Hello chums. The blog's been down because 1) Twitter exists 2) I have completely lost the will to write anything remotely interesting or funny about anything ever again. This second point is probably related to the first point, and will become evidently true to the reader of this blog within this very paragraph.
First thing's first, DJ Petchy on Live FM. If you like funky and you like MCs you will like these sets:
If you don't like funky and you don't like MCs, why not check out some “post-dubstep” and pretend this blog is still defunct like it should be?
Let's face it, dance music is best when it feels like you've just snorted a line of it and you're going to have a heart attack. I don't quite get that sensation from these sets, but I'm sure if I snorted a huge line of coke before listening to it I would probably have a quickened pulse. Besides, you can tell that everybody in the studio is having the time of their lives, so even if you're a depressed and lonely loser like you there might be a chance of some of that joy rubbing off on you. They should really have a webcam set up on Live FM for Chat Roulette, so that 50 year old potential suicides with their penises out can feel like its good to be alive for once.
Many many many bars by Topsy, Dream and Shanty have already been etched into my head – ''After the rave we can have a gangbang'', ''She said 'Dream you're an arsehole', I said thanks for the compliment but I wouldn't touch you with a bargepole'' ''I don't care about deemmmmm!'' etc. etc. As you can probably tell, the lyrics aren't exactly Sage Francis couplets and thank fucking fuck for that. Most of the best MCs in UK music have outrageous/stupid voices/styles and catchphrases such as ''It's the merkle man!'' ''Oooahrrrghh Ooahhrghhh'', ''Swinnnnnnnnnnng! BANG 'IM!'', ''Am I bovvered?'' and ''Loadsa money''. It's all about the delivery – especially when all the MCs have a singalong to each others bars. It's like listening in to one of the stands at a football match on a Saturday – except with no racist banter and no songs about bumming John Terry's mum. The only way these MCs can possibly improve now is to start including both these things. E.G. ''She said ''Dream you're an arsehole'', I said thanks a lot John Terry's mum but I wouldn't touch you with a bargepole'' and ''After the rave we can hang a rag-head''. Perhaps not.
On a serious tip, just listen to Dream smashing up Sami Sanchez ''What'' at 53 mins into the 13th Feb set – and Petchy cutting in after the reload to accompany him like fricking EZ or something. ''It's a par for them, uh oh man are writing bars again, TELL EM TELL TELL EM pass the pen...!''
Get very drunk and play very loud. If you want pristine sound quality suck your gran.
[Big up Andy/Big Nose on Dissensus for the link up...]
I've been off dubstep for a long time now, pretty much for the last year but especially since I've moved to Bristol, where even the ketamine addled crusties who don't know if they're wearing pants underneath their ponchos know the name and catalogue number of the latest Borgore release. Recently though I've been getting a little back into it – taking a step back from all the sub-genre/scene bollocks has made me almost able to return to the music itself without worrying if it sounds ''too [X, Y, Z]''. I don't really give a shit anymore. This will probably change as soon as I go to a dubstep night again and the first DJ plays a Loefah Remix of Westlife. One thing that made me return to the fray was going to Day and Night (basement club, looks like laser quest/a 1980s action film's idea of the blighted urban metropolis in the year 2000, but very small and so vulnerable to bass vibrations) and seeing Darkstar drop ''Level Nine'' by Mala. As soon as it dropped I remembered how important it is to FEEL the sub in dubstep. This was underlined for me seeing 2562 on Saturday, too – all these tunes which sound a bit boring and 'coffee table' at home sound fucking DIRTY and propulsive when you're stood next to a speaker with shots spilled down your sweater. Mala does get a lot of cringe-worthy man-god hype around him through no fault of his own but he really is the dubstep master. His tunes are the best in the genre, for me (give or take a few Loefah tunes). Album should be at least 50% good, at least.
The other tune that killed it that night which I've been loving off ever since it dropped is ''Hard''. Having been surprisingly won over to ''Eastern Jam'' after hearing P Money/Badness/Blacks absolutely slaughter it at Crazy Legs a few months ago, I hereby declare that from now on dubstep producers should work with MCs a lot more. Failing that, force D Double and Trim to record endless dubplate versions of 2005/6 classics so I can listen to them and feel like a big man. D Double absolutely murders that tune Skream's done with the Newhams recently, although without him it would be fairly standard wobble... which is the point, really. The tune below is one of my favourite grime tunes and showed years ago that grime MCs + stripped down sub + sound FX dubstep can be the sort of combination that makes you want to clothesline a clothesline.
This has got to be the most hyped tune in dubstep since ''Hyph Mango'' and just like the latter tune, the hype has made me suspicious of it, just as I just KNOW that i-phones are really just fancy-wancy abacuses for pricks. However, I bought Footcrab the other day because it's actually really good (like Hyph Mango, I-Phones, The Sopranos and Iraqui Beheading videos). If you want to hear some chicago juke and see some ridiculous juke dancing, watch this... watch it anyway, in fact:
This is a bit like the way I dance when I'm trying to impress girls. That's why I'm able to listen to juke at home, because I live by myself and am forced to fuck a hole that I've torn into a print-off of this picture – but where?
On the Swamp 81/Loefah tip, THIS show wot Instramental and D-Bridge done done on Rinse FM features a cracking Loefah mix and generally a big selection. The tunes Instramental recently did on Applepips are both fanfuckingtastic [E.G.]. Another guest they had on recently was Actress, who I was going to write about on here but I'm far too tired to now. Here's a few tunes in case you don't know by now
Finally, I went to see Alex Nut, Fatima and Funkineven the other night at Attic Bar (at a DONUTS night for Eglo records - a documentary about Eglo HERE on the Donuts website) and they all killed it – esp. Funkineven. Here's a few tunes off his EP he released recently, which you should all cop.
This tune features Fatima and is alot:
I'm gonna try and start doing the blog on music/elseshit more often from now on, will probably be written in this slapdash and barely legible way though. After wondering what the point of writing about music is for ages I have been led to think that for me it just comes down to recommending and hyping things I really like which people might not have heard. So there it is.
[should really blog about Rockwell soon - new DNB that I actually like...