic AND exciting and unpredictable clubbing experiences in 2009, while on the more party-friendly, raw and balls-out exciting side of things it will (hopefully) be all about those blessed DJs who decide to take the best of what past-and-present 136 (and around that) music has to offer and hurl them together in the mix.

*fittingly, given Dettmann's recent remixing of Scuba's ''From Within''.

Funkle Fuck

2008-12-27T06:41:00.000-08:00

Christmas is traditionally a time of both giving and committing suicide, and today I feel like putting my metaphorical hand in my pocket and my figurative head in the symbolic oven simultaneously by bigging up a producer who has had to contend over the past year with having the same name as that guy off Eastenders who did this tune, which I'm sure you'll remember:

Now - is there any other tune which so instantly evokes sitting barely conscious by the bar at Christmas as everybody else whispers sweet Rohypnols in each others ears, staring with limp dead-eyed despair at your beer saturated lap, as wet and unloved as a stone at the bottom of the Irish sea? Wishing that a miniscule fanatic would run screaming into the pub and straight up your bottom, into your lower intestine and detonate a half pound of C4?

Plus - look at his son! I've seen dribbles of sperm embedded in my pubic wig that were less deserving of being screwed up in a ball of tissue and flushed into a sewer. This is precisely why everyone fucking hates Martin Kemp and wants to see him and his coiffured-turd of a son hung by their necks until they look like two bottles of HP Sauce that somebody is squeezing too hard in the middle.

But ^ THIS ^ Martin Kemp deserves none of your hatred (yet). His tunes (listen to some clips HERE) are, a bit like his brother Brackles', weird and wonky with a lot of shuffle in the beats and manage to be deep without losing the jump-n-twist factor.

I'd describe them as 'Deep Funky', if the very thought of such a genre emerging, in a thousand colours of the vinyl rainbow, didn't make my fingers atrophy with horror. But like funky tunes, these tunes have the warm and/or energetic pulse of house music coupled with the swing and sub-bass of two-step. But there's an atmosphere created by the synths and arrangement which you don't really find in the (amazing) UK Funky tunes by producers like Roska and H-H-Banton, which have similarly interesting and bodymovin rhythms to them. I guess you can hear this mixture emerging in tunes like this:

Elements of the dubstep and funky communities/scenes are definitely engaging in dialogue at the moment - Kode 9, whose latest set at FWD was (to the chagrin of some) about 50% funky/percussive house, seems to be leading the way as usual in this respect (and of course FWD itself). And apparently Marcus has been playing some bits by Kode and Ramadanman.

It seems to me that there's a great deal of dubstep (not all of it - see Silkie/Quest/TRG etc.) now which has less in common with UK garage than with DNB/techno/hip-hop, which is fine, but that garage-connection seems strong in Funky, and perhaps some sort of Funky/dubstep hybrid will emerge in 2009 that will help strengthen dubstep's ties to its musical roots in two-step and latterly 'tribal' percussion. [L.D has also just remixed 'Do You Mind' and you can't forget D1, whose 'Oingy Boingy' bridges the gap nicely]

I've recently ranted about the merits of mixing things up on here, and I'd love to see either some slightly slower dubstep or slightly faster funky coming out in 2009 so that its easier to mix them together. When mixing house/techno/garage/funky together I find that dubstep is the only genre that is slightly harder to fit in, unless you pitch the funky up or dubstep down. But some DJs are already managing to do it effectively (see HERE jimmy for a great little Jackmaster mix)

Anyway- Mart's tunes are bleedingly obviously marvellous, and will wipe forever from your mind the image of Martin punching that old dear Dot Cotton in the boat outside the Old Vic for nicking a hanky from his bloomin pockets. That was the original point of this post until I put my pontificating cap on.

SWALLOW YOUR DREAMS!

2008-12-26T06:33:00.000-08:00

HEY GOOD-LOOKIN'! Why the long face? What's the matter, huh, darling? Gee, I was just sitting in my room watching your latest scene from Gagged and Battered Vol. 3 and I could have sworn you looked like you weren't enjoying doing it as much as I was enjoying watching you not enjoying doing it! Now that just won't do! Sure, we all have problems, but sometimes you've just got to suck it up and get on with it. The show must go on. I mean, look at Adam Sandler. He's a big star with the weight of the world on his shoulders, he's got the paparazzi down his neck every second of the day, and you don't see him crying and moping in the middle of The Waterboy 2! He's a professional! Not like you, you WORM!

Does all this ring a bell? Does it sound a bit like what the internal monologue in your head is constantly whispering to you after another long hard day on the set of It's Ball-Draining Men! 4? That is, when it's not telling you to drown yourself and save Arnold 'Whopper' Johnson the bother? Then you're probably a young porn starlet who is lacking in confidence. It can be really hard being in this line of work when you have no self-confidence, especially when you take a second to consider that you're job is essentially to prostitute your idealised physique and to become an empty prism for the brightly burning sado-sexual fantasies of thousands of sexually unsuccessful, misogynistic and borderline sociopathic fiends. Luckily, I'm here to help!

My name is Dr. Peter Lacebo and I have a long and involved history in coming to the aid of vulnerable young women who have absolutely no self-esteem. Now I'm here to lend you a helping hand! Here's a few free tips to get the ball rollin'!

Visualise your success. Sure, 'success' in this instance means not throwing up with hot tears of self-loathing stinging your eyes as the first putrid jet of gonhorrea-stained semen shoots down your scream-wracked throat, but can you imagine what failing is going to be like? Just picture yourself swallowing every last drop of that biker's juice and mouthing hollow obscenities at the camera afterwards as a single white tendril explores the concaves of your trembling jaw - just like Michael Jordan does!

If you're kneeling in front of an audience and feeling a little nervous, here's a tip I picked up from an episode of The Simpsons! Simply picture the audience in their underwear! In fact, given the circumstances, try and picture them in underwear, trousers, a shirt, a thick jumper, a long overcoat and at a distance of 5000 miles, under the ground, dead. Doing this will enable you to tackle the trickiest of speeches, from summing up the financial year of your company to (as in your case) telling all ten of them to come over here right now and fuck it til your stomach's fatter than Santa Clause's.

Think of somebody you really admire being taken from two ways by gigantic moist and veiny cocks, and think about how they would react to the situation. Come on, Jainie! Would Hillary Clinton really let down the team by refusing to almost tear her anus in two for the delectation of a million shadowy perverts frothily masturbating in their darkened rooms?Not on your nelly!

Always smile! Smiling has been scientifically proved to release 'happy' chemicals in your brain. So if you smile throughout the torrid near-rape that you're about to go through, even when you are pirouetting on the fat greasy fingers of a tattooed sex-offender, it will all seem like a party in your body to which half of California's ex-convicts are invited! Smiling will also thus cut down your expenses, as you won't have to buy as much cocaine and heroin in order to not feel suicidally depressed, and will actually improve your standing in the porn industry. Why? Because if you're happy (or fleetingly appear to be), the customer is happy! (NB: This doesn't apply if you are making a porno in which the customer will only be happy if you appear to be writhing around in agony on the very precipice of death :-) )

Set Up Reachable Goals For Yourself. Write a list of goals for yourself such as :''Don't start cursing God until at least 20 minutes into the anal section'', ''Only take two valiums before arriving on set'' and ''Close your eyes before its too late'', and stick it up on your refrigerator!

Break up large and daunting tasks into smaller, achievable steps. Don't think of it as a ten inch long dildo – it's a four part 2.5 inch dildo! And that isn't a clenched fist – it's four fingers, a thumb and a huge hunk of meat, bone and gristle!

Remember, a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet! And five-hundred viagra-hardened, coke-frozen strangers? Well, they're just a desperately needed pay-cheque you haven't got yet!

Don't Always Place Yourself In Competition With Others. This is a foolish and futile thing to do, because there's always someone out there who will have gone down on more 15 inch cocks than you have. Or actually, considering how lacking in self-esteem you are, there's always someone out there who will have gone down on less 15 inch cocks than you have. So chin up. Or should that be 'down'? Hahaha! :-)

FIND ANY OF THESE USEFUL? THINK YOU WOULD LIKE TO STOP LIVING IN THE SHADOW OF YOUR CRIPPLING SELF-KNOWLEDGE? Well, you can delude yourself further simply by sending me $55.99 today, so that you can receive my book ''SWALLOW YOUR DREAMS!'', which will teach you how to stop caring about anything that happens to you, given that you are a biological fluke squirming for a universal millisecond atop a random configuration of rock and water! Because remember – once you ''SWALLOW YOUR DREAMS'', just as the uncaring and indifferent universe will, you can swallow ANYTHING!

I Got Ho Ho Hoez

2008-12-24T07:00:00.001-08:00

Merry Xmas to all illconceviedtatters.

Don't worry, I'll write something that isn't an embedding link for a youtube video very soon.

God Is A Jungle DJ

2008-12-14T11:29:00.000-08:00

aaaaand GQ's probably like Moses or something. If only the ten commandments had included things like ''Thou shalt make some fuckin' noise'' and ''Honour thy selecta''. Mash up soundboys, not choirboys. That's my christmas message.

D-Bridge

2008-12-14T11:02:00.000-08:00

Someone posted up the first of these on DNBA and I decided to post it up here, plus a few more bits. D-Bridge is wunderbar.

Daylight (with Fierce)

Last Straw (with Spacek)

Kismet

Creatures of Habit

Pick N Mix

2008-12-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

Lately it seems that all the best mixes I've been hearing have been mixing different styles up like sperm in the guts of a gangbang record breaker. There's Ben UFO's latest show, wot I just posted about yesterday, the boy Bizmarc's excellent funky/techno colliding Gorillacopter mix, Spyro and Maximum cross-breeding grime, garage and funky on Rinse a while ago, and many more examples which I can't be fucked to link right about now.

4 Line Haiku off Dissensus wrote this the other day:

"The growing amount of released funky seems to be leading to a lot of house/techno -> funky -> 2step -> dubstep type DJ sets, which is nothing but good news in my book.

I know for a fact that every single mix I'm doing at the moment goes something like that. Most of Ben UFO's recent radio shows are another (probably better) example.

Obviously this sort of thing has always been perfectly doable, but the combination of sped up funky and slightly pitched down 2step covers that slightly awkward BPM gap so perfectly, it would be rude not to do it"

and it reminded me of what Blackdown wrote in THIS post about Funky almost a year ago. Writing about how DJs in Napa in 2007 were mixing funky with bassline and grime and all-sorts of other things, he remarkled:

"(2000) was a halcyon era, where a tempo plateau around 138bpm saw multiple genres and scenes mixing and interacting, with the old school UK garage guard meeting the upstarts of raw proto-grime, dark 4x4 beats like DJ Narrows being mixed with Zinc-inspired breakbeat garage rollers, housey Todd Edwards-style 4beat mixed into proto-dubstep like El-B, Horsepower and Zed Bias.

Since then the various factions have either diverged or fragmented, occasionally interacting but seldom truly engaging in sustained dialog. Until summer 2007. Seven years on, suddenly it felt like there was another tempo plateau appearing again.."

Having recently been extremely excited to hear this kind of DJing style in practice on various aformentioned radio shows, and having rejuvinated my own interest in mixing somewhat by mixing 'Woman Trouble' with UR's 'Timeline' (and discovering an uncanny fit in the process) and stuff like that, I would have to agree that if this style of DJing came into vogue in clubs as well as the bedrooms of GEEKS (lol) it would really be the kick in the pants that plenty of underground scenes are begging for.

Another DJ who has recently been doing this (in fact who has probably been doing it for fucking ages) is Night Slugs' honcho Alex Bok Bok. He talks about the ethos behind the Night Slugs night in THIS Fact Magazine interview, which also includes a mix which perfectly illustrates the sort of informed eclecticism I'm drooling about. You also need to check out his latest Sub FM show in which he went back to back with Dress 2 Sweat's head honcho (there's a lot of honchos sticking their oars in) Jackmaster. It is fucking superb. The link is HERE and the tracklist is as follows...

01 - ROSKA -
02 - D MALICE - monopoly
03 - ILL BLU - frontline instrumental
04 - APPLE - seigalizer
05 - KERIZMA - broken beats
06 - ROD LEE - let me see what u workin with
07 - DJ ROB 3 - the chase
08 -
09 - CRAZY COUSINZ - Infiltration
10 - FINGERPRINTS - just leave remix
11 - LIL SILVA - funky flex
12 -
13 - D1 - ongie bongie
14 - WIZZBIT - jamhot (DAVINCHE remix)
15 - DAVINCHE -
16 - WILEY -
17 - PALEFACE - Do You Mind (TERROR DANJAH remix ft KYLA & BADNESS)
18 - TUBBY - t-mac
19 - ROSKA - our father
20 - ZOMBY - rumours
21 - GEMMY - back to the future
22 - CRIME MOB - stilettos (pumps)
23 - IKONIKA - please
24 - RUSTIE - bad science
25 - ZOMBY - aquafre5h
26 - D1 - bg
27 - LIL SILVA - seasons
28 - GEENEUS - into the future
29 - IRONSOUL - you liar
30 - DOK - big bang
21 - LAVA UNIT - not interested
22 - RUDE KID - sing for me instrumental
22 - NASTEE BOI - bangorz
23 - L-VIS & BOK BOK - bongo ram refix
24 - MALA - hunter
25 - WITTYBOY - attention
26 - DS1 -
27 - DROP THE LIME - hear me (4x4 mosh dub)
28 - PANTHA - damn thing
29 - MYSTIC MATT - igloo 2008 remix
30 - unknown - ENDZ vs ICE RINK 4x4
31 - KODE9 vs LD - bad
32 - L-VIS 1990 - zahonda
33 - STARKEY - gutter music
34 - MOVES!!! - playaz
35 - ILLMANA - shut yr mout rudeboi
36 - FUZZY LOGIC - twiss
37 - PIDDY PY - giggle riddim
38 - L-VIS 1990 - playing with knives refix
39 - KENTPHONIK - sunday showers

There's obviously still a lot to be said for working within a single genre as a DJ - it allows you to go in deep in a way that playing across the board arguably doesn't. But personally I find that the idea of mixing like this actually makes me feel much more excited and pant-wettingly enthusiastic about being a DJ. For starters, it's obviously a lot more fun mixing together different styles of beats and discovering things that (often against all odds) work together in the blend. But it also seems to me that it makes selection a much more individualistic thing.

If you're a strictly dubstep DJ its hard to bring a selection that isn't going to be pretty much exactly the same as the next guy. With this style of DJing you have so much stuff to choose from that you might very well end up playing a completely distinct set from anyone else... And if that sounds like its coming too much from a DJs perspective, maybe it is. But I reckon a lot of people on dancefloors across the country would be relieved to hear a wider range of styles on a night out (I've got to mention Notts based nights Wigflex and Futureproof here, as both are pushing this kind of eclecticism) and it keeps things interesting/NOT BORING when you never really know what's coming next.

Oh, and here's the flyer for the next Night Slugs at which about four different absolute dons are spinning

Other things I recommend mixing up in 2009: Ketamine/Pills, Mars Bars/Apples, Indie Groups.

Ben UFO Ruffage Sessions 04.12.08

2008-12-09T13:01:00.000-08:00

Too ill and tired to think of a hilarious intro... get a haircut, when is hessle putting out a sven vath tune???, tea is a gateway drug etc etc... This show is farrr too good. Funky, garage, house, techno and an Instra:mental garage tune, mixed expertly. What more do you want - a hilarious intro?

Click HERE.

1. Recloose - Can't Take It (Planet E)
2. Anton Zap - Movin' (Quintessentials)
3. Omar s - Give It To Me (FXHE)
4. Cassy - April (Cassy02)
5. DJ Mystery - Shameless (white)
6. Zander VT - Get Down (Bpitch Control)
7. Roska - Gone To A Better Place (Roska Kicks and Snares)
8. Melchior Productions - Searching (Perlon)
9. Geeneus - Yellowtail (Rinse)
10. Portable - Notions of Slow and Fast (Scape)
11. Karizma - Groove A Cordingly (R2)
12. Pressure - Money Honey [remix] (Hyperdub)
13. Lighter - Skanker (white)
14. DJ Gregory - synth tune on uptown white (white)
15. Grievous Angel - Loser [funky mix] (Unreleased)
16. Tuff Productions - Top of the World [Steve Gurley dub] (?)
17. Tuff Jam vs. Todd Edwards - Need Good Love [Tuff Jam DIY Dub] (XL)
18. Grain - ??? (?)
19. Scott Garcia - ? (white)
20. Dem 2 - Baby You're So Sexy [Dub] (Locked On)
21. Sully - Reminder (Unreleased)
22. Kode 9 - Sub-Kontinent (Rephlex)
23. Instra:mental - Forbidden (Unreleased)
24. Zomby - Rumours and Revelations (?)
25. Likhan - Broken Stepper (Unreleased)
26. Kode 9 vs. LD - Bad (Hyperdub)
27. Brackles - Lizards (Unreleased)
28. Moves!!! - Playaz (Dress 2 Sweat)
29. Greena - Mr. Vansan Too (Unreleased)
30. XI - Dreaming Void (Unreleased)
31. Pangaea - Bear Witness (Forthcoming Hotflush)
32. Milanese - The End [Untold remix] (Unreleased)
33. ??? - ??? (unreleased)
34. Ikonika - Smuck (Unreleased)
35. Pearson Sound - Ex (Unreleased)
36. Geeneus - Knife and Gun [Blackdown and Dusk remix] (Keysound)
37. Joker and Rustie - Play Doe (Kapsize)
38. Peverelist - Esperanto (Unreleased)
39. TRG - Street Republic (Unreleased)
40. Grievous Angel vs. Missy Elliot - Lose Control [Garage mix] (Unreleased)

Not content with being a sick DJ and running a label that Ricardo Villalobos was recently heard calling ''my new Jesus'', Ben also co-runs a night that is huge in the linerforafiver game.

Reasons Why I'm Breaking Up With You, Chad Michael Murray

2008-12-09T12:12:00.000-08:00

- You came round my parents at Xmas last year, do you remember Chad Michael Murray? Not only did you flirt constantly with my Grandfather, but during a family game of Pictionary, you drew a 2cm long line and revealed that the answer was my penis.

- Speaking of! I KNOW you took my penis out for a gourmet meal while I was visiting my cousin in Cornwall, AND that you kissed it goodnight on the doorstep and then groped it on its vein. You thought I wouldn't find out, didn't you, Chad Micheal Murray?! Unfortunately for you me and my penis are (or WERE) so close, we're practically SISTERS. It tells me everything, except when it needs washing.

- You treat me like crap. This reached intolerable levels when you strained your sphincter muscles and I slid from the inside of your colon into the toilet bowl.

- Sometimes when we're hanging out at your place making love in the afternoon, I get this feeling that you're thinking of another human cum bucket that lets you urinate in their mouth until they almost drown. I can see it in the limp half-assed way you hold the funnel. Where'd the fuckin love go, Chad Michael Murray?

- All the boys thinks you're dreamy, but the only time you're actually dreamy is when you start floating around the pulsating vegetable and bone tower while pissing blood into my eyes from your twenty foot long fingers as I try to run away but find myself unable to move. This only happened once or twice, too. Some ''Dream'' you are!

- You think you're like the sexiest guy in the world just cos everytime you text me my groin collapses in on itself and I have to be stitched from the calves up by a team of surgeons. Or maybe it's because Durex keep ringing up asking if they can manufacture a vibrator in the shape of your eyelashes? Or maybe it's something to do with being voted ''most fuckable 2008'' by Nun and Priest Gazette? Or that you've slept with 600,000 girls. But you really ain't all that.

- You don't even wrap your hand in bubble wrap before you beat me around the face for not cooking your steak right anymore. Talk about an inconsiderate jerk!

- You try and make me look stupid in front of your friends. Like, just last week when I came round and all your friends were there playing Xbox and drinking beer, and you asked me what the capital of Paris was. Do I look like a geology teacher?

- Last tuesday, when we were doing it in the back seat of your cat, you called out another girl's name. Then she opened the car door and got in. It was just sooo obvious.

- The only thing we have in common is that we both like you fisting me. That isn't enough to sustain a loving relationship, Chad Michael Murray. Seriously, have you not even heard of Scouting for Girls?!

- All my girlfriends say you deserve a lot better.

Hitler Stiffed On The MDMA Pizza

2008-12-08T03:48:00.000-08:00

L to the O-L.

Letters to the Editor pt. 1

2008-12-03T11:41:00.000-08:00

I'm often asked what my readership is. To be honest, I have no idea. I only occasionally receive correspondence, and most of it is labelled ''Congratulations! You're the lucky winner of a holiday in the Seychelles!'' To be honest, I have always hoped for a somewhat less gracious and upbeat kind of reader, so you can only strain to imagine my happiness at receiving the following piece of ''Reader Mail'' from a Mr. ''I've planted something in your garden!!'' of ''the brief and bitter past''.

Please, if you have something like the following to contribute, don't hesitate to acquire my home address and send me it in a blood-flecked envelope.

Dear Madam or Dog,

Life seems to me to be a gauntlet through which I must dash, my trousers perpetually falling from my waist towards my scattering ankles. Other than when I am in seclusion, peeping from behind the snug folding of my house's curtains, I am constantly in the grip of a petrifying fear. This is the fear of making a fool of myself, of presenting myself to the cruel eyes of others as an object of scorn and disgust.

I have been known to deliberately burn myself in the summer sun, so as to render my entire body the colour of a blush. Sometimes I staple a couple of tea-towels to my forehead my head, so as to draw attention away from my shameful face. Once, when I sneezed on a public bus, I was so ashamed at my sudden nasal plumage that I was compelled to ball up the goo in my fist and hold it there, seeping, until I could find a sandwich to stuff it in.

I remember the first time I embarrassed myself – it was on the day of my birth. I have seen a video of my birthing and I shall tell you (though it pocks me with shame) now that I slid out of my mother in a horrible state: covered in blood, weeping and completely nude! I see how quickly the doctors clean me, wrap my genitals away in a towel and tell me to stop crying. I see the look of pain on my mother's face, as if she has squeezed out a jagged flint or stone and not a smooth baby boy.

Then too, there was when I was watching ''University Challenge'' with my parents. I was 3 at the time, and recently dis-balded. The quiz-master asked the students how the earth was first weighed, and I was suddenly squirming in the clasp of my ignorance and embarrassment. I lay on the carpet muttering to myself for, well, it must have been at least ten seconds, and I still couldn't think of the answer. My parents were silent, undoubtedly waiting for me to calmly come out with it. Out it did not come.

As it turned out, they took a diameter of its height and cubed it.

A long time ago, I sent away for a book that I saw advertised on the wall of an underpass I was crawling through. The book is called ''Flame That Shame!'' On the cover there is a man, closely shaven and tied and shirted, hanging a jacket over his shoulder and smiling all his teeth out. I looked at him agape. He looked so dynamic and graceful! So admirable! So worthy of emulation!

Cowering before him, I hastily stapled a tea towel to his forehead and wrote down the send-to address on my wrist with the edge of my tea-spoon. Several months pass before they install the chap with the lumpy neck behind the counter at the newsagents and I am able to buy an envelope and stamps without urinating.

The woman at my local post office is so beautiful that I fear her most terribly, more than I fear torture or a sudden death. I am only able to communicate with her through manipulating my penis into the shapes of letters with my trembling hands. But this only seems to compound my status as a misfit, and I am only able to spell out ''P.L.E.A.'' before the sirens begin to whine and I am forced to flee.

There are websites for people like me – the shy guys. One site that I frequent and pay some of my money to sends me secret-camera videos taken at cocktail parties and in offices. The music is awful – slap-bass pogoing amidst a traffic-jam of saxohphones – but I am drawn, shamefully, towards the pictures. They show people talking to each other, over pasta and nibblets, about the ''2p Tax'' and ''Cheryl Cole's status as a feminist icon''. They talk in a number of positions, each more socially intimate than the last, and even use props (mobile phones, napkins, olives and spectacles). It is abject stuff.

I hear they are made by caterers and maids, making a little money on the side, sewing micro-lenses into their nipple-ends and leaving a button off. I started on Facebook at first, innocent enough stuff. I set myself up on there as ''The 02 Arena'' and I now have over two hundred thousand friends. I pored over their photos for days and days, feeling a tremble slide down my stomach every time I came across a salacious snap of a man standing on a beach in the top-nude, or of a person standing in a night club smiling their face. The only trouble is that many of my friends keep messaging me to ask when ''Kanye West'' will be performing inside me.

Later I grew tired of the tamer stuff, and moved on to the sites I have described, and to other sites that I cannot bear, even here – face to screen, screen to face – to describe. Peek through the cracks of wooden clamour that I have nailed around this hades of my awkwardness and you shall see terrible things – a woman, on her knees and surrounded by swaggering men, smiling falsely as one by one they ask her where the ''Teach yourself Spanish'' books are kept. A dead-eyed nymphet, walking a slobbering dog into an outback building, therein ordering an orange juice and crisps from the hairy-armed barman. A handsome man, walking out in front of an audience of half-drugged, starry-eyed subjects, delivering with great gusto and spittle, a speech about the benefits of state ownership. A Justin Timberlake music video. A couple – and here I must force my heel-dragging fingers over the precipice of my destitution – sitting at a table together, stripping themselves of their overcoats and lipsing each other in front of the murmuring crowd and the indulgent smirk of the waiter.

Many times I have hobbled to the basin after watching such flickers and splashed icy water over my sweat flattened skin, trying to drown the daydreams and nightmares.

Well, I had to put a stop to all this. Imagine, I suddenly imagined yesterday, if my computer was to be found by a person, and it was discovered that I entertained thoughts of not being embarrassed? The shame of it! I have decided to destroy my computer after I have sent this missive. I am going to go down to the cliffs of Dover and push it, in a shopping trolley, over the edge into the sea. I fear that somebody will recognise me by my clothes, so I shall have to do it naked, wearing the type of top hat that I would never wear – the luminous green type. I hope this disposal does not itself result in some unforeseen embarrassment, though I'm sure there is no way of completely guarding myself against it. Life is a gauntlet, you see.

I fear death. Yes, I fear it. Do I fear getting to the gates of heaven and tripping over the outstretched legs of James Dean, landing face first in St. Peter's packed lunch? Or meeting Lady Diana and shaking her with Camilla on my lips? God will probably ask me who my favourite member of Take That is.

Or is it hell I fear? Heaven's chariot shall fly past every day, no doubt, and stop a hundred yards from me. I shall run for it, and it will begin to pull away just as I reach the apex of my sprint. I shall have to pretend to Hitler and Khan that I was jogging. But they'll see through that. There are no curtains in hell, cloth or otherwise.

No. It is not that I fear.

Rather, I fear that I will bleed on someone's new shirt. Or that I will rot for a while and get up the nose of a pretty girl somewhere. What if, when I am found in a few days by the landlord with my head in the oven, I have cooked myself for too long, and I am charred and tough? What if, when they find me in the noose, the knot has been tied rather badly and my shirt has lifted slightly, so that they can see my chubby belly swaying about like a bag of custard?

Oh, how I fear ridicule! I should like to disappear entirely, from thought and memory. That is why they will find me, eventually, painted completely red with a three-pronged plastic fork and horns stapled to my skull. How absurd it would look, after all, to find a corpse emblazoned on its face with a dying blush!

lots of love,

Nobby

p.p.s. You will join me in the silent sepulcher soon, you bloated worm!!

Scuba XLR8R8ER Podcast

2008-12-03T05:03:00.000-08:00

Go HERE to download a pissing marvellous mix by Scuba of some next-level depthness. To me this qualifies as genuinely 'deep' music insofar as half the time I don't really know what the fuck's going on (BUT I LIKES IT). I suppose some of this stuff is actually techno rather than dubstep, the borders are extremely blurry at points though.

Special mention must go to Mount Kimbie with the goODDness (see what I did thereness?) of 'Maybes' which is all clicky-beats, vocoder-esque vocals and mournfully sweet chords which sound somehow like a fairy's limp carcass being tossed down a lift shaft. Press release quote: ''IT'S A BIT LIKE WATCHING THE TELETUBBIES ON KETAMINE!!!!!>!">"!>''

01. Shackleton - The Rope Tightens (Badawi remix) (Skull Disco) 00:00
02. Scuba - From Within (Marcel Dettmann remix) (Hotflush) 03:28
03. Mount Kimbie - Maybes (forthcoming Hotflush) 07:34
04. Scuba - Bleach (forthcoming Scape) 10:51
05. Sigha - Expressions (forthcoming Hotflush) 14:58
06. Pangaea - Bear Witness (forthcoming Hotflush) 17:15
07. STP - The Fall (T++ remix) (Sub Solo) 21:21
08. Untold - Sweat (forthcoming Hotflush) 23:52
09. Scuba - Tense (forthcoming HOTSHORE002) 25:54
10. Scuba - Ruptured (Surgeon remix) (Hotflush) 29:33
11. Sigha - Bruised (forthcoming Hotflush) 32:44
12. Baby Ford + Eon - Dead Eye (Plus 8 ) 35:55
13. F - The Untitled Dub (forthcoming 7even) 38:12
14. Scuba - The Upside (Martyn's down mix) (Hotflush) 41:23
15. Toasty - The Knowledge (Untold remix) (forthcoming Hotflush) 44:47
16. Mount Kimbie - William (forthcoming Hotflush) 47:02

Somewhat relatedly, here's a flyer for the latest Berghain dubstep event which I'm going to end up missing because I've spent all my money on Roska tunes and strongbow. Don't make the same mistake I do every Friday though.

Blogging Is For Dweebz

2008-12-03T04:55:00.000-08:00

Continuing in the grand tradition of me nicking links off Dissensus and posting them up here, here is a recent Footloose show off 1xtra wot Fastus posted up originally. The picture above shows you how you should dance to these tunes, if you want to get gash with a perm that is. It's also a good way to dance if you want to simultaneously sing a top C or alternatively sterilise yourself manually so that you never have to have any whining little children who force you watch the Tweenies and make sure you can never go to another funky + champers session at Bar Rumba until 6 in the morning.

Footloose 25th November

Part 1 2.00-4.15

Cooly G – Love
Plague A Lero & Nitro – Inside Pushin Up Flowers
Donea’o – Party Hard (Zephron)
Addictive – My Love (Mr Bartley Prod) (2NV)
4Flava ft Ramsey – Gotta Get Away
Funky Family – Get Low
DJ Perempay & Dee ft Katie Pearl – In The Air (Bopstar’s Wonky Remix)
Marc Ambience ft J Melody – Funk Me
Donae’o – At First Sight
Cooly G – Dis Boy
Nu Sound Therapy – Hard Stepping (Karnival Music)
Natty – Bedroom Eyes (DJ NG Remix)
Footloose ft Courtney Dennie – So Dangerous (MIRaw)
DJ Q ft MC Bones – Back It Up (MIRaw)
Alesha Dixon – The Boy Does Nothing (Crazy Cousins Remix)
DMP vs Sadie Ama – Those Were The Days (Crazzi Cousins Remix) (Island)
Spoonface – Circus World (Faada)
Spoonface – Boogie Jam (Faada)
Roska – Gone To A Better Place
Roska – Bounce
Arms ft Courtney Dennie – One Look
Tawiah – Every Step (Arms Remix)
DVA & Serata – I’m Leaving (DJ MA1 Mix)
DJ MA1 ft Sim Simi – Give It Up (Original & M Sadler Mix) (Karnival Music)
Major Not£$ - Hooked On You (Lossol)
Major Not£$ – Viva La Revolution (Lossol)
Major Not£$ ft Mellody – Regular Lover (Lossol)
DJ Darkus ft May – Fingers All Up On Me (Rudimental)
Jook 10 ft 4 Fingaz – Feelin Lonely
Simbad ft Addictive – Now Iz Da Time
Paleface VS Sticky ft Sim Simi – Open Your Eyes (Northern Line)
Mr Roach – Total Confusion
Karizma – Twisted
Mario – Black President
Tier-Ra – Niehi – Now’s The Time (Mediatational Mix) (Ghost)

Part 2 - 4.15-6.00

Steve Angelo & Laidback Luke ft Robyn S – Show Me Love (Hed Kandi)
Geeneus – Piece Of Heaven (Jelly Jams)
Donae’o – African Warrior (Dub) (Zephron)
Todd Terry – Sunday Morning (Kenny Dope Mix) (Tony Records)
Marc Ambiance – Rain Dance
Kentphonik – Sunday Showers (Stalwart)
Crazy Cousinz – Inflation
Suges – We Belong To The Night
Afefe Iku ft Oveous Maximus – Mirror Dance (Yoruba)
DJ Perempay & Dee – Hypnotic
Geeneus – As I (Dub)
G Fam ft Princess – Frontline (Dub)
DJ Spen – Gabrielle (Fatty Remix)
S.I.A – LittleMan (DJ Q Remix)
Lloyd – All Around The World (I’ll Blu Remix)
DJ Naughty – Trouble’s Back
TS7 ft Teresa - End With Goodnight
Reyco Narx ft Shean Williams – Show Me
NB Funky – Riddim Box
Grant Nelson – Phantasm (Nice n Ripe)
Kenny Dope ft James Rouse – Money For Love
DJ Spinna & Ovasoul – You Should Be Loving Me (Wonderwax)
Demah – Up & Running
Babyface Jay – Power Of Music (No Face)

God Taunting Me Again # 4

2008-12-03T04:49:00.000-08:00

This is even more blatant than that time he sent me the wrong way to a mate's house and I ended up stuck in a generic cul-de-sac.

S.A.D. - What Is It and Do I Have It?

2008-12-02T12:06:00.000-08:00

Are you worried that you might be suffering from S.A.D.? Are you worried about anything at all? If so, you might be suffering from S.A.D., which is a depressing thought. Almost as depressing as those bloody grey clouds and that bitter wind that's tossing a damp jumper on your clothes-line up and round and about in an endless and meaningless tumult which only looks like a hollow parody of anger or excitement.

Isn't it funny how the sky seems to speak to us of our existence, like a loftily suspended HDBlu/Gray screen? On bright days the sky seems as huge and rich as our lives and love. On overcast days we appear to be confronted by the almost unbroken dreariness and indifferent pallor of our lives, the manner in which we shamble around our little rat-run world, hopelessly blinded to our imprisonment by either utter thoughtlessness, thoughts directed towards things like interest rates and how much we'd like to see Simon Cowell slip on a supermodel-dipped condom and break his spine falling down a large set of marble steps, or by our insolent and insoluble interest in ourselves.

No, it isn't funny at all. The sky isn't speaking to anyone. If anything, it's floating – like a big invisible poo in a puddle of infinite piss.

Do sentiments such as the above leave you feeling in any sense disturbed, angered or deflated? Well, then, you are definitely suffering from S.A.D. Just in case you aren't quite convinced of the crushing weight of the mental malaise you live under yet, I've compiled a helpful (and hurtful!) list of typical symptoms the typical S.A.D.-afflicted person might expect to suffer in the long cold months of October, November, December, January, February, March, April, May and most of June, July, August and September (as well you would expect them to, the pathetic mewling worms).

SYMPTOMS

When watching Strictly Come Dancing, the usual urge to find a conveniently available stranger that can be beaten around the face with your shivering fist until their bones are jutting from their sloppy cheek-tissue like the red-rib-rack of a raw steak is sharply overtaken by a much more powerful and pleasant desire to hang yourself from the ceiling until your neck swells up and reddens like a cow's lumpen heart.

You have recently abandoned plans to become Abingdon's number one UK funky and bassline house DJ and now find yourself playing bass guitar in a band called Simple Simon who sing about yearning and regret in reassuringly obscure terms and all wear Gap jumpers, even when having sex.

Where once the folds of your curtains looked to you like snug orifices signifying the richly pored skin of a fecund Mother Earth, now they probably have asbestos in them or something.

Rain feels wetter.

Individual parts of your body, including your elbows and nostril hair, feel shagged out.

When you get out of bed in the evening, you are depressed to find that its dark outside already. You are also depressed to find that you've missed Paul O Grady's latest show. Following this, you realise that you are depressed that you've missed Paul O Grady's latest show, and remember that you have a big essay to do on the Stoics and Epicureans, which is a bit sour.

The acronym ''S.A'.D'' appears to spell ''Sad'' to you.

Earlier on in the year you were sat out in the garden with some soulful 2-step playing on the stereo, reading a magazine, cradling a sweet dry cigarette in your lips and contemplating going down the park in a few hours to play volleyball with the female cast of Hollyoaks. Now you're sat in the toilet, listening to your bowels lurch in their casing like a starving pig against the wooden bars of its village cage, gnawing at the sores on your dry purple lip. A moment ago you saw that woman from the Antiques Roadshow floating through the drizzle outside, and you stood up to wave to her, and one of your balls protruded forward, as blotchy red as your cheeks soon became.

When you make a snowball you try to throw it but then are frozen by its similarity to the tumour that is probably going to appear in your testicles when you're in your early thirties.

You find yourself staring, absent-mindedly, out of windows at the endless white swathes of sky atop a thousand stilts of shivering water, and when you look down five minutes later your wrist has mysteriously fallen to bits all over the sink.

Even after you put on six layers of fleece lined winter clothing, you still feel a cold sweat erupting across your sallow skin. You strongly suspect that this is a spiritual sensation, resulting from you being completely alone and helpless in a universe which, if it isn't Godless, expresses only the tangled pandemonium of a ruined consciousness which is, nevertheless, at least an infinite number of times more organised and significant than your own little pea brain.

Whenever you murder a child in the woods, you are compelled to dig through extremely hard and sometimes snow-covered ground in order to bury it afterwards. It is also markedly less satisfying strangling prostitutes when you're wearing thick gloves.

The view from your window once encompassed miles and miles of achingly beautiful and tantalisingly distant countryside. Now you can just about make out someone in an upstairs room watching Deal or No Deal on a High Definition TV that is better than any that you could ever afford.

The Christmas TV schedules, which would have inspired wonder and thankfulness if they had been pushed forward to July now somehow seem to be bloody awful.
Those gold rimmed sunglasses you bought in June are now miraculously both useless and absurd. The same goes for the pink and lime green bermuda shorts you bought in August, and the twenty two boxes of Soleros.

You used to be the only person on your street who lived in complete darkness with all your curtains closed 24 hours a day. Now everyone is doing it, and you don't feel so special.

The Burial album no longer sounds almost completely boring.

Despite ingesting several grammes of the serotonin-splurging wonder-drug MDMA over the weekend, you now feel a bit glum.

Whenever you have to stagger from your bedroom to the toilet with your boxer shorts around your ankles, smudges of grey gutcum slithering down your thighs like slugs catapulted into a brick wall, a dim physiological reflection of the waste and self-abasement your meaningless and contemptuous life has turned out to be, there's a bloody draft blowing up the stairs and you go pimply like a grotesque slab of axe smacked chicken.

CURE

Start a blog, you poor bastard.

The Daily Brainteaser Part 1

2008-11-26T06:40:00.000-08:00

Over the next this post, I'll be posing all my loyal readers (who are technically lower on society's scale of respectability than people who popped up on that BNP list with ''Keane'' written under 'Favourite Band') some tricksy braintwizzlers which will all revolve around my personal preferences, as expressed through the medium of this fucking awful blog.

Starting with an easy one today, simply look at the word jumble below and try and find three things that I'm a fan of! (There are a couple of things in there that I think are shit so be careful!)

N	U	S	K	O	O	L	B	R	E
A	K	Z	N	U	S	K	O	O	L
B	R	E	A	K	S	N	U	S	K
O	O	D	U	B	S	T	E	P	L
B	R	E	A	K	Z	N	U	S	K
O	F	O	L	B	R	E	A	K	Z
N	U	S	K	O	O	L	B	R	E
A	N	K	Z	N	U	S	K	O	O
L	K	C	I	T	S	I	D	A	S
B	Y	R	E	A	K	N	R	O	P

Tomorrow: ''What is an anagram of ''Nasty Marcus''''? or something...

belch

2008-11-24T07:26:00.000-08:00

First up, Pinch has done a mix to celebrate the first birthday of Rob Booth's humonghuge Electronic Explorations series. Loads of Pinch dubplates. Need I type more? I could do, but I'd probably end up writing the words 'dystopian post-humanoid neuro-sonic-architectautologlogical cerebrashards' or something, which would be unfair.

Right click and save HERE for the mix. For more info go to the EE website, linked just ^ up there.

[01] - DZ - Just Rollin (Akira Kiteshi Remix) - [Forthcoming ‘Black Acre’]
[02] - Jus Wan - Affletic - [Forthcoming ‘Applepips’]
[03] - Planas - Zulu - [Forthcoming ‘Ranking Records’]
[04] - Reso - If Ya Can’t Beat Em - [Forthcoming ‘Civil Music’]
[05] - Ben Sharpa - Hegemony - [Jarring Effects]
[06] - 16bit - In The Death Car - [Forthcoming ‘Boka Records’]
[07] - Enormous O’clock - Disparity - [Ai Records]
[08] - Millie & Andrea - Black Hammer - [Daphne]
[09] - Gunjack - Bruckshut’s Revenge - [Unsigned]
[10] - Kid606 - Die Soundboy Die - [Tigerbeat6]
[11] - Indigo - Ignite - [Forthcoming ‘Surface Tension Recordings’]
[12] - HxdB - Sedation Nation - [Forthcoming ‘Surface Tension Recordings’]

Pinch (Owner of ‘Tectonic Records’) In The Mix — EE.ORG 1st Anniversary Mix

01 - Pinch & Pavel Ambiont - Poison Antedote - [Dubplate]
02 - Pinch - E.Motive - [Planet Mu]
03 - Pinch - Attack Of the Giant Robot Spiders - [Dubplate]
04 - 30Hz - Mutate(d) (Pinch Rework) - [Lot 49]
05 - Pinch - Chamber Dub - [Soul Jazz]
06 - Deleted Scenes - Terminate - [Dubplate]
07 - Pinch - Midnight Oil - [Tectonic]
08 - Peverelist - The Blues - [Dubplate]
09 - Pinch & Peverelist - Revival - [Dubplate]
10 - Distance - V (Pinch Remix) - [Dubplate]
11 - Pinch - Joyride - [Tectonic]

[13] - Mount Kimbie - Maybes - [Forthcoming ‘Hotflush Recordings’]
[14] - Octa Push - Ai Nadia - [Dub]

Second up, the illustrious DJ Zinc is apparently DJing fidget house nowadays instead of DNB, and THIS mix showcases some of the stuff he now plays. I haven't got a tracklist and I haven't a clue what it might be, since I know fuck all about fidget house. I've always found this kind of music a bit too maniacally upbeat and self-consciously 'banging', but what with recently getting a bit sick of 'deep' music which seems to make up for in tastefulness what it lacks in energy, I'm actually finding this sort of inflatable mallet music quite refreshing.

Lastly (Subliminal Download This Hard House Banton Mix Message To Be Placed Here and Whited Out Later), on Sub FM the other night Hessle Honcho Ben UFO and Night Slugs uhhh Nice-Up Sultan Alex Bok Bok went back to back and played 2 hours of pretty much everything good (funky, niche, grime, garage, dubstep etc.) I posted up their previous b2b on here a while ago but I think this one is even better. Click HERE for the mix.

1. Theo Parrish - Took Me All The Way Back
2. Luciano - Mousa Big Band
3. The Martinez Brothers - My Rendition
4. Roska - Feline
5. Zander VT - Get Up
6. Rod Lee - Let Me See
7. DJ Mystery - Changes
8. L-Vis 1990 - Flux
9. Marcel Dettman - Shatter Proof
10. D Malice - My Joy
11. Christian Martin - Elephant Fight
12. X5 Dubs - I Wish
13. Radioslave - Tantakatan [Shed mix]
14. DJ Tameil - Body
15. Hard House Banton - Sirens
16. Lighter - Skanker
17. Sticky and Viper - I'm On The Mic
18. Artwork - Basic G
19. Lil Silva - Funky Flex
20. Roska - Our Father
21. James Lavonz - Feel My Dreams
22. Leee John - Mind, Body and Soul [MJ Cole mix]
23. Tubby - Slush
24. Bigshot - Stomp VIP
25. Rustie - Tempered
26. Trim and Scratch - Trim and Scratch
27. Scratchy - Shangooli (Geeneus remix)
28. Tasty Grits Production - Chase Rhythm
29. Distance - Repercussions
30. Milanese - The End [Untold remix]
31. Drop The Lime - Hear Me [Buraka Som Sistema remix]
32. D Malice - Gabryelle refix
33. Skream - The Bug
34. Silkie and Harry Craze - Favela
35. Rebound X - Mystery
36. Wizzbit - Emerald City
37. D1 - BG
38. Pearson Sound - Ex
39. D.O.K. - Royal Flush
40. Pantha - Damn Thing
41. TRG - Broken Heart [Martyn remix]
42. TRC vs Addictive - Right There
43. Silverlink feat. Jammer and Badness - The Message Is Love [Starkey remix]
44. J-Sweet - Gutter (Alias Remix)
45. Scuba - Tense
46. Octa Push - Ai Naida
47. Brackles - Lizards

# chin - check follows #

Eclecticism can seem tokenistic and shallow (''look at me, I'm playing Night AND Hearbroken!''), but when DJs with real knowledge and love for the music they play do it it can have a completely different effect on the listener: instead of being comfortably reminded of the greatest hits from different genres, you're encouraged instead to make connections between pieces of music you might never have linked, and to see familiar tunes in a different light. So, for example, a 'deeper' dubstep tune, when mixed into a grime or funky or house tune, almost becomes a different tune to that which it is in a set entirely consisting of deep dubstep.

Anyway, it isn't as if this set was an intellectual excercise or nuffin' - it was as 'banging', in its own way, as the most bait crammed Scratch Poiverts set (who to be fair are pretty fucking good at that kind of set). If anything, a set like this seems to discourage the usual genre'n'scene related chin-stroking by taking tunes partially out of their convention/anti-convention ridden scenes and encouraging the listener to see them as individual pieces of music (though ironically often also reminding you, in the process, of what you really love about certain genres).

I notice now that there's a definite theme going on in this post which I never intended to give to it... but this is what I've been thinking about recently, in an effort to distract myself from the global financial crisis, the crisp darkness that flickers at the core of every human soul and from not having enough money to buy the D Malice EP.

P.P.S.: here's something good by Masters at Work.

Bizmarc Gorillacopter Mix

2008-11-17T04:28:00.000-08:00

[Original photo removed due to copywrite violation. I can confirm that the above is a photo that belongs to me. Just don't ask me how. Hopefully I can get the other picture back somehow, because that one resembles my dreams more than my nightmares.]

People in gorilla suits are funny, no matter what they're doing. You could probably get a laugh punching a child in the face if you did it in a gorilla suit. This holds true even if the child was the one in the gorilla suit, or if you both were in gorilla suits. It's ''random'', innit, seeing a Gorilla punching a child? A bit like it was ''random'' seeing those planes fly into those tower blocks a while ago. Would that still have been tragic, though, if the emergency services had arrived at the site dressed as monkeys, and plastered wounds up with banana skin? And what about if the Hindenburg had made a noise like a big fart when it was descending, aflame, into the stone-eyed ground? Would we have wept if New Orleans had been flooded with custard? EH?

Right, that counts as an intro. This is a mix by Bizmarc of Futureproof, which throws together techno, house and funky. At the start you'll be stroking your chin but by the time 'Sirens' barges its way in you'll be stroking your goolies. Track 10, 11 and 12 I've never heard before and they are all big. Funky and techno are an odd mix - they seem to have different priorities in terms of energy vs. sophistication - but they definitely work together in this mix. Download it ( HERE ).

[ Go HERE to leave feedback cos I can't make comments work on here. Bizmarc/Futureproof/Corpsey would like to disassociate themselves from any offensive remarks made in connection to this mix about two paragraphs ago.]

1. Voltaic – Breed (Point.One)
2. Voltaic - Fin [Letroset's Remix] (Point.One)
3. Petter – Untight (Border Community)
4. Jeff Samuel – Fire (Poker Flat)
5. Hard House Banton – Siren (Spoilt Rotten Entertainment)
6. Dusty Kid – Psika (Boxer Recordings)
7. DJ Mujava – Township Funk (This Is Music)
8. Roska – Elevated Level (White)
9. Apple – Siegalizer (White)
10. Bakongo – Baga (Roska Kicks & Snares)
11. Misc. - Chemosphere [Headhunter Remix] (Lost Souls)
12. Andy Stott – Hostile (Modern Love)
13. Hard House Banton – Reign (Spoilt Rotten Entertainment)
14. Zander VT – After the Crash (BPitch Control)
15. Appleblim & Peverelist - Over Here [Brendon Moeller Remix] (Applepips)
16. DJ NG Feat. Katy B & MC Versatile - Tell Me [Geeneus Remix] (Data)
17. Claude VonStroke – Who’s Afraid of Detroit (Dirtybird)
18. Pendle Coven – Brick Tutor (Modern Love)

Tea Leaf Dancers Fan-Video

2008-11-12T04:06:00.000-08:00

This isn't official I don't think but it must have some sort of money behind it... anyway, it fits the tune quite well I reckon.

If It Ain't Broke...

2008-11-11T13:15:00.000-08:00

Look at that girl on the left of Loefah - she's fallen in love with his back. Either that, or he has this picture on the back of his oversized novelty slogan shirt:

... I'm not saying she's dumb, by the way. Look at him. I want to Rohypnol his eyebrows and put them in the back of a taxi.

Anyway, here's a mix by Loefah which I've just been listening to and is good, despite every tune on there being one you've heard about fifty times before. It's mostly the same reliable names behind these tunes, and I wonder now if all this talk of wobble vs. deep blah blah blah is really just a smokescreen to distract us from the fact that there's only about 10 really sick producers in dubstep and most of them were there from the start.

Click HERE for the mix (out to Tomity and 10 Bag for the assist)

Incomplete setlist:

1. Skream - ?
2. Benga -
3. Benga - Out of Phaze
4. Benga -
5. Headhunter -
6. Benga - The Cut
7. Skream - Make Me
8. Loefah - Jus a beat (probably not still called this though)
9. Cotti - I Don't Give a Dub
10. Coki - Untitled
11. Coki - Spongebob
12. The Bug - Poison Dart (DJ Baku Megamix)
13. The Bug - Skeng
14. Skream - Chestboxing
15. Jakes - 3kout
16. The Bug - Jah War (Loefah Remix)
17. Kromestar - Marz Attack
18. Quest - Deep Inside
19. Silkie - Hooby
20. Quest - Seafront
21. Mala - Miracles
22. Mala - Lean Fwd
23. Mala - Dun Stinky
24. Mala - City Cycle
25. Mala? -
26. Mala - Suddenly?
27. Mala - Livin Different
28. Mala - Jah Power
29. Mala - Learn
30. Mala - Shake Out Ya Demons
31. Cotti & Doctor - Calm Down
32. Coki - All Of A Sudden
33. Benga - Crunked Up
34. Benga - Flame

SHAZAM!

2008-11-07T06:23:00.001-08:00

Just a quick announcement for all my millions of devoted fans and fantasists - on Sunday the 22nd of November, those Americans and satellite dish owners amongst you lot can tune in at 9.00am EST to HBO for my inaugural HBO hour, '(untitled)'. The show will announce me on the world stage as the new David Copperfield, and the post-modern David Blaine. The following unbelievable illusions/actions will be performed to the amazement and hoped-for sexual arousal of a captive audience of disgruntled house-wives and the terminally stoned.

SAWING A WOMAN IN ONE - In which I will place my beautiful assistant, Kerry Katona, in a pine box and rub a hand-saw flatly against every side of said box while smoke is pumped out of nozzles into the audience members eyes. When the smoke clears, I will release Kerry from the box and she will emerge (hopefully) in one biologically functioning piece. To prove that this is not a mere illusion, she will - in front of your incredulous face-balls - eat an entire apple, stamp her feet for twenty seconds and will read and fail to understand one word of a page of Jacques Derrida's 'Writing and Difference'.

PULLING A HAT OUT OF A RABBIT - In which I will take a dead and suspiciously porcine rabbit from an Asda bag full of leaves, place it on a table, scatter a handful of glitter over it, henceafter stick a big knife in the pile and jerk it around until it starts cutting the table in two, and finally will pull a REAL Nike air baseball cap from its guts. This, though we know that a rabbit would never eat an entire cap! To prove that the hat is real, my beautiful assistant, Kerry Katona, will put it on her head and nod thirty two times.

THE BIRD-LIKE FLIGHT OF MAN FROM STAGE TO FLOOR - In which I channel the spirit of the Eagle by french-kissing a falcon while staring into its eyes, before running straight towards the edge of the stage and leaping several feet INTO THE AIR! Yes, you will not believe your brains as you witness the great magician appear to float through thin air without being connected by any of his body parts to the floor! To prove that I have not got any wires attached to my back, my beautiful assistant Kerry Katona will strip me naked before the trick and slice off three inches of my back, buttocks, thighs and calf muscles with the magical Cheese Grater of Papua New Guinea.

THE MAGICAL BALL-VANISHING-DOWN-THROAT ACT- I will start this act by revealing a washing-basket with 600 red-felt balls in it, and then will proceed to amaze and astound by making every one of the 600 balls disappear (temporarily). Simply by waving each ball in front of my mouth, I will be able to dematerialise each one for up to three seconds before the cosmic forces begin wrathfully farting up my nose, causing me to be violently sick 600 times. To prove that the vomit is real my beautiful assistant Kerry Katona will Klinsmann dive into it and start paddling around in it like an amused child in candy floss.

Finally...

I WILL MAKE THE AUDIENCE'S INTEREST DISAPPEAR INTO THIN AIR! Simply by spending the last thirty five minutes of the special sitting with an implacable expression of utter banality plastered across my face, occasionally picking my nose and examining the snot without joy or derision. With ten minutes to go, I will cough twice, deceiving those few remaining viewers into believing that I am about to vomit. However, I will not vomit, but will simply cover my mouth with my eyes slightly widened, before letting my hand drop back to my lap. The camera will, at this point, zoom in on my almost-twiddling thumbs, and will began to transmit this action at approximately 1 frame per hour.

Muso Stuff vol 321

2008-11-07T04:58:00.000-08:00

YES.

Next -

Go HERE to listen to Jamie Vex'd's lurching monster of a Scuba RMX immediately. This is such old news that its coming out soon, but if you don't know now you know. The other tunes on there are big too.

Click HERE for the last hour and 25 mins of Marcus Nasty's latest Rinse show (big up fokse vektaire xeven off Dissensus for the rip... sorry if I've misspelled your name on three hundred seperate occasions in that one attempt). By now you should know that every Marcus set you can get your hands on is a good Marcus set you can get your hands on. I was gutted to miss Marcus apparently repeatedly underlining what his DJ name is to a FWD crowd last Sunday.

Funky is definitely the best thing around at the moment that you can't butter and then put scrambled eggs and cheese on. I'm making some funky tunes myself now on Reason, so expect never to hear them unless you steal the girl of my day-dreams and I end up torturing you to death with a straight razor and appropriate soundtrack.

In Dubstep ''NEWS''

Look below for the lineup for what is sure to be one of the best FWD's of the year, in what has been an increasingly good year for the night. D1's forthcoming EP on Tempa is the tits, especially Oingy Boingy. I've really slept on D1 over the years, I promise I will do better next time though.

I went to the Leeds 237 thing last weekend where Appleblim/Distance/RSD/T++/Pole etc. were playing. I wanted to write a big pretentious thing here about the fusion of techno/dubstep and inner/outer space and ketamine vs. javascript, who will survive? but to be honest I was sabotaged by Dragon Stout and I can't remember anything wot happened really. I'm pretty sure RSD smashed it, tho...

Notably, I was reminded that although 'deep' dubstep and techno are usually seen as very po-faced nerdy forms of music for looking pompous too, actually most of the time even the most reverb-drenched tunes are being made to make people who have drunk a lot of cider dance around like twats. We're all out to dance like twats, we just come at it from different angles.

Oh, and that Luke Envoy 'So' tune is coming out soon on Tempa's All Stars Vol. 5, which is pretty much all round solid.

Pets That Look Like Their Owners Vol. 1

2008-11-07T04:36:00.000-08:00

No wonder he's smiling! I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall at the pound when he found this happy little fella! He musta been like - ''OH MY GOD, JINX!!!'' ROFL!!!

A lot of people slag off rappers for being immoral and lacking in compassion, but at least Master P doesn't keep HIS dog in a fucking handbag like Paris Hilton! He even gave the little terrier a pair of shades to protect his widdle eyeses! Awwww!

Seriously, though, it does look a lot like him.

Jesus! Even if you took away the novelty shorts and shoulder pads this would still be like looking at a pair of identical twins!

[N.B: Don't call the RSPCA just yet! It's important when you have a pet cat to teach it as early as possible that weeing on the carpet is WRONG, no matter how identical in appearance it is to you.]

WTF?!?!

I can't really think what the fuck a rabbit is going to be able to say into a microphone. Maybe it's a ventriloquist jig - the owner says something like ''I wih eh'd gih meh a bih meh fuhin LEHUH!'' and everyone starts pissing themselves. Although really, the fact that he looks exactly the same as his rabbit should be enough.

You can see what the wheeze is! That stick insect looks EXACTLY like him. It's like looking at a mirror-image version of you that eats leaves or something! Spooky!

Where the fuck did she find a cat that tall?!?!

Funky Sets On You-Tube

2008-11-03T13:54:00.000-08:00

Biggup someone else for alerting me to these interviews/mixes with

Lil Silva

Roska

and Marcus Nasty

Jonny L - Hurt You So

2008-10-27T14:51:00.000-07:00

I dunno if anyone actually reads this blog but I realise that at the moment its just a dribbling half-turned-off tap of a thing that occasionally births the pattering feet of a youtube link you could/should have found yourself. So essentially I'm keeping up my standards. Hopefully soon I'm going to do some zeitgeist defining posts about how I really love shit programs like Hollyoaks and Charlie Boorman Goes Round The World in A Hamper With A Cork Up His Nostril, and the subtle and creeping ways in which I become accostomed to crap, and how this relates to the complete political and cultural apathy of our time and the essential futility of it all (but especially the part of 'it all' which constitutes Scouting For Girls)... or I might do one where I rant about how much I hate dubstep through the medium of blindly bigging up funky.

This will do for now, though. This tune is fucking great - a hybrid of acid house bleeps, hardcore breakbeats, a killer stilton vocal line, a dub bassline etc...

Actually while I'm here I'll post a few more obvious but obviously great old skool ANFUMS.

Bizarre Inc. - Playing With Knives (the opening chords of this are better than anything I could ever make on Reason, even if I had 6000 years to come up with something and my brain was fused with Mozart's and Photek's)

LFO - LFO - I've already gone on about LFO elsewhere a bit. Everyone needs 'Frequencies' in their life, full stop.

Thank Fuck For Internet Radio Vol. 23

2008-10-10T10:10:00.000-07:00

Firstly, new Blackdown/Dusk on Rinse

We've been through all this before, but special mention must go to A: Now That's What I Call Ragga-Grime anthem featuring Badness, Flowdan, Killa P AND Riko (I think it's about guns or something) B: Skream's 2005 style dubstep tune, which just goes to show that I'm happy to swallow any number of formulaic tunes, so long as I LIKE the formula C: Pinch's tune, which is just fucking great D: The tune that follows Pinch's tune, which makes me want to bounce like I was auditioning for the front cover of NUTS magazine and E: Shortstuff getting a tune played, and it being, like, totally excellent...

Click HERE, dummy.

Dusk + Blackdown on Rinse Oct 08

Wookie "Far East" (Manchu)
Ms Dynamite "Boo" (FFRR/Social Circles)
Sunship "Cheque One-Two" (Filter)
El-B and Nude "Reality" (Shelflife)
Hotboys "Hotboys (vocal)" (Hotboys)

Zomby "Helter Skelter" (unreleased)
Asher D "MO pt2 ft Durrty Goodz and Sway" (unreleased)
Gemmy "Johnny 5 0" (unreleased)
Joker "Do it" (unreleased)
Zomby "Notes From the Underground" (unreleased)
Starkey "Gutter Music VIP (demo)" (unreleased)

Scratcha DVA "Bullet A Go Fly ft Badness, Riko, Flowdan and Killa P" (unreleased)
Joker "Solid State" (unreleased)
Guido "Beautiful Complication remix" (unreleased)
Blackdown "deFocused" (dubplate)
Shortstuff "Regression" (unreleased)
Jtreole "The Loot [Sully rmx]" (unreleased)
Sully "Reminder" (unreleased)
Ramadanman "Dayride" (Soul Jazz unreleased)
Skream "Memories of 3rd Base (Eyes Down)" (unreleased)

Pinch "Midnight Oil" (unreleased)
Unknown "unknown" (unreleased)
Grevious Angel "Move Down Low (funky remix)" (unreleased)
Wiley v Heatwave "Wearing my Rolex refix" (unreleased)
Kontext "Plumes (Ramadanman remix)" (unreleased)
Dot Rotten "Talking the Hardest" (unreleased)
Geeneus "Knife and Gun ft Riko, Wiley and Breeze (Blackdown remix)" (Keysound dubplate)

Secondly

This is Alex Bok Bok (of Lower End Spasm) b2b Ben UFO (has nice hair) on Sub FM. Right click and save and then bask in the glory of every genre around the 130-140bpm mark getting flung together like flaps in an orgy.

1. STEVE GURLEY - Hotboys dub
2. DONAEO - Devil In A Blue Dress instrumental
3. DJ NAUGHTY - Quicktime
4. ROSKA - Pyramids
5. A MADE UP SOUND - Next
6. CASSY - Poem
7. SMD - Hustler (SHACKLETON remix)
8. DJ MYSTERY - Changes
9. THOMAS MELCHIOR - Choir
10. SUTEKH & ALVA NOTO - Deuterotype
11. MARTIN LANDSKY - Man High
12. JAZMINE SULLIVAN - Need U Bad (CRAZY COUZINS remix)
13. JOEY BELTRAM - Instant
14. MADIE MYLES - I've Been Waiting (DEM 2 mix)
15. PAUL JOHNSON - She Got Me On (TODD EDWARDS Club mix)
16. HARD HOUSE BANTON - Sirens
17. ZED BIAS - In Your Mind
18. FUZZY LOGIK - Twiss
19. OCTO PUSH - Laika Likes It
20. DOT ROTTEN - What remix
21. GHOST - Shorty (Conga mix)
22. SlLAUGHTER MOB - Thriller Funk
23. DUBCHILD - New Era
24. EGYPTRIXX - Use Magic To Kill Death
25. BIG E-D - Grimey remix
26. PRESSURE - Money Honey feat. Warrior Queen
27. D1 - I Believe
28. MATT SHADETEK - Craziest Riddim remix
29. ORIS JAY - Confused?
30. TOASTY - One Life
31. SKEPTA - Tingles
32. SCREAMA - Taurus refix
33. PATTY BLINGH - Brother
34. GRIEVOUS ANGEL - What We Had
35. STARKEY - Escape
36. BASSBOY - Bass Power
37. TERROR DANJAH - Sneak Attack
38. GRAIN - Untitled
39. D MALICE - Gabryelle Refix
40. BOY 8 BIT - Suspense Is Killing Me (DROP THE LIME remix)
41. SKREAM - Affeks
42. 2 AS 1 - We Got Luv (El-B dub)
43. TINIE TEMPAH - Tears ft Cleo Soul (BURGABOY remix)
44. DOT ROTTEN - Oxygen
45. PANGEA - Router (Forthcoming Hessle Audio)
46. MALA - Learn
47. SLAUGHTER MOB - Amore
48. GEENEUS - Thunder
49. 2ND II NONE - Bulldozer
50. DRU HILL - How Deep Is Your Love (GROOVE CHRONICLES remix)
51. TRC - Hush Baby
52. BOK BOK - No Need To Front '08
53. DARKSTAR - Need You
54. MAXIM - Scheming (ZED BIAS relick)

I Love To Write My Blog Posts When I'm Thouuuughtful

2008-10-10T09:44:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: It's been a while since my last stream of ponderous + inchoate bullshit regarding music (see Generation Bass post) and I'd just like to say that I didn't write any of this. Prince Philip did, after he cut the brakes on the Mercedes... also, if I DID write it I didn't plan to, and forgot all about it while I was doing it. So blaming me for this is a bit like blaming somebody for blacking out and murdering their family with a hammer. Fundamentally wrong.

Funky isn't having the same effect on me that dubstep did when I first heard it. When I first got into dubstep (after the rote “this is really slow and boring” feeling that all ex-DNB heads must go through) I was constantly taken aback by tunes – ''what the fuck is this?'' was a regular response, and the generalised response to the genre was one of scarcely reluctant ascent. Having got into DNB through its somewhat diluted and conventionalised modern form, and then latterly having discovered the musical heights of 90s jungle (from rough and rugged 93 post-hardcore to 96 'intelligent' proto-DNB: Photek, Source Direct – all that highly sculptured but still unstable, slightly nebulous jungle – i.e. 'Black Rose' by Hokusai), I felt like I was discovering the ''Jungle of the KEANE/SEPTEMBER11ATTACKS/REALITYTV GENERATION!!!''. Of course it wasn't really that, but I did at least manage to catch it at the tail end of what I take to be its most exciting and powerful stage.

As much as I love the original 2-step dubstep stuff (not to mention garage itself), as I wrote in a previous post about Youngsta on Rinse in 2005, the era dominated by Loefah, Skream, Benga the Mystikz and D1 still seems to me to be the time when dubstep really WAS dubstep (which is probably something to do with the fact that I got into it at that time). Paradoxically, of course, while the notion of dubstep was powerful during that time, a large part of the genres appeal was its versatility – you felt like you never really knew what was coming, or how a producer was going to use the standard sub-bass at 140 formula.

Nowadays, although there is still a lot of versatility within dubstep, the most interesting stuff usually sounds like some other kind of music filtered through dubstep – techno, garage, reggae, house... It seems like dubstep's become a useful 140bpm tool for the fusing of all these old and disparate genres together with one tempo. Which is good. But the most obviously dubstep sounding dubstep now is- lamentably -rigid mid-range aggro stuff, which actually sounds like slowed down buzz-saw DNB (which is what people who were into DNB but hated dubstep used to – inaccurately - say dubstep sounded like... those same people who now ironically love dubstep which DOES sound like slowed down DNB... LOLZER). Which means that it doesn't sound THAT much like dubstep really, and that the definition of 'dubstep' has altered, perhaps irretrievably.

Funky's got a similar thing going on in it to Dubstep circa 2005/6 at the moment – it's got a very definite sound to it (and I'm talking here about the syncopated b2b rude stuff that Marcus Nasty always plays), but you never really feel that you know what's coming up next. It's got that recognisable rhythm (4X4 kick, shuffley percussion...), and certain textures/instruments reoccur quite a lot (dirty strings, synth-brass instruments etc.), but people are fucking around with that template in very different ways. The 'what the fuck is this?' factor is definitely in effect.

This effect is heightened considerably by the fact that I a) don't know what any of the tunes are called b) have never been raving to it (and, given that raves seem to be shirts-and-shoes affairs taking place in clubs that I probably won't end up going to) and c) don't know anybody at all within the funky community. The internet has obviously made everything (perhaps too) accessible – if that wasn't the case it's unlikely that I'd have been able to get into dubstep as much as I have – but I still feel distant from funky.

I don't really care, though – part of funky's raw energy and unpretentious strength probably comes from it being an urban London thing, so-far largely uncontaminated by neuro-funk nerdlingers (as seems to have been the case with jungle, garage and of course grime) and (urgh i've just been sick in a stolen traffic cone, dressed as Old Gregg) STUDENTS... people like ME, in other words. People like ME KILL genres. Just look what I singlehandedly did to Europop and Electroclash.

[ALSO I get to feel like I'm at last discovering something alien and new on a crackly old FM radio while sitting in a car on the outskirts of London, just like how other people used to walk 20 miles a day with a jug of water on their heads just to tune into three minutes of a Slew Dem show on Rinse, which they couldn't hear properly because the jug had sunk three inches into their ear lobe... When in fact I'm hearing it in my chocolate-cake and teddy bear-stuffed bedroom in sunny/rainy/(boring)/semi-rural Oxfordshire... this is especially useful to me now that all of my friends know who Burial is and keep asking me what my favourite SLT mob b-side is...]

Still, while I'm certainly getting really into funky – in love with its anthems (no matter how cheesy), excited by its visible hyper-speed progression into darker/grimier territory, interested in how it can be mixed easily into house/techno/dubstep/bassline AND grime, eager to get hold of the best records, religiously tuning into/downloading any marcus nasty sets I can get my mouse-cursor on etc, reading reams and reams of blogs/forum posts about it which are similar to this post but with more insight, accuracy and less references to fisting grannies etc... - I'm NOT (yet) consistently getting the neck-hair-prickling WHATTHEFUCKISTHIS feeling from it as I did from dubstep in 2006 (tunes like Loefah's ''I RMX'', ''Midnight Request Line'', ''Ancient Memories RMX'' etc...). A few reasons might be:

The 4x4 beat- Because tunes flow together pretty seamlessly in the mix, and so sometimes its harder to concentrate on listening to things as individual tunes rather than as bits of one big chunk of music. Also, I assume that one of the reasons I got into dubstep so easily was its steppy ness (and dark/rude bass) – which reminded me of jungle/DNB, which I was already obsessed with. Whereas I've only recently got into 4x4 dance music. Funky is rhythmically very interesting and loose, but sometimes I have to concentrate on it to remind myself its not just chugging along like a lot of more trad house does... speaking of which-

Not really a reason (neither was the last one but sue/forgive me), but an issue – traditionalism. There's apparently (evidently) a split in funky between what it was originally about – that is, US deep house style smooveness of the kind that Trevor Nelson probably secretes in the shower – and what it is becoming more and more about – grimey raw music that is undeniably connected to jungle/garage/grime and even dubstep...

When this was more the case, people said that funky wasn't really doing anything new or different (and they're still saying that – and probably quite accurately, I suppose. I'm not really that knowledgeable about the history of dance music and I suppose there's probably a whole load of New York house from 1953 that sounds exactly like funky does now blah blah blah...). Now, though things have obviously got a lot more interesting, there is still a vague feeling that this has all been heard before, like wot Simmo Reynolds wrote about funky being a circle-jerk facilitating custard-cream for all the old hardcore continuum ideas to leak into, or summat.

I can see how this might be true, but if anything I find the way people are using some of the old ideas from hardcore/jungle etc. in a rough-and-ready way pretty in-line with the feeling I get, when listening to old hardcore, that producers are just throwing whatever works into the mix (sonic signifiers of hardcore's history instead of funk/soul/hip-hop samples etc., maybe)... and not just in a novelty 2 MANY Djs style (''let's mash up the rolling stones with a salt n peppa beat''). It's part of the raw appeal of the genre – also not to forget that it doesn't sound particularly tasteful or sophisticated... and is able to be cheesy without being boring and stupid... and isn't exclusively being made by people who are to Logic/Cubase what a grown man with a comb-over who changes his name by deed-poll to Aragorn Axelgroth Jr. is to World of Warcraft.

HOW ever (not really, more a continuation of what I was just typing ...)- Marcus Nasty's last show on Rinse (which I posted up HERE, courtesy of Grievous Angel) basically gave me a similar feeling to hearing dubstep for the first time. Partly this was because I was hearing it LIVE, and that gave me a feeling of participation in things (being ''in the right place at the right time''), and as such a great concentration on what was NEXT. But mainly I think it was because a lot of the tunes Marcus was playing simply were NEXT (level). At last, the bandwagon is really worth riding!

(belatedly) 3. I've read too much about it. I went in 'cold' to dubstep and so didn't have a lot of unhelpful preconceptions built up in my head about what it all was supposed to mean, how it expressed the historical spirit of rave and probably set controlled explosions off in the WTC on Sep 11^th using Princess Diana's severed hand to get past the finger-print ident scanner etc.... I'd like to try and keep the discourse around funky in my head to a minimum. This probably explains why I've written such a rambling and incoherent blog about it all, right? It's not just that I'm lazy. I'm trying to confuse you all with so much flagrant bullshit that you (that is, Corpsey) resolve to never read anything about funky music again and just tune into M.Nasty every Wednesday instead... Because ultimately, this is fun party music to dance to, not to caress your chin to. So the thing to do now, evidently, is shut the fuck up about it like a good b

More Funky/UK House

2008-10-10T05:47:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to these two Footloose shows off 1xtra, out to faustus for uploading. They're both about 4 hours long, mixing the UK funky stuff with more conventional (but still good) house.

I bet his shirt is made of light Egyptian cotton, too.

Footloose on 1xtra 22nd July 2008 (Megaupload Link)

Donae’o – African Warrior
Delinquent ft Kcat – I Got You (Delio D’Cruz Mix)
Roska – Feeline VIP
Kele Le Roc – All Night Soldier (Fame Productions)
Diamond ft Kele Le Roc – Nothing (Ragz2Riches)
Funky Underground – Dub Boy
Geeneus – Yellow Tail
Funky Akatriel – On & On (Dub)
DJ Perempay ft Dee – In The Air
HardHouse Banton – Sirens
Unknown – Darqueness (Remix) (Dub)
Crazzi Cousins ft Kyla – Do You Mind (Dub)
Kcat – Get Off The Wall (Delio D’Cruz Remix)
TJ Cases ft Natalie Brooms – Nothing Better Than Your Love (Hardsoul Pressings)
Daddy Funk 45 ft General V – Rough It Up (Daddy Funk)
Spoonface ft Lisa Millet – When I’m Dancing (Spoonface & Wah Syndicate remix)
DMP vs Sadie Ama – These Were The Days (Crazzi Cousins Remix) (Island)
Footloose ft Simone – Just Leave (Roska Mix)
Geeneus – Piece Of Heaven (Jelly Jams)
Major Not£$ - Scream Out (Dub)
MC Lev – Take It Low
NB Funky – Nutz
NB Funky ft D’Votion – Open Your Wings
Young Lloyd ft Ludacris – How We Do It (Arms Remix) (Island/Universal)
23 Deluxe ft Daniel Joe – Show Me Happiness (DJ NG Remix)
DJ Naughty – Fire Power
Mark Ambience – Niya Bhingi
Donae’o – Devil In A Blue Dress (Dub)
Kenny Dope – Monopoly
Malice – Gabryelle (Remix) (Dub)
Ne-Yo – Closer (Guy Robin & J Leo Remix) (Hustle Music)
Quentin Harris ft Margaret Grace – My Joy (Malice Remix)
Bare Foot Monk – Werewolf
Suges – We Belong To The Night (Soul Stream)
Aphrodisiax – Keep It Moving
Da Hardy Brothers – Dance With Me
Dream Sellers – House Music Lives
Duce Martinez & Stephanie Cooke – Could This Be Love (MN2S)
Akabu ft Linda Cliford – Ride The Storm (Cleverkeys Remix)
Marlon B – Funky Angel
Fuzzy Logic – Work The Love
IC – Humming Bird
DJ Gregory – Vazefa (Defected)
1 Luv – Black Daylight (Slope Remix)
Funky Underground – I’m Going Down
DJ Gregory – Breeze (Marlon D & George Mena S Muted Remix) (Defected)
Fuzzy Logic – Polyfunk
Vboiz – Hooked On You (Dub)
Alex Wizz – Drummin (H2O Remix)
Diamond ft Terri Walker – Love At First Sight (Dub) (Ragz2Riches)
Crazzi Cousins ft Calista – Bongo Jam (Dub)
Karizma – Out Of Contol
Tawiah – Every Step (Arms Remix) (Bush Girl)

Footloose on 1xtra 29th July 2008 (Megaupload Link)

Bunny Mack – Let Me Love You (DJ Gregory Remix) (Defected)
Laura Izibor – From My Heart To Yours (U-Ness & Jehst Soulheaters Mix) (Atlantic)
Fingerprint ft Obi – Signed & Sealed (Dub)
DMP vs Sadie Ama – These Were The Days (Crazzi Cousins Remix) (Island)
Suges – We Belong To The Night (Soul Steam)
MA1 – I’m Right Here (DJ Naughty Remix)
Donae’o – African Warrior
Aaliyah – Rock The Boat (DJ Jazzcool Remix)
Delinquent ft Kcat – I Got You (Delio D’Cruz Mix)
Natty – July (Crazzi Cousin Remix) (Atlantic)
Fuzzy Logic – Cuban Linq
Seani B – Lift Me Up
Wookie ft Ny – Fallin
DJ Perempay ft Dee – In The Air
Kcat – Get Off The Wall (Delio D Cruz Mix)
Major Not£$ - Scream Out (Dub)
Quentin Harris ft Margaret Grace – My Joy (Malice Remix)
Roska – Feeline VIP
DJ Naughty – Fire Power
Scottie B ft Lonyo, Harmony & Mark Asari – Love Letters (Sony BMG)
Young Lloyd ft Ludacris – How We Do It (Arms Remix) (Island/Universal)
NB Funky ft D’Votion – Open Your Wings
Garrison Hawk – Sweet Music (Crazzi Cousins Remix)
Funky Akatriel – On & On (Dub)
Diamond ft Terri Walker – Love At First Sight (Dub) (Ragz2Riches)
JMC ft Sheek Louch – That’s Gangster (Footloose Mix)
Malice – Come Around
DJ Gregory – Vazefa (Defected)
Dream Sellers – House Music Lives
TJ Cases ft Natalie Brooms – Nothing Better
Daddy Funk ft Nicole Tyler – The Disco Killed My Brain (Divided Soul Mix) (Barcoda)
Geeneus – Piece Of Heaven (Jelly Jams)
Bare Foot Monk – Werewolf
Karizma – 33rd Street
Lost Heroes – Bambatta (Innervisions)
Martino – Dark Days (83 West Rework) (2 Twenty)
Claude VonStroke – Who’s Afraid Of Detroit
Marlon B – Funky Angel
Karizma – Twisted
Unknown – Darkness (Remix)
DJ Perempay ft Dee – Hypnotic
Cleverkeys – Shes The One
Dalminjo ft Lenny Hamilton – I’ll Wait (Original Mix) (Papa)
Aphrodisiax – Unfinished Business
Geeneus – Make Me
Ne-Yo – Closer (Guy Robin & J Leo Remix) (Hustle Music)
DJ NG ft Baby Katy & MC Versatile – Tell Me (Dub)
Crazzi Cousins ft Calista – Bongo Jam (Dub)
Donae’o – Devil In A Blue Dress (Dub)
Crazzi Cousins ft Kyla – Do You Mind (Dub)
DJ Naughty - Quicktime
Diamond ft Kele Le Roc – Nothing (Ragz2Riches)

And here's Marcus Nasty's latest Rinse show. No need for a tracklist- just listen to it, stupid.

Marcus Nasty on Rinse FM 01/10/08 (Sendspace Link)

Out to Grievous Angel on the upload.

I Had A Dream About Trim Last Night

2008-10-10T05:00:00.000-07:00

Scratchy was there, he held my hand so tight... I thought I'd just DIE.

Seriously tho, I think it just involved me jumping 20 feet in the air on a pogo stick and shouting ''Nan thanks for the cardigan'' a lot.

Good/Bad/Uggers #1

2008-10-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

The Gut:

^ For Example ^

Get this album.

The Bad:

^
''DEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...''

...khead O'Brian. Whenever he says something funny he automatically neutralises its comic effect by going ''Dehhhhhhhhhhh'' like a malfunctioning printer. If I was stuck on a 3 metre long desert island with Dara O'Brian and a child molesting howler monkey, I'd probably do a shit in Dara O'Brians coconut-juice first.

THE FUNKY:

^ Marcus Nasty, now on Rinse FM every Wednesday 7-9pm ^

Efdemin RA podcast

2008-09-26T07:55:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to a lot of house and techno recently. I'm well feeling it and that but I've still failed completely to go to any four on da floor nights this year as I pledged to myself to do. It's been dubstep dubstep dubstep all bliddy year (plus some garage). Why?

1. I'm skint because I'm too lazy to get a job.

2. London is long like Friends repeats on E4 are in the tooth-piece.

3. When I think about standing in Fabric rushing nauseously on powdery pills while some guy with an intricate fringe plays on his laptop andbrings the kick drum in and out once every six hours, I start yearning for a nice cup of tea, a mortgage and children, and then my nipples start secreting milk everywhere, like Tina from Hollyoaks.

4. The only times I've seen techno/house DJs since Exit festival in 2007 (where I couldn't believe my drug-spun eyes) I've been pretty much bored stiff, rather than MADE STIFF (tee-hee-hee it's an erection joke) by them. The only real exception I can think of to this trend was Billy Nasty playing an acid house set at Bloc Weekend... I should mention that a green laser was shining in my face, I was wearing a tiny suit and I'd been snorting pills for breakfast. BUT the music was sick anyway - it was simple and raw and not overloaded with fussy little FX-farts.

Then again, I've only seen about four house/techno DJs since Exit festival, so I'm not exactly speaking from experience here. I need to get to some four-to-the-floor nights sharpish, preferably with my eyes rolling around behind a pair of Ray-Bans and a picture of a dog vomiting dicks emblazoned across my chest.*

Having typed all that rubbish, perhaps its time to arrive at the point. This Efdemin podcast from Resident Advisor is very great and has been taken down, so I've uploaded it again for anyone that's interested.

LINK HERE

1. KSoul + Ra.H - Turning Poing (sistrum)
2. DJ Jus Ed - Don´t stop Da Da (jus-ed recordings)
3. Manoo - Kodjo (Deeply Rooted House)
4. Raw Artistic Soul ft. Ursula Rucker - The Light (Karizma Deepa 1Ne Dub, Raw Artistic Soul)
5. Cassy - Somelightuntothenight (Beatstreet)
6. Sascha Dive - Deep In Rhythm (Deep Vibes Recordings)
7. DJ Dennis - I love to watch U dance (DJ Buck Remix) (force of nature)
8. Eddie Fowlkes - Save Message Remix (Cityboymusic)
9. Rennie Foster - Monochasm (xplormusic)
10. G-Man - Sparticus (Styrax Leaves)
11. Djinxx - No color man (F...U! Fcom)
12. Tobias - Dial (logistic)
13. Minimal Man - Make a move pt.1 (trelik)
14. Disko 3000 - Sabu Sabu Rugged Mix (body to body)
15. Shakleton - Blood on my hands, Ricardo Villalobos Apocalypso Now Mix (Skull Disco)
16. Petre Inspirescu - de bou (a:rpia:r)
17. Keith Worthy - Deep For Dayz (Sistrum)
18. Brendon Moeller - Pink Noise (Third ear)
19. Ferrer& Sydenham Inc. - The Back Door (Ibadan)
20. Tiger Stripes - Hooked (Liebe*Detail)
21. DJ Koze - All The Time (Philpot)
22. Andy Stott - Massacre (Modern Love)

**I think I should bet on techno nights, really - being in a house crowd might rub me the wrong way. Or to be more accurate, I might rub it the wrong way. Like in the wrong way that a man in a trenchcoat with gigantic spectacles might rub someone in a bus shelter at eleven p.m on the outskirts of Swindon. I wrote on here before about how I'm not a UKG kinda guy, despite fucking loving the music, and the same thing probably applies to house.

On a DNB/Dubstep dancefloor, where being a perma-scowling pleasure-vacuum who appears to be up for undressing the floor with his eyes is considered the very height of cool, I am in my element. But standing in a crowd full of perma-smiling, sunglasses-sporting, shuper-shexshy human-lucozade people who are all there to have a good time WITH EACH OTHER, I fear I will stick out, like a toddler turd in a paddling pool.

Now techno, on the other hand? That's a different kettle of fish in a barrel. I really think I could fit in with a crowd of poker faced skinheads who are perpetually grappling with the persistent conviction that a can of red stripe doesn't taste as nice as it did in 1992 and that Derrick May never got the flowers, and thus are mentally too far away to respond to the music with anything more than a slight chin-tuck or barely audible sigh of utter regret.

I'm not going to be a goth, the makeup is brass.

Get On That (Hardcore Mix)

2008-09-24T03:09:00.000-07:00

See, I could/should have posted a picture of a beautiful nubile young woman in a bikini top being showered in emerald green laser strips to accompany an Old Skool mix, but is there anything more tempting to type into google image search than ''Gurning fuckhead mess off his bloody nelly jpeg''? Not that anyone who's never heard of fisting porn has heard of, that's for sure.

Besides, this spasming wreck is having a better time in this picture than I've had at a night in ages. The last time I had that good a time my eyes were rolling back in my head and I was screaming ''More CLIPZ!'' again and again. Everytime I've been pissed and stoned at a dubstep night in the past year, the only thing that would have made me that happy would have been if the DJs had started dropping tunes written by me that I'd never even heard before.

Anyway, this mix is by me good pal The Law and features a mixture of early 90s hardcore/proto-jungle, which is some of the best music ever made. It's raw, euphoric and ludicrously inventive.

Law himself says...

''Knocked this up from a few vinyls of mine and some mp3s (some of these are well out of print) on my PC, so I cant take much credit for the mixing really.

Features many a classic, all tunes that Ive loved from hearing years ago, recently only ID'd some of them. All take me back, although not to 1992, to 1997/99 when the local pirate always had 'oldskool sundays'

Anyway if you are not an expert on this era (like me) this is a good starting point I suppose''

Law Anthemtastic 1991-1993 Hardcore Set (right click and 'save as')

01.. Shades Of Rhythm - Sweet Sensation - ZTT
02.. Lennie De Ice - We Are I.E. - i.e. Records
03.. Cosmo & Dibs - Oh So Nice - Moving Shadow
04.. Bizarre Inc. - Playing With Knives (Quadrant Mix) - Vinyl Solution
05.. The Prodigy - Pandemonium - XL Recordings
06.. 2 Bad Mice - Hold It Down - Moving Shadow
07.. Jonny L - Hurt You So (Alright) - Yo!Yo!
08.. Sonz Of A Loop Da Loop Era - Far Out - Suburban Base
09.. 2-X-Treme - X-Treme Theme - Empire
10.. 4 Hero - Cooking Up Yah Brain - Reinforced
11.. Jem 77 - I've Never Felt This Way - 21 Records
12.. DJ Edge - Compnded - Edge Records
13.. Blame - Music Takes You (2 Bad Mice Remix) - Moving Shadow
14.. SL2 - Drumbeats - XL Recordings
15.. Phuture Assassins - Future Sound (2 Bad Mice Remix) - Suburban Base
16.. Cloud 9 - Gonna Be Alright - Back To Detroit EP White
17.. Sonz Of A Loop Da Loop Era - Peace & Lovism (4 Hero Remix) - Suburban Base
18.. DJ Seduction - Sub Dub - Impact
19.. Dance Conspiracy - Dub War - Metamorphosis
20.. Fast Floor - Plight Of The Innovators - Smooth Recordings
21.. DJ Red Alert & Mike Slammer - In Effect - Slammin Vinyl

PROPER.

p.p.s: Check out Law's Dillinja/Photek etc. mixes also as they are bodacious.

KELIS PUSSY BIG LIKE THE GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS

2008-09-24T02:48:00.000-07:00

Vybz Kartel grew up hard, but nowadays he can afford all of life's luxuries - like smoking a cigar in front of four clocks. The only clock I need is the one that says ''Vybz'' at the top-centre instead of ''12''.

You wouldn't find Sizzla smoking a cigar in front of four clocks, that's for sure. To Kalonj, four clocks just = four distractions from reading the Bible and cooking up goat curries for your mates. Vybz isn't really better than Sizzla at anything except perhaps a) beating Ninjaman in the face with his fists and b) singing about shooting priests with Glocks. But that's enough for me.

I'm not going to make a habit out of this but I had to post up this MP3 because it's chuffing jokes. Basically, it's a cover of ''Milkshake'' by Kelis in which Squire Vibles reveals to us both his distaste for having sex with women with loose pussies, and the enormous size of Kelis' cloonge.

The way Vybz tells it, you could smuggle Jay-Z, Beanie Sigel, Memph Bleek, all of RocaFella records roster and the entire cast of the Lord of the Rings (including Orcs) into Nas's dressing room just by stuffing them up Kelis' clangle. Kelis, it would seem, can sit on a man's face just by driving past him at a distance of up to a mile. Maybe that's why Nas looks so depressed all the time?

VYBZ KARTEL - NA MILKSHAKE

NOW KIDS - SING ALONG!

CHORUS:

Mi nuh drink milkshake a guiness inna mi yaad
Yuh Damn right man a real ol' dawg
Mi nuh fuck gal if dem pum pum large
Kelis pussy big like G.P Prison yaad. (x2)
VERSE 1:

Guh weh dutty bitch nuh cockey neva 'itch
She salta dan Annie Palmer de white witch
Har mout' feel more balls dan cricket picth
And The punani size n uh dacta caan stitch
Dan, nuh gal caan get real man fi switch
Nuh matta how mi luv har
Nuh matta how she rich
Some bwoy mout' occupy piss
Gal spin like satilite dish
Pan cockey like dis

CHORUS:

Mi nuh drink milkshake a guiness inna mi yaad
Yuh Damn right man a real ol' dawg
Mi nuh fuck Gal if dem pum pum large
Kelis Pussy big like G.P Prison yaad. (x2)

VERSE 2:

Coolface,
She wicked eeh
She insipid eeh
Milkshake sell a Burga King or Mickey D
Yo Dickey D,
Yuh nuh she the Gal a ickey dickey d
Nuh pity fi she dozen cockey fi she, from we
Henniesea, Red Bull, Guinny P
Get buck lakka Kartel
Weh we nuh pree
Nuh watch June plum juice, nar cherry juice
an' a batty an drink Fish Tea

CHORUS:

Mi nuh drink milkshake a guiness inna mi yaad
Yuh Damn right man a real ol' dawg
Mi nuh fuck Gal if dem pum pum large
Kelis Pussy big like G.P Prison yaad. (x2)

COME

2008-09-24T02:39:00.001-07:00

Ya dun know the myspace.

Maximum + Spyro on Rinse FM

2008-09-19T07:31:00.000-07:00

Maximum b2b Spyro on Rinse last night...

This is the hypest thing you can afford to get in these difficult times.

Here's Elijah's original post about from which I nicked the link (good blog besides that).

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