Badly thought out way to get the bad thoughts out.

Friday, 10 October 2008

I Love To Write My Blog Posts When I'm Thouuuughtful



DISCLAIMER: It's been a while since my last stream of ponderous + inchoate bullshit regarding music (see Generation Bass post) and I'd just like to say that I didn't write any of this. Prince Philip did, after he cut the brakes on the Mercedes... also, if I DID write it I didn't plan to, and forgot all about it while I was doing it. So blaming me for this is a bit like blaming somebody for blacking out and murdering their family with a hammer. Fundamentally wrong.

Funky isn't having the same effect on me that dubstep did when I first heard it. When I first got into dubstep (after the rote “this is really slow and boring” feeling that all ex-DNB heads must go through) I was constantly taken aback by tunes – ''what the fuck is this?'' was a regular response, and the generalised response to the genre was one of scarcely reluctant ascent. Having got into DNB through its somewhat diluted and conventionalised modern form, and then latterly having discovered the musical heights of 90s jungle (from rough and rugged 93 post-hardcore to 96 'intelligent' proto-DNB: Photek, Source Direct – all that highly sculptured but still unstable, slightly nebulous jungle – i.e. 'Black Rose' by Hokusai), I felt like I was discovering the ''Jungle of the KEANE/SEPTEMBER11ATTACKS/REALITYTV GENERATION!!!''. Of course it wasn't really that, but I did at least manage to catch it at the tail end of what I take to be its most exciting and powerful stage.

As much as I love the original 2-step dubstep stuff (not to mention garage itself), as I wrote in a previous post about Youngsta on Rinse in 2005, the era dominated by Loefah, Skream, Benga the Mystikz and D1 still seems to me to be the time when dubstep really WAS dubstep (which is probably something to do with the fact that I got into it at that time). Paradoxically, of course, while the notion of dubstep was powerful during that time, a large part of the genres appeal was its versatility – you felt like you never really knew what was coming, or how a producer was going to use the standard sub-bass at 140 formula.

Nowadays, although there is still a lot of versatility within dubstep, the most interesting stuff usually sounds like some other kind of music filtered through dubstep – techno, garage, reggae, house... It seems like dubstep's become a useful 140bpm tool for the fusing of all these old and disparate genres together with one tempo. Which is good. But the most obviously dubstep sounding dubstep now is- lamentably -rigid mid-range aggro stuff, which actually sounds like slowed down buzz-saw DNB (which is what people who were into DNB but hated dubstep used to – inaccurately - say dubstep sounded like... those same people who now ironically love dubstep which DOES sound like slowed down DNB... LOLZER). Which means that it doesn't sound THAT much like dubstep really, and that the definition of 'dubstep' has altered, perhaps irretrievably.

Funky's got a similar thing going on in it to Dubstep circa 2005/6 at the moment – it's got a very definite sound to it (and I'm talking here about the syncopated b2b rude stuff that Marcus Nasty always plays), but you never really feel that you know what's coming up next. It's got that recognisable rhythm (4X4 kick, shuffley percussion...), and certain textures/instruments reoccur quite a lot (dirty strings, synth-brass instruments etc.), but people are fucking around with that template in very different ways. The 'what the fuck is this?' factor is definitely in effect.

This effect is heightened considerably by the fact that I a) don't know what any of the tunes are called b) have never been raving to it (and, given that raves seem to be shirts-and-shoes affairs taking place in clubs that I probably won't end up going to) and c) don't know anybody at all within the funky community. The internet has obviously made everything (perhaps too) accessible – if that wasn't the case it's unlikely that I'd have been able to get into dubstep as much as I have – but I still feel distant from funky.

I don't really care, though – part of funky's raw energy and unpretentious strength probably comes from it being an urban London thing, so-far largely uncontaminated by neuro-funk nerdlingers (as seems to have been the case with jungle, garage and of course grime) and (urgh i've just been sick in a stolen traffic cone, dressed as Old Gregg) STUDENTS... people like ME, in other words. People like ME KILL genres. Just look what I singlehandedly did to Europop and Electroclash.

[ALSO I get to feel like I'm at last discovering something alien and new on a crackly old FM radio while sitting in a car on the outskirts of London, just like how other people used to walk 20 miles a day with a jug of water on their heads just to tune into three minutes of a Slew Dem show on Rinse, which they couldn't hear properly because the jug had sunk three inches into their ear lobe... When in fact I'm hearing it in my chocolate-cake and teddy bear-stuffed bedroom in sunny/rainy/(boring)/semi-rural Oxfordshire... this is especially useful to me now that all of my friends know who Burial is and keep asking me what my favourite SLT mob b-side is...]

Still, while I'm certainly getting really into funky – in love with its anthems (no matter how cheesy), excited by its visible hyper-speed progression into darker/grimier territory, interested in how it can be mixed easily into house/techno/dubstep/bassline AND grime, eager to get hold of the best records, religiously tuning into/downloading any marcus nasty sets I can get my mouse-cursor on etc, reading reams and reams of blogs/forum posts about it which are similar to this post but with more insight, accuracy and less references to fisting grannies etc... - I'm NOT (yet) consistently getting the neck-hair-prickling WHATTHEFUCKISTHIS feeling from it as I did from dubstep in 2006 (tunes like Loefah's ''I RMX'', ''Midnight Request Line'', ''Ancient Memories RMX'' etc...). A few reasons might be:

  1. The 4x4 beat- Because tunes flow together pretty seamlessly in the mix, and so sometimes its harder to concentrate on listening to things as individual tunes rather than as bits of one big chunk of music. Also, I assume that one of the reasons I got into dubstep so easily was its steppy ness (and dark/rude bass) – which reminded me of jungle/DNB, which I was already obsessed with. Whereas I've only recently got into 4x4 dance music. Funky is rhythmically very interesting and loose, but sometimes I have to concentrate on it to remind myself its not just chugging along like a lot of more trad house does... speaking of which-

  1. Not really a reason (neither was the last one but sue/forgive me), but an issue – traditionalism. There's apparently (evidently) a split in funky between what it was originally about – that is, US deep house style smooveness of the kind that Trevor Nelson probably secretes in the shower – and what it is becoming more and more about – grimey raw music that is undeniably connected to jungle/garage/grime and even dubstep...

    When this was more the case, people said that funky wasn't really doing anything new or different (and they're still saying that – and probably quite accurately, I suppose. I'm not really that knowledgeable about the history of dance music and I suppose there's probably a whole load of New York house from 1953 that sounds exactly like funky does now blah blah blah...). Now, though things have obviously got a lot more interesting, there is still a vague feeling that this has all been heard before, like wot Simmo Reynolds wrote about funky being a circle-jerk facilitating custard-cream for all the old hardcore continuum ideas to leak into, or summat.

    I can see how this might be true, but if anything I find the way people are using some of the old ideas from hardcore/jungle etc. in a rough-and-ready way pretty in-line with the feeling I get, when listening to old hardcore, that producers are just throwing whatever works into the mix (sonic signifiers of hardcore's history instead of funk/soul/hip-hop samples etc., maybe)... and not just in a novelty 2 MANY Djs style (''let's mash up the rolling stones with a salt n peppa beat''). It's part of the raw appeal of the genre – also not to forget that it doesn't sound particularly tasteful or sophisticated... and is able to be cheesy without being boring and stupid... and isn't exclusively being made by people who are to Logic/Cubase what a grown man with a comb-over who changes his name by deed-poll to Aragorn Axelgroth Jr. is to World of Warcraft.

HOW ever (not really, more a continuation of what I was just typing ...)- Marcus Nasty's last show on Rinse (which I posted up HERE, courtesy of Grievous Angel) basically gave me a similar feeling to hearing dubstep for the first time. Partly this was because I was hearing it LIVE, and that gave me a feeling of participation in things (being ''in the right place at the right time''), and as such a great concentration on what was NEXT. But mainly I think it was because a lot of the tunes Marcus was playing simply were NEXT (level). At last, the bandwagon is really worth riding!

    (belatedly) 3. I've read too much about it. I went in 'cold' to dubstep and so didn't have a lot of unhelpful preconceptions built up in my head about what it all was supposed to mean, how it expressed the historical spirit of rave and probably set controlled explosions off in the WTC on Sep 11th using Princess Diana's severed hand to get past the finger-print ident scanner etc.... I'd like to try and keep the discourse around funky in my head to a minimum. This probably explains why I've written such a rambling and incoherent blog about it all, right? It's not just that I'm lazy. I'm trying to confuse you all with so much flagrant bullshit that you (that is, Corpsey) resolve to never read anything about funky music again and just tune into M.Nasty every Wednesday instead... Because ultimately, this is fun party music to dance to, not to caress your chin to. So the thing to do now, evidently, is shut the fuck up about it like a good b

More Funky/UK House

I've been listening to these two Footloose shows off 1xtra, out to faustus for uploading. They're both about 4 hours long, mixing the UK funky stuff with more conventional (but still good) house.

I bet his shirt is made of light Egyptian cotton, too.

Footloose on 1xtra 22nd July 2008 (Megaupload Link)

Donae’o – African Warrior
Delinquent ft Kcat – I Got You (Delio D’Cruz Mix)
Roska – Feeline VIP
Kele Le Roc – All Night Soldier (Fame Productions)
Diamond ft Kele Le Roc – Nothing (Ragz2Riches)
Funky Underground – Dub Boy
Geeneus – Yellow Tail
Funky Akatriel – On & On (Dub)
DJ Perempay ft Dee – In The Air
HardHouse Banton – Sirens
Unknown – Darqueness (Remix) (Dub)
Crazzi Cousins ft Kyla – Do You Mind (Dub)
Kcat – Get Off The Wall (Delio D’Cruz Remix)
TJ Cases ft Natalie Brooms – Nothing Better Than Your Love (Hardsoul Pressings)
Daddy Funk 45 ft General V – Rough It Up (Daddy Funk)
Spoonface ft Lisa Millet – When I’m Dancing (Spoonface & Wah Syndicate remix)
DMP vs Sadie Ama – These Were The Days (Crazzi Cousins Remix) (Island)
Footloose ft Simone – Just Leave (Roska Mix)
Geeneus – Piece Of Heaven (Jelly Jams)
Major Not£$ - Scream Out (Dub)
MC Lev – Take It Low
NB Funky – Nutz
NB Funky ft D’Votion – Open Your Wings
Young Lloyd ft Ludacris – How We Do It (Arms Remix) (Island/Universal)
23 Deluxe ft Daniel Joe – Show Me Happiness (DJ NG Remix)
DJ Naughty – Fire Power
Mark Ambience – Niya Bhingi
Donae’o – Devil In A Blue Dress (Dub)
Kenny Dope – Monopoly
Malice – Gabryelle (Remix) (Dub)
Ne-Yo – Closer (Guy Robin & J Leo Remix) (Hustle Music)
Quentin Harris ft Margaret Grace – My Joy (Malice Remix)
Bare Foot Monk – Werewolf
Suges – We Belong To The Night (Soul Stream)
Aphrodisiax – Keep It Moving
Da Hardy Brothers – Dance With Me
Dream Sellers – House Music Lives
Duce Martinez & Stephanie Cooke – Could This Be Love (MN2S)
Akabu ft Linda Cliford – Ride The Storm (Cleverkeys Remix)
Marlon B – Funky Angel
Fuzzy Logic – Work The Love
IC – Humming Bird
DJ Gregory – Vazefa (Defected)
1 Luv – Black Daylight (Slope Remix)
Funky Underground – I’m Going Down
DJ Gregory – Breeze (Marlon D & George Mena S Muted Remix) (Defected)
Fuzzy Logic – Polyfunk
Vboiz – Hooked On You (Dub)
Alex Wizz – Drummin (H2O Remix)
Diamond ft Terri Walker – Love At First Sight (Dub) (Ragz2Riches)
Crazzi Cousins ft Calista – Bongo Jam (Dub)
Karizma – Out Of Contol
Tawiah – Every Step (Arms Remix) (Bush Girl)

Footloose on 1xtra 29th July 2008 (Megaupload Link)

Bunny Mack – Let Me Love You (DJ Gregory Remix) (Defected)
Laura Izibor – From My Heart To Yours (U-Ness & Jehst Soulheaters Mix) (Atlantic)
Fingerprint ft Obi – Signed & Sealed (Dub)
DMP vs Sadie Ama – These Were The Days (Crazzi Cousins Remix) (Island)
Suges – We Belong To The Night (Soul Steam)
MA1 – I’m Right Here (DJ Naughty Remix)
Donae’o – African Warrior
Aaliyah – Rock The Boat (DJ Jazzcool Remix)
Delinquent ft Kcat – I Got You (Delio D’Cruz Mix)
Natty – July (Crazzi Cousin Remix) (Atlantic)
Fuzzy Logic – Cuban Linq
Seani B – Lift Me Up
Wookie ft Ny – Fallin
DJ Perempay ft Dee – In The Air
Kcat – Get Off The Wall (Delio D Cruz Mix)
Major Not£$ - Scream Out (Dub)
Quentin Harris ft Margaret Grace – My Joy (Malice Remix)
Roska – Feeline VIP
DJ Naughty – Fire Power
Scottie B ft Lonyo, Harmony & Mark Asari – Love Letters (Sony BMG)
Young Lloyd ft Ludacris – How We Do It (Arms Remix) (Island/Universal)
NB Funky ft D’Votion – Open Your Wings
Garrison Hawk – Sweet Music (Crazzi Cousins Remix)
Funky Akatriel – On & On (Dub)
Diamond ft Terri Walker – Love At First Sight (Dub) (Ragz2Riches)
JMC ft Sheek Louch – That’s Gangster (Footloose Mix)
Malice – Come Around
DJ Gregory – Vazefa (Defected)
Dream Sellers – House Music Lives
TJ Cases ft Natalie Brooms – Nothing Better
Daddy Funk ft Nicole Tyler – The Disco Killed My Brain (Divided Soul Mix) (Barcoda)
Geeneus – Piece Of Heaven (Jelly Jams)
Bare Foot Monk – Werewolf
Karizma – 33rd Street
Lost Heroes – Bambatta (Innervisions)
Martino – Dark Days (83 West Rework) (2 Twenty)
Claude VonStroke – Who’s Afraid Of Detroit
Marlon B – Funky Angel
Karizma – Twisted
Unknown – Darkness (Remix)
DJ Perempay ft Dee – Hypnotic
Cleverkeys – Shes The One
Dalminjo ft Lenny Hamilton – I’ll Wait (Original Mix) (Papa)
Aphrodisiax – Unfinished Business
Geeneus – Make Me
Ne-Yo – Closer (Guy Robin & J Leo Remix) (Hustle Music)
DJ NG ft Baby Katy & MC Versatile – Tell Me (Dub)
Crazzi Cousins ft Calista – Bongo Jam (Dub)
Donae’o – Devil In A Blue Dress (Dub)
Crazzi Cousins ft Kyla – Do You Mind (Dub)
DJ Naughty - Quicktime
Diamond ft Kele Le Roc – Nothing (Ragz2Riches)


And here's Marcus Nasty's latest Rinse show. No need for a tracklist- just listen to it, stupid.

Marcus Nasty on Rinse FM 01/10/08 (Sendspace Link)

Out to Grievous Angel on the upload.

I Had A Dream About Trim Last Night

Scratchy was there, he held my hand so tight... I thought I'd just DIE.

Seriously tho, I think it just involved me jumping 20 feet in the air on a pogo stick and shouting ''Nan thanks for the cardigan'' a lot.

Monday, 6 October 2008

Good/Bad/Uggers #1

The Gut:


^ For Example ^

Get this album.

The Bad:


^
''DEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...''

...khead O'Brian. Whenever he says something funny he automatically neutralises its comic effect by going ''Dehhhhhhhhhhh'' like a malfunctioning printer. If I was stuck on a 3 metre long desert island with Dara O'Brian and a child molesting howler monkey, I'd probably do a shit in Dara O'Brians coconut-juice first.

THE FUNKY:


^ Marcus Nasty, now on Rinse FM every Wednesday 7-9pm ^

Friday, 26 September 2008

Efdemin RA podcast


I've been listening to a lot of house and techno recently. I'm well feeling it and that but I've still failed completely to go to any four on da floor nights this year as I pledged to myself to do. It's been dubstep dubstep dubstep all bliddy year (plus some garage). Why?

1. I'm skint because I'm too lazy to get a job.

2. London is long like Friends repeats on E4 are in the tooth-piece.

3. When I think about standing in Fabric rushing nauseously on powdery pills while some guy with an intricate fringe plays on his laptop andbrings the kick drum in and out once every six hours, I start yearning for a nice cup of tea, a mortgage and children, and then my nipples start secreting milk everywhere, like Tina from Hollyoaks.

4. The only times I've seen techno/house DJs since Exit festival in 2007 (where I couldn't believe my drug-spun eyes) I've been pretty much bored stiff, rather than MADE STIFF (tee-hee-hee it's an erection joke) by them. The only real exception I can think of to this trend was Billy Nasty playing an acid house set at Bloc Weekend... I should mention that a green laser was shining in my face, I was wearing a tiny suit and I'd been snorting pills for breakfast. BUT the music was sick anyway - it was simple and raw and not overloaded with fussy little FX-farts.

Then again, I've only seen about four house/techno DJs since Exit festival, so I'm not exactly speaking from experience here. I need to get to some four-to-the-floor nights sharpish, preferably with my eyes rolling around behind a pair of Ray-Bans and a picture of a dog vomiting dicks emblazoned across my chest.*

Having typed all that rubbish, perhaps its time to arrive at the point. This Efdemin podcast from Resident Advisor is very great and has been taken down, so I've uploaded it again for anyone that's interested.

LINK HERE


1. KSoul + Ra.H - Turning Poing (sistrum)
2. DJ Jus Ed - Don´t stop Da Da (jus-ed recordings)
3. Manoo - Kodjo (Deeply Rooted House)
4. Raw Artistic Soul ft. Ursula Rucker - The Light (Karizma Deepa 1Ne Dub, Raw Artistic Soul)
5. Cassy - Somelightuntothenight (Beatstreet)
6. Sascha Dive - Deep In Rhythm (Deep Vibes Recordings)
7. DJ Dennis - I love to watch U dance (DJ Buck Remix) (force of nature)
8. Eddie Fowlkes - Save Message Remix (Cityboymusic)
9. Rennie Foster - Monochasm (xplormusic)
10. G-Man - Sparticus (Styrax Leaves)
11. Djinxx - No color man (F...U! Fcom)
12. Tobias - Dial (logistic)
13. Minimal Man - Make a move pt.1 (trelik)
14. Disko 3000 - Sabu Sabu Rugged Mix (body to body)
15. Shakleton - Blood on my hands, Ricardo Villalobos Apocalypso Now Mix (Skull Disco)
16. Petre Inspirescu - de bou (a:rpia:r)
17. Keith Worthy - Deep For Dayz (Sistrum)
18. Brendon Moeller - Pink Noise (Third ear)
19. Ferrer& Sydenham Inc. - The Back Door (Ibadan)
20. Tiger Stripes - Hooked (Liebe*Detail)
21. DJ Koze - All The Time (Philpot)
22. Andy Stott - Massacre (Modern Love)

**I think I should bet on techno nights, really - being in a house crowd might rub me the wrong way. Or to be more accurate, I might rub it the wrong way. Like in the wrong way that a man in a trenchcoat with gigantic spectacles might rub someone in a bus shelter at eleven p.m on the outskirts of Swindon. I wrote on here before about how I'm not a UKG kinda guy, despite fucking loving the music, and the same thing probably applies to house.

On a DNB/Dubstep dancefloor, where being a perma-scowling pleasure-vacuum who appears to be up for undressing the floor with his eyes is considered the very height of cool, I am in my element. But standing in a crowd full of perma-smiling, sunglasses-sporting, shuper-shexshy human-lucozade people who are all there to have a good time WITH EACH OTHER, I fear I will stick out, like a toddler turd in a paddling pool.

Now techno, on the other hand? That's a different kettle of fish in a barrel. I really think I could fit in with a crowd of poker faced skinheads who are perpetually grappling with the persistent conviction that a can of red stripe doesn't taste as nice as it did in 1992 and that Derrick May never got the flowers, and thus are mentally too far away to respond to the music with anything more than a slight chin-tuck or barely audible sigh of utter regret.

I'm not going to be a goth, the makeup is brass.

Wednesday, 24 September 2008

Get On That (Hardcore Mix)


See, I could/should have posted a picture of a beautiful nubile young woman in a bikini top being showered in emerald green laser strips to accompany an Old Skool mix, but is there anything more tempting to type into google image search than ''Gurning fuckhead mess off his bloody nelly jpeg''? Not that anyone who's never heard of fisting porn has heard of, that's for sure.

Besides, this spasming wreck is having a better time in this picture than I've had at a night in ages. The last time I had that good a time my eyes were rolling back in my head and I was screaming ''More CLIPZ!'' again and again. Everytime I've been pissed and stoned at a dubstep night in the past year, the only thing that would have made me that happy would have been if the DJs had started dropping tunes written by me that I'd never even heard before.

Anyway, this mix is by me good pal The Law and features a mixture of early 90s hardcore/proto-jungle, which is some of the best music ever made. It's raw, euphoric and ludicrously inventive.

Law himself says...

''Knocked this up from a few vinyls of mine and some mp3s (some of these are well out of print) on my PC, so I cant take much credit for the mixing really.

Features many a classic, all tunes that Ive loved from hearing years ago, recently only ID'd some of them. All take me back, although not to 1992, to 1997/99 when the local pirate always had 'oldskool sundays'

Anyway if you are not an expert on this era (like me) this is a good starting point I suppose''

Law Anthemtastic 1991-1993 Hardcore Set (right click and 'save as')

01.. Shades Of Rhythm - Sweet Sensation - ZTT
02.. Lennie De Ice - We Are I.E. - i.e. Records
03.. Cosmo & Dibs - Oh So Nice - Moving Shadow
04.. Bizarre Inc. - Playing With Knives (Quadrant Mix) - Vinyl Solution
05.. The Prodigy - Pandemonium - XL Recordings
06.. 2 Bad Mice - Hold It Down - Moving Shadow
07.. Jonny L - Hurt You So (Alright) - Yo!Yo!
08.. Sonz Of A Loop Da Loop Era - Far Out - Suburban Base
09.. 2-X-Treme - X-Treme Theme - Empire
10.. 4 Hero - Cooking Up Yah Brain - Reinforced
11.. Jem 77 - I've Never Felt This Way - 21 Records
12.. DJ Edge - Compnded - Edge Records
13.. Blame - Music Takes You (2 Bad Mice Remix) - Moving Shadow
14.. SL2 - Drumbeats - XL Recordings
15.. Phuture Assassins - Future Sound (2 Bad Mice Remix) - Suburban Base
16.. Cloud 9 - Gonna Be Alright - Back To Detroit EP White
17.. Sonz Of A Loop Da Loop Era - Peace & Lovism (4 Hero Remix) - Suburban Base
18.. DJ Seduction - Sub Dub - Impact
19.. Dance Conspiracy - Dub War - Metamorphosis
20.. Fast Floor - Plight Of The Innovators - Smooth Recordings
21.. DJ Red Alert & Mike Slammer - In Effect - Slammin Vinyl

PROPER.

p.p.s: Check out Law's Dillinja/Photek etc. mixes also as they are bodacious.

KELIS PUSSY BIG LIKE THE GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS


Vybz Kartel grew up hard, but nowadays he can afford all of life's luxuries - like smoking a cigar in front of four clocks. The only clock I need is the one that says ''Vybz'' at the top-centre instead of ''12''.

You wouldn't find Sizzla smoking a cigar in front of four clocks, that's for sure. To Kalonj, four clocks just = four distractions from reading the Bible and cooking up goat curries for your mates. Vybz isn't really better than Sizzla at anything except perhaps a) beating Ninjaman in the face with his fists and b) singing about shooting priests with Glocks. But that's enough for me.

I'm not going to make a habit out of this but I had to post up this MP3 because it's chuffing jokes. Basically, it's a cover of ''Milkshake'' by Kelis in which Squire Vibles reveals to us both his distaste for having sex with women with loose pussies, and the enormous size of Kelis' cloonge.

The way Vybz tells it, you could smuggle Jay-Z, Beanie Sigel, Memph Bleek, all of RocaFella records roster and the entire cast of the Lord of the Rings (including Orcs) into Nas's dressing room just by stuffing them up Kelis' clangle. Kelis, it would seem, can sit on a man's face just by driving past him at a distance of up to a mile. Maybe that's why Nas looks so depressed all the time?

VYBZ KARTEL - NA MILKSHAKE

NOW KIDS - SING ALONG!

CHORUS:

Mi nuh drink milkshake a guiness inna mi yaad
Yuh Damn right man a real ol' dawg
Mi nuh fuck gal if dem pum pum large
Kelis pussy big like G.P Prison yaad. (x2)
VERSE 1:

Guh weh dutty bitch nuh cockey neva 'itch
She salta dan Annie Palmer de white witch
Har mout' feel more balls dan cricket picth
And The punani size n uh dacta caan stitch
Dan, nuh gal caan get real man fi switch
Nuh matta how mi luv har
Nuh matta how she rich
Some bwoy mout' occupy piss
Gal spin like satilite dish
Pan cockey like dis

CHORUS:

Mi nuh drink milkshake a guiness inna mi yaad
Yuh Damn right man a real ol' dawg
Mi nuh fuck Gal if dem pum pum large
Kelis Pussy big like G.P Prison yaad. (x2)

VERSE 2:

Coolface,
She wicked eeh
She insipid eeh
Milkshake sell a Burga King or Mickey D
Yo Dickey D,
Yuh nuh she the Gal a ickey dickey d
Nuh pity fi she dozen cockey fi she, from we
Henniesea, Red Bull, Guinny P
Get buck lakka Kartel
Weh we nuh pree
Nuh watch June plum juice, nar cherry juice
an' a batty an drink Fish Tea

CHORUS:

Mi nuh drink milkshake a guiness inna mi yaad
Yuh Damn right man a real ol' dawg
Mi nuh fuck Gal if dem pum pum large
Kelis Pussy big like G.P Prison yaad. (x2)