Badly thought out way to get the bad thoughts out.

Friday, 4 July 2008

The Root of Perversions


In males: Patient was delivered by a professional boxer instead of a midwife.

In females: Patient was used by impoverished parents to store jacket potatoes during winter.


In males: Patient was born naked to a room full of sexually attractive women.

In females: A budgeting crisis at the Patient's school meant that they were forced to sit in a high chair until the age of 24.

SADOMASOCHISM (Spanking, Bondage Etc.)

In males: Patient was sexually assaulted on the set of an advertisment for Asda.

In females: Patient was trapped in the web of a giant spider while in full menstrual flow.


In males: The patient first grasped notion of someone being inside something else when catching sight of off duty workers in the car park at Disney Land.

In females: Patient mistakenly rode upside-down the first time they were taken pony trekking.


In males: Patient's diabetes prohibited them from submerging their face in Nutella.

In females: Patient was born face down with their tongue sticking out.


In males: Patient lost virginity above the Queen Mother.

In females: Patient wet themselves on a summer's day while eating a freezer fresh Calippo.


In males: Patient's imaginary girlfriend exposed and caressed her clitoris to him while leaning against a door.

In females: Patient accidentally was forced by parents to attend social functions on the arm of an egg whisk.


In males: When the patient was still in infancy they seduced and had sex with an ovum.

In females: While still in late infancy the patient was given the best orgasm of their lives by a three year old.